September Blue Duck Weather 2009

September 2009 Weather News

There are a two additions to this action packed ever evolving mind altering weather journal; the fledgling TwinkyDuck will be reporting on rare statistics and records in this beloved state of Arizona. A faithful reader of this ingenious weather report, RyDuck, will be reporting eventful weather as it happens from a secluded and secret location in the high mountains of Colorado. We are proud to announce both of these fine weather buffs to our Duckitzer Prize Winning weather reporting staff (not to be confused with the Pulitzer, actually this one is more prestigious.)

This fine edition of BlueDuck Weather has many astounding facts far beyond the weather in itself. You will actually read a corny duck joke that will be dubbed a literary cartoon. Read how the 2009 monsoon was a bust, the difference between Atlantic and Pacific hurricanes, more missing hikers in Arizona, rare flash flooding in Sedona for September, my personal decree of when the monsoon was over instead of the bullshit official date of September 30th, a popular Arizona lake which has turned into a garbage pit, man eating pythons right here in the United States, where Aspen trees are dying off at an alarming rate, more California wildfires, Environmental terrorism, Feral cats overrunning one city in the Phoenix area, bizarre human behavior around animals and last and I hope certainly least “cat attire to make them feel sexy.” ( What has happened to this fucked up world?) Oh and lest we forget, another sighting of the egg sucking Bull snake that some of you saw in an amazing photo shot earlier this month on The Land!

In my not so humble opinion September was boring on the desert, I was ready for the summer to be over, the monsoon didn’t do shit (although much more impressive rain amounts occurred at the Land than for you dried up Bastards in Phoenix) and I was just ready for the psychological mind fuck of summer to be over. September just droned on and there was only one degree of average cooling at the end of the month than the beginning of the month. Thankfully there were no 110s but Phoenix had five days of over one hundred and five, two of them nearly set records at the end of the month. The ever cool paradise known as The Land never reached 105. On the other hand the cool mountains of Talking Trees and Antelope Hill cooled ten degrees from the beginning of the month to the end. Yes Virginia, there is Fall somewhere.

The average temperature at the Land was 85.16 degrees and the high country of New Mexico was 60.40 degrees.

The average humidity at the Land was 31.70%. The average dew point was 47.06 degrees. This was nowhere in monsoon territory so how can the National Weather Service proclaim September 30th as the new end of the “official” monsoon?

The average wind speed was 5.23mph.
The Land had an impressive .48’’ of rain for the month bringing the total rainfall for the year to 4.01’’ for the year. The official total for Phoenix for the year is 2.78“.

Through exhaustive research TwinkyDuck found that the greatest amount of rainfall in Arizona for a twenty four hour period was 11.4’’ near Globe on September 4-5, 1970. This is unimaginable to me. One summer night on my birthday in the mid 80's almost four inches of rain fell. We were unable to drive anywhere for two days and the roads looked like a moonscape, contorted with beaches of sand in the middle of them and cars resting capriciously on that sand. Our mailbox and stand, set in concrete was washed away never to be found. Although our porch is sixteen inches above the ground scorpions were crawling between the boards to escape the water. Another example is RyDuck and I were trapped by floodwaters for an additional twenty four hours after an inch and a half of rain fell in twelve hours north of the area that received over eleven inches of rain on that fateful day.

Although they say the melting snow pack is what really effects water storage in the desert the lack of summer rains have to be a contributing factor also. Here are the pathetic lake levels for the end of summer; Mead is down to 40%, Powell is the shining river rising to 64%, Pleasant is holding her own at 91% and Roosevelt is down to 80% from 100% last Spring.
9-1- The Water Wheel fire north of Payson has grown to eight hundred acres and is 20% contained. Moisture from hurricane may reach Arizona in three days.

Sixty two buildings are destroyed and twelve thousand homes are threatened by fire north of L.A. There are thirty six thousand firefighters fighting fires around California. Many are praying that moisture from Hurricane Jimena will help the fight.

Mexico evacuates thousands ahead of Hurricane Jimenez. It has weakened to a Category 3 hurricane but still threatens Cabos San Lucas with 120mph winds.

9-2- Fire north of Payson forty five percent contained.
Fifty percent humidity helps firefighters in California. The largest fire is twenty two percent contained.

Tropical Storm Erika forms in the Atlantic.
Most Pacific hurricanes never make landfall but Jimena is. This hurricane is pounding the center of the Mexico Baja, California Peninsula but winds have diminished to 105mph. The last time a hurricane struck California was in 1858.
Oceanic and atmospheric conditions push Atlantic hurricanes toward land and Pacific hurricanes away from land.

These two animal stories were reported in the tiny Maricopa Communicator and I root for the animals. “An animal problem was reported at the high school football field. The maintenance crew said a skunk with a cup on its head was trapped under a trash can.” “An animal problem was reported at Bowlin Road and Highway 347 when a coyote was seen going toward Maricopa Elementary School. ( Call out the fucking heavy arsenal!)

9-3- The massive wildfire north of Los Angeles has burned over one hundred and forty thousand acres, destroyed sixty four homes and threatens twelve thousand more. The fire was human caused but the reason is not yet known. It has turned into a homicide investigation since two firefighters have been killed. The fire is only twenty eight percent contained.
Hurricane Jimena is downgraded to a tropical storm but drought stricken areas of Mexico are receiving drenching rain.

Temperatures in the Arctic Ocean are warmer than they have been in the last two thousand years according to some scientists.

9-4- Apache Junction and Queen Creek, Arizona received three inches of rain in one hour last night. Flash flood watches are issued for Globe and Wickenberg. With some help from the rain the Taylor and the Waterwheel fires in northern Arizona are contained.
The Station fire north of Los Angeles is now the largest fire in California history. It is forty five percent contained.

9-5- There is a Flash Flood Watch for the entire state of Arizona. The largest storm of the monsoon season has occurred thanks to moisture left over from Jimena. 1.38’’ of rain fell in Apache Junction and 1.14’’ in Queen Creek.
The west end of the Station Fire in California has been contained. The fire has burned one hundred and fifty four thousand acres with seventy six homes burned. A one hundred thousand dollar reward is offered for the capture of the arsonist(s).

Heavy flooding in west Africa affecting three hundred and fifty thousand people.
The drought is drying up springs in Austin, Texas and the Barton Springs salamander, unique to the area, is threatened.

For the first time in United States history two Great White sharks have been spotted, tracked and tagged for observation near Cape Cod.

9-5- The Station Fire is fifty percent contained.
The Arizona Game and Fish Department is seeking the publics help to determine who wounded a large bull elk near Tusayan last month. The elk was wounded by an arrow but archery season does not begin until mid September.

9-7- A dry winter and a weak monsoon places Arizona back on drought status. 2.77’’ of rain is normal for the monsoon, so far only .08’’ officially in Phoenix.

The Station Fire has been burning for fourteen days consuming one hundred fifty thousand, two hundred and twenty acres. It is fifty six percent contained.

Tropical Storm Linda is forming in the Pacific.

A hiker has been missing in the Grand Canyon for a week. The man checked into a hotel and hasn’t been seen since. His car was found at a trail head. Relatives say he was an experienced hiker.

A mountain lion living in a Seattle park for two weeks closes the park until its capture.

9-8- If you will recall last month I reported a link for reporting rain. As it turned out it was a link to gay website. Today in the Arizona Republic the correct link was issued as a “correction.’’

Tropical Storm Fred in the Atlantic has the potential to be a hurricane in two to five days.
Rain floods parts of Mexico City. Three and a half inches of rain fell in one day but it is not enough to ease the drought.

9-9- Missing hiker found dead in the Grand Canyon. No cause was released.

“Once in a century” rain kills twenty in Turkey with six foot deep flash flooding.

Fred turns into a Category 3 hurricane with 120mph sustained winds.
A fierce storm that turned into a tornado kills fifteen people in Argentina and Brazil.
Landslides in Chile kills two and strands foreign skiers. Heavy rain has been falling instead of snow.

9-10- Flash flooding damages the town of Sedona, Arizona with two and a half inches of rain in one hour. (Sure wish I would have been there snug as a bug in a cabin at Junipine.)
Fred weakens to a Category 2 hurricane.

The Farmer’s Almanac predicts a colder winter, contrary to the National Weather Service. Despite new technology millions, especially in rural areas trust the Almanac.

9-11- WE CAN NEVER FORGET!

Cleanup is under way in Sedona after flash floods and mud ran into businesses and stacked cars on top of one another. Water ran into some stores and one school.

Two men were rescued off of Camelback mountain in Phoenix. One was stung one hundred times by bees and the other was overcome by heat.

9-12- A Flash Flood Advisory is issued for Yavapai County in Arizona. Cottonwood receives heavy rain.

A hiker is missing in the Lost Dutchman State Park near the Superstition Mountains in Arizona.

Although it has been a mild hurricane season this is the first anniversary of Hurricane Ike. It was the third most destructive hurricane in U.S. history.

9-13- Horseback riders and dogs join in the search for the missing hiker in Lost Dutchman State Park. The man was an experienced hiker and only supposed to be gone for half of a day. His motorcycle was found in the parking lot.

Storms in Walnut Creek, California knock out power and start brush fires.

9-14- THE MONSOON IS OVER AT THE LAND! Dew points have been down into the forties for several days, the sky is blue and the air is drying out.

Torrential rain has ravaged Africa’s western coast for the past three months killing one hundred and fifty nine and displacing six hundred thousand. People “live like fish’ and some eat, sleep and work in the water.

9-15- Today marks the latest Phoenix has ever recorded a one hundred and ten degree day and that was in 2000.

9-16- It is Official; this summer is the third driest ever recorded in Arizona in the last one hundred and fifteen years.

The search for a missing hiker in the Lost Dutchman State Park has turned into a recovery mission. Extreme temperatures and the amount of food and water supplies for a half day hike eliminates his chances for survival.

Texans rains one hundred and thirty five million dollars to rebuild the Galveston sea wall damaged after last year’s Hurricane Ike.

9-17- Missing hikers body found near the Lost Dutchman trailhead.

Eight inches of rain fell in Cookesville, Tennessee.

Tropical Storm Marty forms in the Pacific. This is the 13th named storm this season. There has been more activity in the Pacific than the Atlantic.

Lightning kills five children in Africa as they were preparing to begin their school day.

9-18- A thirteen year old boy is charged with starting a twenty one hundred acre wildfire with matches in California. He may have set other fires according to investigators. (A prankster or an environmental terrorist?)

9-19- Two and a half inches of rain fell in forty eight minutes near Roosevelt Lake! Dust storms in Pinal County with 25mph sustained winds.

Volunteer scuba divers clean up trash at the bottom of “pristine” Lake Pleasant near Phoenix. They reported a dump with diapers, cans and even a bbq. Today marks an effort to clean up lakes worldwide.

The Station fire is still burning after twenty four days and one hundred and eighty nine thousand acres have been consumed.

A new species of fish has been found near Brazil.

9-20- Air crews continue to drop water on the Station fire. It is ninety three percent contained but a warming trend and Santa Ana winds are forecast.

A record five inches of rain fell in Atlanta, Georgia.

Five African rock pythons have been caught in the Florida Everglades. This species of snake has been known to eat people in Africa. It may be a hybrid introduced to this area. ( I guess I shouldn’t be so pissed about finding a bull snake swallowing a chicken egg today at The Land.)

9-21- Aspen trees in northern Arizona are dying off at an alarming rate. There are up to ninety percent fewer trees in some areas than fifteen years ago. Drought, insects and the grazing habits of elk may be to blame.

One day before Autumn and RyDuck reports the first snow of the season from his secluded location in Colorado.

Some parts of Georgia have received TWENTY INCHES OF RAIN in the last three days. Three die after being swept away in their cars by flood waters.

9-22- Autumn begins at two fifteen p.m. in Phoenix. A freeze warning is issued for northern Arizona for tonight above seven thousand feet. ( Yes sir, it’s a fucking celebration. The Land didn’t make it to one hundred degrees today. I’ve got my long johns out and ready to wear.)

A State of Emergency has been declared due to recent flooding in Sedona.
Snow in parts of Colorado and a Winter Storm Watch has been posted for Boulder.
Flooding has cut off freeways in Georgia. There are seventeen bridges under water or washed out. The death toll from drowning is up to eight.

The U.S. Department of Agriculture has designated fifty out of fifty eight counties in California natural disaster areas due to crop losses from a prolonged drought. (Between fires and this the “Golden State” is in serious trouble.)

9-23- First freeze of the year at Talking Trees and Antelope Hill with a low of thirty one degrees.

RyDuck reported at three p.m. it was thirty eight degrees and raining. (Ooshy!)

Death toll up to ten in Georgia as flood waters recede.
In Ventura, California a fire that began yesterday has grown to sixteen thousand acres. One college has been closed and one thousand homes have been threatened. Spontaneous combustion from a manure pile on a ranch is thought to be the cause.

Rare huge red dust storms hit Sidney, Australia and international flights are diverted from its airport. Five million tons of dust blow in from drought stricken regions. This has not happened in seventy years.

Only in California; a law is passed to allow only one rooster per property in L.A. County. ( I guess you might call it a noise ordinance!)

9-24- Tropical Storm Nora forms in the Pacific.
Numerous large dead squid washing up on Central Oregon’s coast. No reason for deaths given.

9-25- Six citrus grove workers in Yuma, Arizona are attacked by bees. One man went into shock after being stung twenty five times on the head and face.

The Station Fire, burning for almost a month is ninety eight percent contained. Rains will have to complete the job. The wildfire in Ventura, California has burned sixteen thousand, five hundred acres and is forty percent contained. A sixteen year old boy has been arrested in connection with a dozen wildfires. The fires had a “commonality” to them but no other details have been released.

9-26- A major weather fuck up was reported on National news today. The report talked about a massive dust storm in Phoenix with photos that looked like the Sahara Desert. There were not dust storms anywhere in Arizona today.

More rain falls in Georgia today and Vice President Joe ( the joker) Biden toured areas near Atlanta and pledged Federal aid.

A month’s worth of rain fell in Manila, Philippines. Tropical Storm Ketsana killed forty and stranded thousands on rooftops.

Foreclosed neighborhoods in Phoenix are overrun by stray cats and incessant breeding of them. No leash law applies to cats. ( I have a fine scoped air rifle that delivers a golden point bullet at about fifteen hundred feet per second. I am for hire.)(Mrs. Blue Duck says cats have NO worries.....Blue duck on the other hand better run if I see the air rifle pointed at a cat)

9-28- Wind Advisory posted for north west Arizona for tomorrow.
The Philippines death toll is up to one hundred and forty from recent flooding. Water had been so high in one area there was a mattress hanging form a telephone pole.

A mental evaluation has been ordered for a man who jumped into a grizzly bear enclosure at the San Francisco zoo. Authorities said the only thing the man did right was stand still as the grizzlies sniffed at his feet.

9-29- High temperatures for Phoenix may be in the high eighties in the next few days. There have not been highs this cool since May 22nd. Red Flag Warning issued for northern Arizona and a Pollution Advisory for Phoenix.

Leaking dam on the Green River near the Seattle area is the cause for grave concern. The dam has been showing stress since heavy rains occurred last January. The Army Corps of Engineers have brought in four hundred thousand sandbags to fortify the dam.

Typhoon Ketsana gains strength after leaving the Philippines and slams into Vietnam. Thirty two people are killed and one hundred and seventy thousand are evacuated. The destruction from the storm in Manila has caused two hundred and forty six deaths and 1.9 million homes have been flooded.

The fucking, egg-sucking, bull snake was back today. Enough is enough. The shit head just looked at me with the egg bulge in its throat. I can’t stand rude behavior in a snake. The next time I see the thief he is a dead snakes friend.

9-30- 53mph winds in Tuba City and 46 mph winds in Flagstaff, Arizona. The monsoon is “officially” over and ended up being the tenth driest and SECOND HOTTEST on record.
Fashion wigs for cats are being sold. A Lady Gaga wig sold for fifty dollars. “The wigs make cats feel more sexy”. (Are you fucking kidding me? )

Here it is folks, the quote of the month from the Mighty BroadDuck. “My head phones benefit me in two ways; to wrap the music around my soul and block out the idiots around me”. (“Arguing With Idiots” by Glenn Beck is in a book store near you.)

Nature’s weather sign from the elusive RyDuck this month is “A heavy red rainbow may mean more rain while rich blues suggest clear skies ahead.”

And the very appropriate song for this month is “Rainy Night In Georgia” re-done by Tony Joe White.

To close this fine weather journal the staff at BlueDuck weather has decided to include a duck joke. We never joke about anything in this weather journal because it all is a joke, and as my dad tells me almost daily, “I’m no Joker, boy, I’m the real deal.”

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.
As she laid her pet on the table the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.
After a moment or two the vet shook his head sadly and said “I’m sorry, your duck Cuddles, has passed away.”
The distressed woman wailed “Are you sure?”
“Yes I am sure, the duck is dead”, replied the Vet.
“How can you be so sure, I mean you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma” the woman protested.
The Vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever.
As the duck’s owner looked in amazement, the dog stood up on its hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the Vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The Vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.
A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and delicately sniffed the duck from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The Vet looked at the woman and said “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, one hundred percent certifiably a dead duck.” The Vet turned to his computer, hit a few keys, and produced a bill which he handed the woman.
The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “ A hundred and fifty dollars just to tell me my duck is dead?” she cried.
The Vet shrugged. “I’m sorry. If you had taken my word the bill would have been twenty dollars. But with the lab report and cat scan it is now one hundred and fifty dollars.”
Contributing Editor, The Lovely Mrs. BlueDuck.
Until next month when you are staked on the ground and red ants are crawling and biting every opening in your body remember, Pioneers took bullets, Settlers took land.
The Distinguished, Honorable Professor MR BlueDuck