October Weather News

October 2007
Blue Duck Weather

This is a somber, if not totally sober, edition of the Blue Duck Weather News Report. While a much needed cool down was happening in Arizona parts of the country were experiencing tragic weather consequences. The fine staff at Blue Duck Weather deliberated for many hours (over the peace pipe) whether to bring its fine audience news about the devastating fires in Southern California. The historical, social and political reasons for such intense fires are enormous. However the fires were intensified by the hot breath of the Santa Anna (devil) winds blowing from the East to the West at speeds of ninety miles per hour. Although these fires were caused by man (that is a loose term) weather played a huge role in the intensity and outcome. Weather played an enormous role in the amount of fuels feeding the fires. Blue Duck Weather News felt compelled and obligated to report to you the facts from our beady eyes and pointed beaks without interpretation or political slant. You can listen to the fucking talking heads on your favorite network "news" channel.
Leaving that brilliant editorial by your humble Editor in Chief let us concentrate on the weather in this Great Sate of Arizona and from around the country. Typically in Arizona October has the greatest decrease of temperature of any month. 2003 recorded the warmest October in Arizona history. There was no rainfall this October. Phoenix stands with 2.67 inches of rain and the beloved Land has 3.88 inches. (Mother Nature better get busy if we are to finish the year with our normal of seven inches.) Two nipple raising wind chills were recorded at the Land in October, the first since last winter.
The average temperature on the Land was 69.12 degrees. The averages on Antelope Hill and Talking Trees was 48.67 degrees.
The average humidity on the Land was 26.77 percent and the dew point was 31.61 degrees. Gone are the twenty point spread we saw during the summer and monsoon.
The average wind speed was 3.77 miles per hour. But on October 17th an eleven mile per hour wind made seventy seven degrees feel like a chilly seventy five degrees. On October 21st a six mile per hour wind made seventy three degrees feel like a frosty seventy one degrees.
10-1. Tornado in Iowa. Major cleanup under way.
10-3. The final two months of the Atlantic hurricane season could produce an above average of storms. Four more storms could form. Of the four two will become hurricanes with winds over 111 miles per hour.
Fifty percent of Americans say they're personally worried about global warming with it impacting all people of the world.
10-4. Vietnam typhoon evacuates four hundred thousand people.
10-8. According to the National Snow and Ice data center at the University of Colorado September sea ice was thirty nine percent below the long term average from 1979 to 2000. There may be a possible ice free Artic Ocean by 2030. Temperatures sixteen degrees above normal recorded in New York City and Philadelphia. Record heat in Chicago cancelled a Sunday marathon run. Forty six year old record of ninety one degrees tied in Nashville.
10-10. Hottest and driest growing season in Tennessee in one hundred years. USDA declares all ninety five counties drought disaster areas.
10-12. World wide surface humidity from 1973 to 1999 increased 2.2 percent. Tennessee river down fifty percent in capacity. S.E. part of state worst drought stricken in United Sates.
10-15. Twenty five degrees at the Grand Canyon. Georgia declares three month water supply if no rain comes. Heavy flooding in North Texas. One hundred (duck) flights cancelled.
10-16. West and Southeast drought will spread into mid Atlantic states. Blinding sand storm in California causes twelve car pile up killing two.
10-17. Officials in parched Georgia threaten to sue Army Corp of Engineers for draining reservoirs. Eleven tornadoes reported in SW Missouri.
10-18. Tornados in Florida and Arkansas. Georgia pool builders threatened by drought. High winds kill two in Missouri. Thirty people injured by winds knocking down canopies at October Fest. Seventy thousand without power. Dip in jet stream from West pushing South East tornado watches all the way to Memphis. Two hundred and fifty six reports of severe weather in Ohio River valley. Thirteen confirmed Tornados. 103 degree record in Phoenix in 2003.
10-19. Michigan tornado leaves six dead. A baby in Florida tossed twenty five feet by heavy winds, mobile homes blown apart. Georgia reports no water backup for worst drought in history. Fire weather-watch in Northern Arizona. Unusual October tornadoes reported in Mid West.
10-20. Prescott Valley has bidders in line for waste water. ( Hell, they can pop the top off of my septic tank and drink all they want.!) Georgia declares state of emergency and asks President for help. Fading Fall colors in New England blamed on climate change. Chicago boy struck by lightning while riding his bike, alive because he was grounded by the rubber tires. 103 degree record in Phoenix in 2003. Heavy snow predicted for mountains of Colorado.
10-21. Massive wildfire erupts in Malibu. One thousand acres consumed. Red flag warning posted for all of Arizona. Extremely rare that winds aren't predicted to stop after sunset. Twenty one degree low reported in Quemado, New Mexico. 103 record in Phoenix, 2003.
10-22. Interstate Eight into San Diego closed. Two hundred and sixty five thousand people evacuated due to fire. One hundred and sixty five thousand acres burned. State of emergency declared in LA County. Too many fires reported to do anything but assist in evacuation. Wind gusts up to seventy miles per hour. Three inches of rain for the year, normal is twelve inches. Humidity four percent. City wide flash flooding in New Orleans with ten inches of rain. Sixty mile per hour winds in Flagstaff.
10-23. Nine hundred and ten thousand people evacuated in Southern California. Four hundred thousand acres burned. More heavy rains in New Orleans. Still no frost in Minnesota and two weeks late.
10-24. Sixteen separate fires burning in Southern California. Eight hundred thousand acres burned, twelve hundred homes and one hundred businesses lost. Twenty thousand avocado trees lost. (Your fucking guacamole dip will cost as much as a barrel of oil come Super Bowl Sunday.) Arson suspected in some of the fires, downed power lines blamed for one.
10-26. Haze from California fires reaches Arizona as wind shifts from west to east.
10-28. Temperatures ten to fifteen degrees warmer than normal in Phoenix. New record of 97 degrees. Latest date this warm was in 1997. 2700 structures destroyed in California fires. Seven people killed.
10-29. Ninety five degrees new record in Phoenix. New record high low temperature of seventy degrees. Seven of the last eleven days have posted ninety degrees or above.
10-30. Atlanta Aquarium drains some exhibits to conserve water. Tropical storm Noel hits Cuba after killing twenty two people in the Caribbean. Florida hoping for much needed rain from this storm. Drought in Arizona into twelfth year. Tens of thousands flee from flooding in Southern Mexico. Forty acres burning south of Prescott. Noel storm warning along Florida coast. Religious leaders call for action on global warming.
There you have it faithful readers. An exhaustive account to a wild month of weather. Let's hope and ask our ''religious leaders" to pray for a more-mild November with a gentle soaking of rain on this parched planet. In the meantime remember the Blue Duck Weather News credo; Pioneers took bullets, settlers took land.
In a rush to jump out and check the daily weather I almost forgot the song of the month If You’re Traveling the North Country Fair by Bob Dylan
I look forward reporting next month's exciting edition of the Blue Duck Weather News.
Your faithful Editor in Chief,
MR Blueduck

September Blueduck Weather News

Blue Duck News

September 2007


An exciting new feature has been added to this latest addition of the Blue Duck Weather News. Beginning with this edition we will be reporting the water levels of the four largest lakes in the state. Yes my faithful readers, the largest lakes not the mud puddles and tadpole producers in the rest of the state. These are the largest toilet flushers. You can draw your own fucking conclusions about the drought status. Please note that lake amounts are recorded in acre feet of water not gallons as used by the nimrods in the swimming pool industry.
Lake Powell- 49% full with 96,400 acre feet of water.
Lake Mead- 46% with 94,300 acre feet of water.
Roosevelt Lake- 47% capacity with 13,701 acre feet of water.
Lake Pleasant- 43% with 6,061 acre feet.
The average temperature at the Land in September was 86.60 degrees. The average temperature on Antelope Hill and Talking Trees was a blissful 64.28 degrees.
The average humidity on the Land was 36.35% and the dew point was 51.62 degrees; not exactly dry but not tropical either.
The average wind speed was 3.024 mph No kites were witnessed but plenty of buzzards were spotted on the thermals; spiked beak, beady eyed bastards waiting to dive on some unsuspecting but quite unaware carrion.
The warmest September on record for Arizona was 2001.
9-1. 32nd day of temperatures in PHX. 110 degrees or higher.
9-4. Thousands of Californians without power as heat wave drags on and drains energy supplies. Two hurricanes making landfall, the first time since 1949.
9-7. U of A Climatologist predicts another dry winter for Arizona. Not good for an already twelve years of drought. California considers water rationing, the first time since 1991.
9-8. Drought has reduced wine production in Australia. Grape production down thirty percent. Family owned business yields lowest production in one hundred and fifty years.
9-9. Moonlight fire in Northern California burns 42,000 acres, sixteen percent contained. Smoke causing health warnings. Severe flooding in SW Missouri. Tropical storm Gabriel makes landfall in North Carolina. Heavy rain and flooding in Willcox, Arizona.
9-9. Wind patterns changing from southwest to northeast, the first sign of the end of the monsoon.
9-10. 62,000 acres burned in the High Sierras. Smoke drifting all the way to San Francisco.
9-11. Wettest summer of all time in Texas. 9-11 ceremonies in New York windy and rainy. (This seems appropriate in contrast with the deep blue sky of that fateful day in 2001. There is a definite irony in the contrast of now and then.) First frost of year in Wisconsin. ( "See ya later Country Bumpkin, how's the frost out in the pumpkins, doodley do, doodley do.") 2008 Farmer's Almanac predicts warmest year ever coming. 87 degree record high low in Phx. 39 degree low in Alpine, AZ.
9-12. Tropical storm Humberto heads for rain soaked Texas. "Experts'' say eating less meat could cut down on gas released in atmosphere, there by cutting the green house effect. I say eat more beans and green Chile peppers and add a less harmful gas to the atmosphere after you blow your toilet apart.
9-13. Humberto turns into a Category one hurricane. Ten inches of rain fall in Eastern Texas and Louisiana. Much needed rain in deep south of Georgia and Mississippi. 109th day of temperatures at a hundred degrees or more in Phoenix. The low at the Grand Canyon was 39 degrees. Monsoon was "officially" over on 9-ll. Defined as three previous days with lower dew points, humidity and change in wind direction. The average rain amount during the monsoon is 2.68 inches of rain. Phoenix recorded .69 inches of rain for the entire monsoon tying the eighth driest year on record since 1895. "Experts" report once again that cutting down on meat consumption could reduce global warming. (We don't make this shit up.)
9-15. Severe thunderstorm warnings for Pima and Pinal counties; two to five inches or rain in locations.
9-16. As predicted and promised by the fine staff at Blue Duck Weather the monsoon had its last final blow at the Land. .11 inches of rain fell bringing the yearly total to 3.88 inches. Fifteen thousand acres burning in Big Bear. Twelve percent containment. State of emergency declared in San Bernardino County.
9-17. Lightning strikes Oregon church steeple twice in same day exposing dry rot. (I'm telling you we don't make this shit up in some opium dream.) First time all month temperatures in Phoenix not a hundred degrees or more. Solar energy bill signed to allow solar panels on homes despite fucking HOAS. Freeze warning above seven thousand feet in Arizona.
9-18. Photographer in Greenland taking time lapse photos of shrinking ice for three years. Hour by hour pictures show startling shrinkage of ice in three months. China evacuates 1.3 million people as typhoon nears coast. (Where in the hell do you evacuate a million people? into the sea like so many lemmings?) Thirty degrees in Flagstaff, twenty seven degrees at the Grand Canyon.
9-19. National Weather Service announces change in reporting Severe Weather alerts beginning October 1st. No more county alerts will be issued, only landmarks and large buildings.( Your fine staff at Blue Duck Weather are highly suspicious of this change and will monitor it closely. It just might be meteorological terrorism, subliminal mind fuck.) Tropical storm forming off Pacific gulf of Mexico. Expected to turn into a hurricane.

9-22. "Fall is in the air Alphie, toodely do, toodely do." First day of Autumn.
9-23. High temperature in Phoenix 86 degrees, low 56 degrees. The last time was May 8th.
9-25. Tropical storm Karen forms in the Atlantic.
9-26. Fire danger in Arizona rising with lower humidity and wind. There have been hints of year wide fire dangers in many western states. Your fine staff at Blue Duck Weather pray upon a rain drop this will never happen to this beloved State.
9-28. New hurricane Lorenzo seventy five miles east of Tux pan, Mexico.
9-29. Lorenzo down graded to a tropical storm but dumped a foot of rain in Central Mexico.
Thank you for reading this breath taking addition of The Blue Duck Weather News. The fine staff here will keep their beady eyes open, the beaks focused, and their ears open to the weather events that affect this great State, the Country and the glob(e). The songs for the month are "Hello Country Bumpkin " by Hall Ripkin, "Fall is in the Air" by God knows who, and "Dancing in the Rain" by I don't care.
Remember, Pioneers took bullets, Settlers took land.
Your brilliant Editor in Chief;
MR Blueduck.

August AZ Weather

Blue Duck News

August 2007


The dog days of summer my ass! The stinking, putrid, acid, pig stench DOG BREATH OF SUMMER! Thirty one days this summer of temperatures at or above 110 degrees. Broke the old record of twenty eight days and gave us the brain baked honor of having the hottest August on record.
And I thought we lived in a desert. The average humidity on the Land was 41.16 percent. The average dew point was 61.76 degrees (there's that mysterious twenty-point spread again). The average temperature was 92.06 degrees. This is the fucking tropics with little rain and blistering temperatures; enough to pop out eyeballs and turn tongues black. For the entire month of enduring crotch sweating and ass chafing we received a pitiful .61 inches of rain. An average wind speed of 3.95 miles per hour wasn't even enough to fly a kite or a duck (not that anyone would want to this stinking time of year.)
And then there's these places called Antelope Hill and Talking Trees three hundred and five miles North East of the Land where the average temperature was 69 beautiful, heavenly, moist eye degrees. Places called Paradise until someone discovers it and builds twenty five thousand cheap shit houses.
As always Blue Duck News is here to report the facts, accurately and without judgment. You will notice in this exciting edition that we have expanded our coverage to include these great United States and the world at large. We have spared no expense to send our feathered reporters to all parts of the globe thanks to the jet stream, occasional tornado and hurricane.
August First; Storms developing right on top of Phoenix instead of the mountains. This is a rare phenomenon. Some locations received three to four inches of rain in past several days. There were twelve water rescues but no one was given stupid idiot tickets because the other stupid idiots didn't have time to get barricades and "road closed" signs in place. This amount of rain has no impact on the drought. Not enough snow pack, no popsicles Charlie!
August Third: No above normal temperatures since July 19th. What a tease with what was yet to come!
August Fourth: Two hikers swept away in Sabino Canyon north of Tucson. Mt. Lemon campgrounds closed for remainder of week.
August Seventh: Heavy rain damages homes and the Verde River raised six feet and was as wide as a football field. Flows were reported heavier than recorded in the last thirty years. My beautiful Verde don't let them take you away. Raise hell and show them you are a force to be reckoned with. Bacteria from shit infested run off closes Oak Creek at Slide Rock.
August Eight: 102 record in Washington D.C. White cherry blossoms shrivel up like sun burnt toilet paper; Heavy flooding in New York and New Jersey; Rare tornados in these areas reported; Eastern half of the beloved United States under a severe heat warning; Tennessee swelters and a life like wax figure of Elvis melts at Graceland in a ooze of peanut butter and banana odor.
August Twelve: One hundred and fourteen degree record in Phoenix.
August Thirteenth: Ninety degree high low record in Phoenix.
August Fourteenth: Home in Maryvale struck by lightening and burns to the ground. Miraculously all occupants escaped without injury. They were found at the nearest church trying to locate a new God. Trailer park in Casa Grande leveled by a "micro-burst;" one bewildered resident with disheveled hair and a red nose told reporters it was definitely a tornado. The Blue Duck staff immediately interviewed the gentleman for a field reporter position. As a signing bonus he was given a gallon of Mogan David wine and a carton of Lucky Strike unfiltered smokes. No expense is spared to recruit talent to this amazing weather organization.
August Eighteenth: Artic sea ice is at all time low and shrinking. Hurricane Dean is bearing down on Jamaica and largest since 1950. Space shuttle comes down a day early due to the hurricane. Phoenix has a record high of 111 degrees.
August Twentieth: 110 record high in Phoenix.
August Twenty First: 91 degree record high low in Phoenix. Alpine reports a record high low of 67 degrees.
August Twenty Sixth: Mayor of Nogales declares state of emergency as fourteen million gallons of shit and decay could be released into the Santa Cruz River. Heavy damage to a concrete-sewage pipe from caused by flooding; Nationwide emergency in Greece due to fire. Villages refuse to leave their homes and are burned to death. Eight arrested for suspected terrorism (?).
August Twenty Seventh: Rain soaks Wisconsin and evacuations take place; One killed by lightening. Five tornados reported in North Dakota. Record high-low in Page, Arizona 76 degrees.
August Twenty Eighth: Latest date a record of 110 degrees or higher reported in Phoenix. The average number of days with temperatures at 110 degrees or higher for the entire summer is 9.9 days.
August Twenty Ninth: Coolidge power outages from storms affect 2300 people. Eleven power poles down and schools are closed. (Would you rather have a snow day or wet, stinking, humid mud day?) NASA reports more severe storms will occur world wide due to global warming.
August Thirty First: Coolidge without power now for two days and residents are exiting to drown themselves in Roosevelt Lake.
National and local "weathermen" make millions predicting the weather. They may as well sit on a toilet and toss a coin. The fine staff at Blue duck News reports the facts as they have occurred to remind you of the hell you have just lived through. Most of you are not aware of these intense weather facts because you live through one air conditioned cube and travel in another air conditioned sweat box of plastic and glass. But as always Blue duck News is at the cutting edge of technology and weather reporting. For this reason we would like to offer a rare prediction based on years of observation and science; There will be one more intense storm and the Monsoon will gasp a dying breath in the third week of September. You can take that to the bank and flush the "weatherman's" coin down the toilet.
This month's weather song is a sad lament to remind you of the ever changing shadows as the sun retreats south; "Summer's almost Gone" by the Doors.
Thanks for making Blue Duck Weather News what it is(n't).
Editor in Chief; Blue duck.