May 2009 Weather News!
With great pride I am pleased to announce that the lovely Mrs. Blueduck and yours truly attended a storm spotter’s class in beautiful downtown Mesa on May 9th. It was a grueling training session held by a local field meteorologist who helps fire fighters with the developing weather patterns as they fight fires in remote locations of Arizona. There were many nerds and geeks who attended the class (I felt out of place....trust me MRS. duck was out of place). I wore my Blueduck Weather t-shirt proudly and wanted to pass out my “business” cards to the students who have no life and nothing better to do but to attend a weather class. But with sensitive compassion the lovely Mrs. Blueduck threatened to leave me if I dared to pass out one card to any fool in the classroom.
The instructor pointed out that even with Doppler radar and sophisticated weather technology that is only able to generalize activity; quacks are needed on the ground to report real life events as they happen. (Mr. Blue duck STONGLY qualifies) We are to report such things as funnel clouds, tornados, hail, rain in excess of one quarter inch per half hour, low visibility due to fog or dust, flooding, wind damage and winds in excess of forty miles per hour. Mrs. Blueduck and I graduated with flying colors and received a standing ovation for our weather brilliance. ( I seem to have forgotten this part) We have official identification numbers and a direct line to the National Weather Service to be used twenty four hours per day if needed. If this doesn’t add to my already impressive list of credentials I have some snake oil I would like to sale you.
In this mind altering, jaw dropping and eye closing weather report you will read about local and national duck heroes, learn what a Derechio weather event is, states with the worst predicted fire season this year, rattlesnake “attacks’’ on the increase in Phoenix, scorpion venom to be used as medicine, why after sixty days the bloated Red River in North Dakota still made news and so much more weather information you simply cannot live without!.
May was an interesting month in our portion of the great Sonoran Desert. The last two weeks of May seemed to be a pre-curser to the Monsoon with huge thunderheads in the north and east in Arizona. Rare for May, rain occurred in Phoenix and on The Land. We seem to be “easing” into summer although Phoenix tied a record for the amount of temperatures hitting one hundred or above for the month. As promised, the grueling statistics are only here in this great newsletter for you to view, sweat, and cry. Phoenix had nineteen days of temperatures of a hundred degrees or more, four of them were at one hundred and five degrees or greater. The lovely paradise known as the Land only had fourteen days of one hundred degrees and no one hundred and fives! That my faithful readers is the lack of concrete, asphalt and people crowded to closely together giving off vast amounts of methane gas (farting).
The average temperature at The Land was 9.5 degrees warmer at the end of May than at the beginning. The average temperature at Talking Trees and Antelope Hill was actually four degrees cooler than the beginning of the month. The average temperature at the Land for the month of May was 85.14 degrees. The average temperature for the cool Land in New Mexico was 59.64 degrees.
The average humidity at The Land for May was 23.14%. The average dew point was 37.64 degrees.
The average wind speed for the Land was 7.40 mph, actually still quite breezy and comparable to April, the windiest month in Arizona.
The Land received almost a quarter of inch of rain in May, making the year to date amount at .88 inches. Phoenix has 1.91 inches for the year. (I better get the fuck out in the full moon night and perform a full-moon fever-naked rain dance! (God save us all!)
With great pride I am pleased to announce that the lovely Mrs. Blueduck and yours truly attended a storm spotter’s class in beautiful downtown Mesa on May 9th. It was a grueling training session held by a local field meteorologist who helps fire fighters with the developing weather patterns as they fight fires in remote locations of Arizona. There were many nerds and geeks who attended the class (I felt out of place....trust me MRS. duck was out of place). I wore my Blueduck Weather t-shirt proudly and wanted to pass out my “business” cards to the students who have no life and nothing better to do but to attend a weather class. But with sensitive compassion the lovely Mrs. Blueduck threatened to leave me if I dared to pass out one card to any fool in the classroom.
The instructor pointed out that even with Doppler radar and sophisticated weather technology that is only able to generalize activity; quacks are needed on the ground to report real life events as they happen. (Mr. Blue duck STONGLY qualifies) We are to report such things as funnel clouds, tornados, hail, rain in excess of one quarter inch per half hour, low visibility due to fog or dust, flooding, wind damage and winds in excess of forty miles per hour. Mrs. Blueduck and I graduated with flying colors and received a standing ovation for our weather brilliance. ( I seem to have forgotten this part) We have official identification numbers and a direct line to the National Weather Service to be used twenty four hours per day if needed. If this doesn’t add to my already impressive list of credentials I have some snake oil I would like to sale you.
In this mind altering, jaw dropping and eye closing weather report you will read about local and national duck heroes, learn what a Derechio weather event is, states with the worst predicted fire season this year, rattlesnake “attacks’’ on the increase in Phoenix, scorpion venom to be used as medicine, why after sixty days the bloated Red River in North Dakota still made news and so much more weather information you simply cannot live without!.
May was an interesting month in our portion of the great Sonoran Desert. The last two weeks of May seemed to be a pre-curser to the Monsoon with huge thunderheads in the north and east in Arizona. Rare for May, rain occurred in Phoenix and on The Land. We seem to be “easing” into summer although Phoenix tied a record for the amount of temperatures hitting one hundred or above for the month. As promised, the grueling statistics are only here in this great newsletter for you to view, sweat, and cry. Phoenix had nineteen days of temperatures of a hundred degrees or more, four of them were at one hundred and five degrees or greater. The lovely paradise known as the Land only had fourteen days of one hundred degrees and no one hundred and fives! That my faithful readers is the lack of concrete, asphalt and people crowded to closely together giving off vast amounts of methane gas (farting).
The average temperature at The Land was 9.5 degrees warmer at the end of May than at the beginning. The average temperature at Talking Trees and Antelope Hill was actually four degrees cooler than the beginning of the month. The average temperature at the Land for the month of May was 85.14 degrees. The average temperature for the cool Land in New Mexico was 59.64 degrees.
The average humidity at The Land for May was 23.14%. The average dew point was 37.64 degrees.
The average wind speed for the Land was 7.40 mph, actually still quite breezy and comparable to April, the windiest month in Arizona.
The Land received almost a quarter of inch of rain in May, making the year to date amount at .88 inches. Phoenix has 1.91 inches for the year. (I better get the fuck out in the full moon night and perform a full-moon fever-naked rain dance! (God save us all!)
I know a Shaman who can help me. His first name is Seagram and his last is VO.)
The “great” lakes of Arizona are still pregnant and proud; Roosevelt is at 99% capacity and Pleasant 91%. Lake Powell is still rising slowly, in spite of the Monkey Wrench Gang, and is at 57%. Lake Mead is fighting for her life at 42%.
5-1-09. Three hikers, part of a church group from Tempe, Arizona, are swept away by the Colorado River in the Grand Canyon. With swift currents and 50 degree water temperatures there is not much hope for survivors; one body found.
Heavy rains have caused five deaths in Kansas. The latest were a couple trying to cross a rain swollen creek in their car. 7.5 inches of rain has fallen in parts of the state the last two days.
Mayer City residents in North Dakota finally able to use toilets after the sewer system collapsed on April 17th due to pressure by the swollen Sheyenne River.
Rainy monsoon season threatens cyclone survivors in Myanmar; hundreds of thousands of people still without homes or jobs from last year’s cyclone.
5-2-09. Remaining missing hikers swept away in the Grand Canyon still not found.
Phoenix ranked 9th worst for ozone pollution in the Nation.
Flash flooding south east of Nashville with a dozen water rescues.
A tornado touched down in Texas. A dozen were injured when the indoor facility for the Dallas Cowboys collapsed during 64mph winds.
Today marks the anniversary of the cyclone that hit Myanmar. It was the nation’s worst natural disaster in history and killed one hundred and forty thousand people.
Heat wave in India kills eighteen people. The temperatures have hit 118 degrees.
5-3-09. Remaining missing hikers still not recovered from the Colorado River in the Grand Canyon. Witnesses report they jumped into the river thinking they could swim across it.
Wolves removed from the Protected Species List in the Rockies and the Great Lakes regions.
United States pork exports drop 10% due to stigma attached to the “Swine Flu.”
5-4-09. Ozone Health Advisory issued for Phoenix. A mulch fire in the south west part of the valley is not helping matters and one school in the area is closed.
Heavy rain, flooding and tornados reported in Tennessee and Oklahoma and southern Louisiana.
Landslide from tropical storms kills twenty people in the Philippines; most of the victims were buried in their homes as they slept.
Six mountain climbers were killed by an avalanche in the Austria Alps.
5-5-09. Ozone Health Advisory posted for Phoenix.
Residents in Santa Barbara, California are evacuated with two hundred acres burned so far.
Congo rangers save baby gorilla from wildlife traffickers. A driver of a car had the rare gorilla in a bag of clothes. There are only seven hundred left in the world.
5-6-09. Today was the first one hundred degree temperature of the season at The Land. Another high ozone advisory posted for Phoenix.
A brush fire was reported near Cooper and Ocotillo Roads in Chandler, Arizona with homes threatened. The Canelo fire near Fort Huachuca in south east Arizona is uncontained with two thousand acres and four homes burned.
Two thousand homes are threatened and twelve hundred people are evacuated as 50 mph winds fuel the fires in Santa Barbara.
The National Interagency Fire Center announced today that Arizona, California, New Mexico and Washington State are at the greatest risk of wildfires this season.
One cluster of storms has moved through the south east states. It produced a straight line wind named a Derecho. This type of wind rarely happens and is pushed ahead of storms causing winds up to 137 mph pushing straight down to the ground. It was the cause of thirty tornado reports and the collapse of the Dallas training facility last week.
Floods and mudslides from heavy rains in northern Brazil have left one hundred and eighty six thousand people homeless and nineteen dead after months of rain.
Ten rattlesnake “attacks” in Phoenix in the past week, cause is unknown. (Editor’s note; the cause is fucking stupidity. Rattlesnakes don’t attack, they react when provoked.)
Venom from scorpions can kill brain tumors according to one mindless study.
5-7-09. High Pollution Advisory issued for Phoenix and the temperature is twelve degrees above normal. The Canelo fire in southern Arizona is eighty percent contained and has burned four thousand acres.
The fire in Santa Barbara, California has burned five hundred acres and forced the evacuation of fifteen thousand people. (Editor’s note: this tells you something about population density. Thirty thousand acres can burn in the wilds of the West and not this many people are forced to evacuate.) Three firefighters are airlifted to burn units. One fire truck got so hot the plastic light lenses melted.
We have a local duck hero amongst our midst. Tipt-O-Duck found a duck nest with eggs in his lush Mesa home backyard. He waited patiently for the little quacks to hatch. The fact that he did not fry up the eggs with a pound of bacon and swill the mess down with a pint of Wild Turkey is a credit to his spirit of conservation.
Instead, he waited patiently for the eggs to hatch, fiercely protecting the nest and giving Mama Duck her space so he wouldn’t get his eyes pecked out. Lo and Behold, the little bastards hatched and took immediately to Tipt-O-Duck’s swimming pool leaving duck shit and greasy water wherever they swam.
Fearing the little quackers would not be able to get out of the pool our hero frantically ripped window screens off of his own home and made landings for the little shits to waddle to safety. Not much later the quacks decided to frolic in his spa once again leaving their wasteful presence everywhere. Once again Tipt-O-Duck ripped window screens off of his neighbor’s houses and made more landings for the little fuckers to waddle about safely escaping a certain death.
Exhausted from this vigil our local Hero finally called a Duck Rescue Mission. They gallantly arrived and relocated the quackers to a waste treatment reclamation “pond” where the ducklings could live freely in polluted bliss. My sincere thanks goes to this local hero. Tipt-O-Duck will receive a badge of honor from this publication if we ever get around to it!
5-8-09. Another Ozone Advisory is issued for Phoenix, as the first one hundred and five degree temperature for the season is reported. The Canelo fire is ninety five percent contained at forty two hundred acres and three homes burned.
The wildfires in Santa Barbara are out of control. Thirty thousand people are evacuated and twenty three thousand more may be forced to leave. Seventy five homes are burned and there are twenty three hundred firefighters on site.
An ice jam that suddenly gave away on the mighty Yukon River in Alaska sent floating ice the size of houses in the town of Eagle. Homes are knocked off their foundations and one popular restaurant cut in half.
Severe weather in Texas, Tennessee and North Carolina with tornados.
An aggressive black bear in Kingman, Arizona tries to “break into homes” and is shot and killed by police.
5-09-09. Record high of 102 degrees in Tucson and 97 degrees in Douglas, Arizona.
The Willow fire near Black Canyon City has burned ten acres. The Bear fire has erupted near the Canelo fire sight which is almost contained.
The “great” lakes of Arizona are still pregnant and proud; Roosevelt is at 99% capacity and Pleasant 91%. Lake Powell is still rising slowly, in spite of the Monkey Wrench Gang, and is at 57%. Lake Mead is fighting for her life at 42%.
5-1-09. Three hikers, part of a church group from Tempe, Arizona, are swept away by the Colorado River in the Grand Canyon. With swift currents and 50 degree water temperatures there is not much hope for survivors; one body found.
Heavy rains have caused five deaths in Kansas. The latest were a couple trying to cross a rain swollen creek in their car. 7.5 inches of rain has fallen in parts of the state the last two days.
Mayer City residents in North Dakota finally able to use toilets after the sewer system collapsed on April 17th due to pressure by the swollen Sheyenne River.
Rainy monsoon season threatens cyclone survivors in Myanmar; hundreds of thousands of people still without homes or jobs from last year’s cyclone.
5-2-09. Remaining missing hikers swept away in the Grand Canyon still not found.
Phoenix ranked 9th worst for ozone pollution in the Nation.
Flash flooding south east of Nashville with a dozen water rescues.
A tornado touched down in Texas. A dozen were injured when the indoor facility for the Dallas Cowboys collapsed during 64mph winds.
Today marks the anniversary of the cyclone that hit Myanmar. It was the nation’s worst natural disaster in history and killed one hundred and forty thousand people.
Heat wave in India kills eighteen people. The temperatures have hit 118 degrees.
5-3-09. Remaining missing hikers still not recovered from the Colorado River in the Grand Canyon. Witnesses report they jumped into the river thinking they could swim across it.
Wolves removed from the Protected Species List in the Rockies and the Great Lakes regions.
United States pork exports drop 10% due to stigma attached to the “Swine Flu.”
5-4-09. Ozone Health Advisory issued for Phoenix. A mulch fire in the south west part of the valley is not helping matters and one school in the area is closed.
Heavy rain, flooding and tornados reported in Tennessee and Oklahoma and southern Louisiana.
Landslide from tropical storms kills twenty people in the Philippines; most of the victims were buried in their homes as they slept.
Six mountain climbers were killed by an avalanche in the Austria Alps.
5-5-09. Ozone Health Advisory posted for Phoenix.
Residents in Santa Barbara, California are evacuated with two hundred acres burned so far.
Congo rangers save baby gorilla from wildlife traffickers. A driver of a car had the rare gorilla in a bag of clothes. There are only seven hundred left in the world.
5-6-09. Today was the first one hundred degree temperature of the season at The Land. Another high ozone advisory posted for Phoenix.
A brush fire was reported near Cooper and Ocotillo Roads in Chandler, Arizona with homes threatened. The Canelo fire near Fort Huachuca in south east Arizona is uncontained with two thousand acres and four homes burned.
Two thousand homes are threatened and twelve hundred people are evacuated as 50 mph winds fuel the fires in Santa Barbara.
The National Interagency Fire Center announced today that Arizona, California, New Mexico and Washington State are at the greatest risk of wildfires this season.
One cluster of storms has moved through the south east states. It produced a straight line wind named a Derecho. This type of wind rarely happens and is pushed ahead of storms causing winds up to 137 mph pushing straight down to the ground. It was the cause of thirty tornado reports and the collapse of the Dallas training facility last week.
Floods and mudslides from heavy rains in northern Brazil have left one hundred and eighty six thousand people homeless and nineteen dead after months of rain.
Ten rattlesnake “attacks” in Phoenix in the past week, cause is unknown. (Editor’s note; the cause is fucking stupidity. Rattlesnakes don’t attack, they react when provoked.)
Venom from scorpions can kill brain tumors according to one mindless study.
5-7-09. High Pollution Advisory issued for Phoenix and the temperature is twelve degrees above normal. The Canelo fire in southern Arizona is eighty percent contained and has burned four thousand acres.
The fire in Santa Barbara, California has burned five hundred acres and forced the evacuation of fifteen thousand people. (Editor’s note: this tells you something about population density. Thirty thousand acres can burn in the wilds of the West and not this many people are forced to evacuate.) Three firefighters are airlifted to burn units. One fire truck got so hot the plastic light lenses melted.
We have a local duck hero amongst our midst. Tipt-O-Duck found a duck nest with eggs in his lush Mesa home backyard. He waited patiently for the little quacks to hatch. The fact that he did not fry up the eggs with a pound of bacon and swill the mess down with a pint of Wild Turkey is a credit to his spirit of conservation.
Instead, he waited patiently for the eggs to hatch, fiercely protecting the nest and giving Mama Duck her space so he wouldn’t get his eyes pecked out. Lo and Behold, the little bastards hatched and took immediately to Tipt-O-Duck’s swimming pool leaving duck shit and greasy water wherever they swam.
Fearing the little quackers would not be able to get out of the pool our hero frantically ripped window screens off of his own home and made landings for the little shits to waddle to safety. Not much later the quacks decided to frolic in his spa once again leaving their wasteful presence everywhere. Once again Tipt-O-Duck ripped window screens off of his neighbor’s houses and made more landings for the little fuckers to waddle about safely escaping a certain death.
Exhausted from this vigil our local Hero finally called a Duck Rescue Mission. They gallantly arrived and relocated the quackers to a waste treatment reclamation “pond” where the ducklings could live freely in polluted bliss. My sincere thanks goes to this local hero. Tipt-O-Duck will receive a badge of honor from this publication if we ever get around to it!
5-8-09. Another Ozone Advisory is issued for Phoenix, as the first one hundred and five degree temperature for the season is reported. The Canelo fire is ninety five percent contained at forty two hundred acres and three homes burned.
The wildfires in Santa Barbara are out of control. Thirty thousand people are evacuated and twenty three thousand more may be forced to leave. Seventy five homes are burned and there are twenty three hundred firefighters on site.
An ice jam that suddenly gave away on the mighty Yukon River in Alaska sent floating ice the size of houses in the town of Eagle. Homes are knocked off their foundations and one popular restaurant cut in half.
Severe weather in Texas, Tennessee and North Carolina with tornados.
An aggressive black bear in Kingman, Arizona tries to “break into homes” and is shot and killed by police.
5-09-09. Record high of 102 degrees in Tucson and 97 degrees in Douglas, Arizona.
The Willow fire near Black Canyon City has burned ten acres. The Bear fire has erupted near the Canelo fire sight which is almost contained.
The Phoenix Police are patrolling the desert for homeless living near 35th Avenue and Deer Valley Road. They are concerned about fires started getting out of control.
(Editor’s Note: what about worry of dehydration and heat stress for the homeless folks?)
The fires in Santa Barbara are 30% contained and many evacuees allowed to return home. A weather break occurred as a blanket of cool moist air from the ocean flowed into the region with diminishing winds. Eighty homes have burned.
Five people die and thousands without power in the Midwest with up to 120 mph winds recorded.
270,000 Brazilians flee floods. Refugees scramble for high ground in an area that is infested with Anaconda snakes; thirty nine people killed.
The fires in Santa Barbara are 30% contained and many evacuees allowed to return home. A weather break occurred as a blanket of cool moist air from the ocean flowed into the region with diminishing winds. Eighty homes have burned.
Five people die and thousands without power in the Midwest with up to 120 mph winds recorded.
270,000 Brazilians flee floods. Refugees scramble for high ground in an area that is infested with Anaconda snakes; thirty nine people killed.
(Mrs. Blueduck has officially announced there will be no travel, EVER, to this region, I don't care what the hell duck emergancy has been created.)
Second cyclone in a week hits the Philippines killing twenty four people.
5-10-09. Thousands return home but Santa Barbara fire fight goes on with thirty percent containment.
Powerful storms batter Kansas, Kentucky, Illinois and Missouri with six people killed and one hundred and fifty thousand without power. One hundred mph winds are recorded.
Three hundred National Guardsmen are helping residents in Gilbert, West Virginia recover from flooding that has destroyed three hundred buildings.
Floods ease in Brazil but three hundred thousand are homeless and thirty dead after worst flooding in decades.
5-11-09. Fire ban issued in all of Maricopa County, Arizona parks.
Santa Barbara fire was caused by a spark from a power tool used to clear brush to prevent fires. (talk about irony!)
5-12-09. Fire restrictions begin in the Tonto National Forest in Arizona on May 14th. A Red Flag Warning is posted for northern Arizona.
5-13-09. A five thousand acre fire near Springerville, Arizona is 65% contained; human caused.
Nine months after Hurricane Ike Texas is experiencing a baby boom. Thousands of people were stranded at home for days, even weeks with no electricity. One doctor said of the increase in births “You can only do so much when there’s no television, nothing open and nowhere to go.” (Editor’s note; it is a sad commentary on our numb, robotic lives when it takes a natural disaster to force us to do what we really enjoy to do, but put aside, due to the “necessities” at hand.)
5-14-09. Prescott National Forest restrictions take place in one week.
Tornadoes kill three people in Kirksville, Missouri and thousands without power.
Santa Barbara fire is 85% contained and all evacuees are allowed to return home; eighty homes destroyed.
5-15-09. Ozone Health Watch issued for Phoenix.
Second cyclone in a week hits the Philippines killing twenty four people.
5-10-09. Thousands return home but Santa Barbara fire fight goes on with thirty percent containment.
Powerful storms batter Kansas, Kentucky, Illinois and Missouri with six people killed and one hundred and fifty thousand without power. One hundred mph winds are recorded.
Three hundred National Guardsmen are helping residents in Gilbert, West Virginia recover from flooding that has destroyed three hundred buildings.
Floods ease in Brazil but three hundred thousand are homeless and thirty dead after worst flooding in decades.
5-11-09. Fire ban issued in all of Maricopa County, Arizona parks.
Santa Barbara fire was caused by a spark from a power tool used to clear brush to prevent fires. (talk about irony!)
5-12-09. Fire restrictions begin in the Tonto National Forest in Arizona on May 14th. A Red Flag Warning is posted for northern Arizona.
5-13-09. A five thousand acre fire near Springerville, Arizona is 65% contained; human caused.
Nine months after Hurricane Ike Texas is experiencing a baby boom. Thousands of people were stranded at home for days, even weeks with no electricity. One doctor said of the increase in births “You can only do so much when there’s no television, nothing open and nowhere to go.” (Editor’s note; it is a sad commentary on our numb, robotic lives when it takes a natural disaster to force us to do what we really enjoy to do, but put aside, due to the “necessities” at hand.)
5-14-09. Prescott National Forest restrictions take place in one week.
Tornadoes kill three people in Kirksville, Missouri and thousands without power.
Santa Barbara fire is 85% contained and all evacuees are allowed to return home; eighty homes destroyed.
5-15-09. Ozone Health Watch issued for Phoenix.
The bodies of two men swept away in the Grand Canyon found ten miles from where they disappeared last month. The Grand Canyon opens the north rim due to warmer weather.
Devastating human caused wildfires in California are on the increase. The last was the Santa Barbara fire as pointed out earlier in the fantastic weather journal.
Devastating human caused wildfires in California are on the increase. The last was the Santa Barbara fire as pointed out earlier in the fantastic weather journal.
Another fire was caused by embers from a camp fire that drifted, igniting a blaze that destroyed fifty three homes in Malibu Canyon.
The third was caused by a man driving on a dirt road in the forest. He stopped his car on dry grass and engine heat set off a fire that burned thousands of acres.
5-16-09. Ozone Health Watch issued for Phoenix.
The Lucky Duck derby conducted in a Tempe canal. The toy duck race won the owner ten thousand dollars. This great publication petitioned the sponsors to paint all of the ducks blue but the Editor in Chief was committed to an Asylum for a short period of time.
Three hundred pound black bear gets trapped in an unlocked SUV after entering the vehicle near Denver. The bear tore the inside of the cab to pieces trying to escape and the car was totaled from the damage. The only food in the vehicle were two energy bars.
5-17-09. Thunderstorms and rain reported in Mesa, Sun Lakes and Florence after a 107 degree high in Phoenix.
5-18-09. Ozone Health Advisory posted for Phoenix. Wildfire near Bisbee, Arizona threatens structures. There are six slurry bombers in the area and gusty winds are adding to the blaze. It is near highway 80 and one hundred and eighty acres are burned. It is 40% contained and human caused.
Woman in Colorado lost beloved horse in a violent storm last May that caused a shed to collapse on the animal. Embryos from the horse were used to cultivate eggs to transplant into mares. A new foal looks like the biological mom. (spooky shit here!)
Israel dealing with heat wave and zoo bears are being given “frozen fish-cicles.” (I swear we don’t make this shit up!.)
5-19-09. Last night strong winds knocked down power poles near Gilbert and University Roads in Mesa; one car with a driver in it was crushed. In Surprise, Arizona lightning caused a house fire.
Mudslides on a rain soaked mountain in the southern Philippines killed twenty six people in a gold mining village.
5-21-09. For three straight days drought stricken Florida has experienced heavy rain and flooding. Thirteen inches of rain fell at Daytona Beach and some areas in Flagler County have received up to nineteen inches of rain. A tornado damaged parts of Seminole County.
The Red River in Fargo, North Dakota is finally below the eighteen foot flood stage after sixty one days. A flood stage record has been set for that city.
And now for our National duck hero; a banker in Spokane, Washington spotted twelve baby ducklings in a nest stranded on a building ledge twenty feet above the ground. The stupid mama duck knew it was time to get the little shits to water but they were helpless. The mother flew below the ledge trying to coax the mindless quackers to follow.
Mr. BankerDuck knew the quacklings were going to jump so he stood below the nest for twelve hours catching the ducklys one by one as they jumped. The mother and her ducklings are fine and the banker was fired for ignoring his job. (not)
5-22-09. University of Arizona climatologists predict another above average monsoon moisture producer. Two years in a row have not happened in ten years. Phoenix had twice the normal rainfall last summer than the average. Last year Mexico had the wettest monsoon since 1941.
5-16-09. Ozone Health Watch issued for Phoenix.
The Lucky Duck derby conducted in a Tempe canal. The toy duck race won the owner ten thousand dollars. This great publication petitioned the sponsors to paint all of the ducks blue but the Editor in Chief was committed to an Asylum for a short period of time.
Three hundred pound black bear gets trapped in an unlocked SUV after entering the vehicle near Denver. The bear tore the inside of the cab to pieces trying to escape and the car was totaled from the damage. The only food in the vehicle were two energy bars.
5-17-09. Thunderstorms and rain reported in Mesa, Sun Lakes and Florence after a 107 degree high in Phoenix.
5-18-09. Ozone Health Advisory posted for Phoenix. Wildfire near Bisbee, Arizona threatens structures. There are six slurry bombers in the area and gusty winds are adding to the blaze. It is near highway 80 and one hundred and eighty acres are burned. It is 40% contained and human caused.
Woman in Colorado lost beloved horse in a violent storm last May that caused a shed to collapse on the animal. Embryos from the horse were used to cultivate eggs to transplant into mares. A new foal looks like the biological mom. (spooky shit here!)
Israel dealing with heat wave and zoo bears are being given “frozen fish-cicles.” (I swear we don’t make this shit up!.)
5-19-09. Last night strong winds knocked down power poles near Gilbert and University Roads in Mesa; one car with a driver in it was crushed. In Surprise, Arizona lightning caused a house fire.
Mudslides on a rain soaked mountain in the southern Philippines killed twenty six people in a gold mining village.
5-21-09. For three straight days drought stricken Florida has experienced heavy rain and flooding. Thirteen inches of rain fell at Daytona Beach and some areas in Flagler County have received up to nineteen inches of rain. A tornado damaged parts of Seminole County.
The Red River in Fargo, North Dakota is finally below the eighteen foot flood stage after sixty one days. A flood stage record has been set for that city.
And now for our National duck hero; a banker in Spokane, Washington spotted twelve baby ducklings in a nest stranded on a building ledge twenty feet above the ground. The stupid mama duck knew it was time to get the little shits to water but they were helpless. The mother flew below the ledge trying to coax the mindless quackers to follow.
Mr. BankerDuck knew the quacklings were going to jump so he stood below the nest for twelve hours catching the ducklys one by one as they jumped. The mother and her ducklings are fine and the banker was fired for ignoring his job. (not)
5-22-09. University of Arizona climatologists predict another above average monsoon moisture producer. Two years in a row have not happened in ten years. Phoenix had twice the normal rainfall last summer than the average. Last year Mexico had the wettest monsoon since 1941.
Flood Advisory for Coconino County. Almost an inch and a half of rain has fallen in Cave Creek, Arizona in the past twenty-four hours.
Sixty acre wildfire in San Diego County with mandatory evacuations.
The sandbag total in North Dakota to hold back the Red River totals eighteen million. The city does not know what to do with them now that the river is receding.
Torrential rains flood Australia’s east coast; thousands evacuate and some areas under thirty-two feet of water. Ten inches of rain fell in thirty-nine hours.
5-23-09. Florida Governor declares State of Emergency in six counties due to flooding. The Space Shuttle return delayed for second day due to weather.
Alaskan authorities file charges against seventy year old man for feeding and befriending black bears for the last twenty years. Twenty counts of illegally feeding bears could carry a fine of ten thousand dollars and one year in jail. (Editor’s note; there sure isn’t any mention of this wise man feeding grizzlies.)
5-24-09. The record high for this date in Phoenix was 109 degrees in 2001. The record low temperature was 52 degrees in 1909.
Brush fire in northern San Diego burns one hundred acres and destroys three homes.
After three days of bad weather in Florida the Space Shuttle finally lands in California.
Bengal tiger attacks zoo keeper in Memphis; the man survives with deep puncture wounds in his legs.
5-25-09. Fifteen killed as Cyclone Aila hits Bangladesh, India. Thousands of people are stranded by flooding. Several rivers burst their banks in the Sundarbans Tiger Reserve, home to one of the world’s largest tiger populations. The fate of the tigers is unknown.
5-26-09. One inch of rain per hour falling on portions of the East Coast.
5-28-09. The cyclone death toll in India reaches one hundred and ninety one people. The fate of five hundred Bengal tigers is still unknown. One tiger took refuge in a house and had to be sedated and removed by authorities.
Worldwide carbon pollution will grow by forty percent by 2030. Much of the increase will come from the ever expanding India and China.
5-29-09. First tropical depression forms in the Atlantic Ocean and the hurricane season officially begins on June 1st.
5-30-09. There is a Flood Advisory in Flagstaff with one to three inches of rain expected. The rain cooled air has temperatures forty five degrees cooler than Phoenix.
Surprise man has been missing in the Grand Canyon for a week.
A dam in Brazil breaks from heavy rains, five dead and four missing. Five hundred homes were destroyed and three thousand people are homeless.
In Iowa, a video camera in a moving police car captures a deer easily jumping over the front of the vehicle and clearing the hurdle.
5-31-09. Lightning caused fire in the Santa Rita Mountains, part of the Coronado National Forest, has burned fourteen hundred acres with no containment.
Air searches for missing man in the Grand Canyon are called off because a week has lapsed; ground searches will continue.
Before I get to the quotes from our fine contributing editors, and I use that term loosely, I would like to quote the eternal Mark Twain. “Whiskey’s for drinking, water’s for fighting for”. Amen Mr. Twain.
As always the depth of the Mighty Broduck amazes me. If you look back at his past quotes you can sense the deep love he has for his family, immediate and distant. This month’s quote is
“Going to the dentist is like visiting your in-laws; it only happens a couple of times a year and even though painful you have to do it."
(huh?)
And finally the Ryduck quote once more proves that you “don’t need a weather man to know which way the wind blows” or where the cows are shitting.
And finally the Ryduck quote once more proves that you “don’t need a weather man to know which way the wind blows” or where the cows are shitting.
“You can sometimes smell a storm coming. Low pressure allows methane gas to rise and drift with the current.”
The song for the month is “Emotional Weather Forecast” by Tom Waits.
Until the arrow flies next month always remember Pioneers took bullets, Settlers took land.
Professor MRBlueduck
The song for the month is “Emotional Weather Forecast” by Tom Waits.
Until the arrow flies next month always remember Pioneers took bullets, Settlers took land.
Professor MRBlueduck
1 comment:
Did any of those nerds in your weather class mention that they were interested in solar energy?
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