Blue Duck Weather, January 2009

January 2009 Weather News!

Welcome to a new year of exciting, heart stopping weather statistics and related news. Your fine staff at Blueduck Weather is committed, as always, to bring you up to date and unbiased weather reporting that affects the state, the nation, the world, animals and people. Hope and change or on the way; hope that I am not prevented from coming home on a hunt by a flashflood and change, that if I do, I will have plenty of food, beer and whiskey to survive the “ordeal.”

As the final rain statistics for 2008 were released earlier this month Arizona had the wettest year since 1998 and the wettest Monsoon since 1984.

January was bitter cold for most of the nation with ice storms and snow. Poor old California and Nevada though are shriveling up like prunes with the ongoing drought.

You will read fascinating facts in this monthly installment of BlueDuck Weather; an ATV rider missing near Payson on January 5th as yet to be discovered (or not announced to the news media as of this writing.)

PETA wants to rename fish to “sea kittens” to protect the poor things from the cruel pastime of fishing. A more compassionate name may remind otherwise “compassionate” people that fishing is cruel. (They should see TwinkyDuck whack an Alaska salmon in the head with a moose femur to finish it off. PETA would shit their collective pants.)

So much more is in store as you read through the days of this fascinating weather journal. Just keep in mind as we always report on the past our weather forecasting is perfect! Without further delay allow us to present to you a new year of weather reporting coupled with hope and change!

The average temperature on The Land was 5.50 degrees warmer at the end of the month than the beginning. Talking Tees and Antelope Hill was one degree cooler. The average temperature for the month at The Land was 54.26 degrees. 31.05 degrees was the average temperature for Talking Trees and Antelope Hill. The Land experienced two mornings of freezing temperatures. The lowest temperature recorded at Talking Trees and Antelope Hill was nine degrees on January 29th.

The average humidity on The Land was 46.46%. The average dewpond for the month was 30.96 degrees. The average dew point was 30.96 degrees.

The average wind speed was 2.85 mph. There were several wind chill recordings. For ease (and laziness) of reporting the wind chills will be given as follows; 39 +3= 38. 33+2=32. 64+6=63. 36+2=35. 57+11=53. For you dumbshits out there the first number is the temperature, the second the wind speed and the third the chill. Don’t you just love the math? It would drive any elementary school teacher to suicide and a child to complete hysterics.

The first and only rain of the year was recorded on The Land on January 4th. The rain total for this month and the year is .14 inches.

The lake levels that affect this state and the states around us are as follows; Mead is at 46% full, Powell at 54%, Roosevelt at an impressive 99% and Pleasant is climbing as reports show 73% capacity.

1-2-09. Eight inches of snow in Arizona above six thousand feet. Prescott water being treated for arsenic.

Aggressive porcupines chomping on trees, shoes and tools in Colorado.

1-3-09. Winter storm watch for south east Az. Snow in Flagstaff. A daily record of 6.2” of snow fell in Great Falls, Montana. Coupled with the snow was a forty nine degree drop in temperatures. The high yesterday was 34 degrees at two a.m. The low was 15 below zero at eight p.m. Winter storm warning in New Mexico until eleven p.m.

1-4-09. Four inches of snow in Flagstaff. Ten inches of snow expected in south east Az. and eight to ten inches of snow at Sunrise.

New Jersey woman falls through ice and drowns trying to rescue dog.

1-5-09. Fog advisory for Phoenix from five a.m. to nine a.m. ATV rider missing since last Friday in snowy mountains near Payson; “wasn’t dressed for cold weather.” (?) Deadly avalanche season in U.S. Nineteen deaths reported in last two weeks, twenty eight close calls in Colorado alone. One slide that killed two in Ogden, Utah was two thousand feet wide.

Europe snow storm closes the Eiffel Tower in Paris.

1-6-09. West Coast mystery as hundreds of endangered brown pelicans found dead from Washington to Baja.

Tennessee sanctuary is home for “retired” elephants and orphan dogs. Two have become great friends and dog allows elephant to pet it with massive foot. (Why don’t you just step on the little bastard and be done with it?)

Lou the mule credited with saving woman from Tennessee house fire with loud braying.

1-7-09. Three snow rescues in Yavapai County in past week. ATV rider missing near Payson still not found. More ice storms and downed power lines in the North East; heaviest rain in thirty years mixed with melting snow threatens severe flooding.

Residents of Boulder, Colorado told to evacuate with three wildfires burning.

1-8-09. High pollution advisory for Maricopa County. One week and missing Payson man still not found.

Flooding and thirty thousand evacuations in western Washington. Ten inches of snow melted in twelve hours with warmer rain. Sixty highways closed and Amtrak rail service suspended out of Seattle due to mud slides.

Twelve deaths blamed on cold across Europe, ten people froze to death in Poland with temperatures at minus thirteen degrees and Germany minus eighteen degrees.

1-9-09. Flooding in Alabama swept mother and infant son in vehicle away.

Nearly two weeks of sixty below zero in Stevens Village, Alaska.

Madrid, Spain experiencing heaviest snow in years.

1-10-09. Midwest and Northeast under snow- One foot in Chicago, six inches in New York and Boston. Some areas receiving two inches per hour.

1-11-09. Blizzard warning for the Dakotas. Sixty car pile up on snowy road in New Hampshire.

Senate advances bill to set aside two million acres as wilderness.

1-12-09. The record high in Phoenix was eighty degrees in 1986. The record low was twenty two degrees in 1962.

1-13-09. Eighty six degrees in Los Angeles. Forty five below zero in Hibbing, Minnesota, shattering old record set in 1979.

Idaho father charged in making children walk home in bone chilling cold; one daughter dies.

Some towns in Fiji under ten feet of water after two unprecedented tropical storms in one week.

Sixty baby sea turtles end up under the tables of a beachside restaurant instead of instinctively heading toward the ocean; they were lured by the bright lights of the restaurant thinking they were the sun. (Fucking sad.)

1-14-09. Wind chills in Minneapolis minus fifty eight degrees. Twenty five below zero in northern New York. Too cold to ski as deep freeze spreads through Northeast.
PETA wants to rename fish to “sea kittens.” “Compassionate people would never hook a kitten with a hook in the jaw and kill it. So why fish?” (Good God, save a kitten and pet a fish.)

Blue Duck wants to keep this in twice, he likes the sea kittens.

Monkey known for throwing shit is on the loose in Tampa Bay, Florida.

Firefighters believe goats may have started a fire that burned down a home in Iowa. (?)

Feds remove wolf from endangered species list in two Rocky Mountain States.

1-16-09. So cold in north east Ohio Northern Lights, usually only seen Arctic areas, visible. Freezing temperatures have dropped to the Deep South.

Some places in Alabama colder than Alaska.

Atlanta, Georgia in the teens.

One man in North East found dead in wheelchair with a snow shovel in his hands.

As Haiti floods recede world wide aid is needed for starving people and immense crisis.

1-17-09. Ten degrees above normal in Phoenix.

Minneapolis has four consecutive days below zero. Twenty nine below zero all time record in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

1-18-09. A tourist attacked by a javelina at the Arizona Sonora Desert Museum is suing the facility and Pima County for four hundred thousand dollars.

In Indonesia Orangutans on the verge of extinction due to clear cutting for cane oil plantations.

1-19-09. Wind chill of ten below predicted for Inauguration tomorrow. Drivers in Michigan rescue frozen fowl from the Hudson River. (Heroes!) Pile up in snowy Maryland kills two.

1-20-09. Los Angeles already sets January record for heat; nine straight days of temperatures over eighty degrees.
Three die in Montana avalanches.
Heavy rains in normally dry Lima, Peru.

1-21-09. Eighty degrees record high in Phoenix today.
Michigan man searches for dog on frozen river and thawing ice swallows his car.

1-22-09. Cyclone Fanele hits the African island of Madagascar; thirty thousand without water or electricity.

NASA researchers report that overall Antarctic has become warmer than the 1950’s. Ten ice sheets have receded or collapsed since the 90’s. The Wilkins Sheet is fifteen hundred feet wide compared to seventy miles wide in the 50’s.

A contractor clearing debris from Hurricane Ike found ammunition box containing 1863 Confederate bills, war medals and diamond earrings.
Western forests dying at increasing rate.

1-26-09. White out conditions in Flagstaff with four to eight inches of new snow.
Ice warnings for Oklahoma and north Texas.

Ninety three year old man found frozen to death in home after electric company cuts power.

Mrs. Blue duck thinks the power company should be sued.

“New” government research shows if carbon dioxide emissions are not controlled global warming will be irreversible and affect the planet for the next thousand years.

1-27-09. Seven die as winter storm stretches from the Southern Plains to the mid Atlantic states. Warnings posted from Texas to Maine.
California drought may raise vegetable prices.
Ten killed by Turkish avalanche.

Blowfish testicles prepared by chef sends seven Japanese to hospital. (I swear, we do not make this shit up.)

1-28-09. Winter snow and sleet have over one million without power in Arkansas, Kentucky and Oklahoma. Frozen trees and power lines snapping; may be a week before power is restored. One foot of snow in Indianapolis, a new record.

1-29-09. Prolonged drought means water cuts for California and Nevada farmers. Snowpack water content is again averaging below normal in both states.

Frozen body discovered in Detroit warehouse.

Ninety three year old man found frozen to death in home two weeks ago sparks outrage among the community. Utility company had restricted his power use due to more than one thousand dollars of unpaid utility bills. When he was discovered the outside temperatures ranged from twelve degree high to nine degree below zero.

Mrs. Blue duck still thinks the power company sucks.

South Florida beach closed as one thousand sharks gather as part of annual migration.

1-30-09. Sixty seven year old man found frozen in his truck near Detroit.
Woman freezes to death in remote cabin in Montana. Husband, suffering from hypothermia and starving found propped up against her body.

Cody, Wyoming man busted for public intoxication while riding a white horse in a snowstorm on busy street.

Al Gore and others urging President Obama to act on global warming, fearing the economy crisis will weaken the will of the Nation to act.
Record heat wave causes fires and heat related stress in southern Australia.

1-31-09. Kentucky governor calls up entire National Guard with state devastated by ice storm. More than a half million without power from the Ozarks through Appalachia.

Well, my faithful readers, there you have it. Pretty damned nipply across much of the United States.

The quote of the month by the Mighty Broadduck is this; “Life is a journey full of different paths to choose. When you feel like you have reached the end of the road turn to the left and blaze a new path to the unknown.”

The song of the month is “Cloudy Days” by Waylon Jennings.

Until next month remember Pioneers took bullets, Settlers took Land.

Professor MRBlueduck