Blue Duck Weather News - March 2008

Spring is the time for chicks, (I mean chickens) and ducks. Mrs. Blueduck celebrated a birthday and what a fitting month to have a birthday indeed! The lovely Mrs. Blueduck has been waddling around in circles with me for years. Without her tireless patience (with me) this brilliant publication would not be possible. I owe all of my success and (in)sanity to her!

We also have fantastic news for you in this special edition. With the heavy snow pack in the north Lake Powell is expected to raise a whopping fifty feet by June. We will monitor this very closely with our eyes in the sky above the lake.

Not only does Blue Duck Weather News strive to keep you informed, but beginning with this edition, entertained. This fabulous journalistic masterpiece will also bring stories about wild animals and their behaviour. After all weather has a huge impact on animals while animals have no impact on weather. No, we will not be writing about domestic hairball puking, stinking shit on your chair cats or ass dragging runny butt throwing up dogs.

Beginning with this feature we will also report what the average temperature was at the beginning of the month and at the end of the month. With summer approaching you will have no excuse to say one day "When did it get so fucking hot, why the hell do I put up with this every year?" With our brilliant technology and up to the date reporting you will have plenty of advance notice to get ready for your misery. With that said, let's get right to the facts.

The average temperature at the beginning of March on The Land was 62.50 degrees. The average temperature at the end of the month was 64.50 degrees. Don't breath a sigh of relief, the month finished ten degrees below normal. The average temperature at seventy four hundred feet at Talking Trees and Antelope Hill was 29.50 degrees at the beginning of the month. By the end of the month is was 41 degrees.

The average humidity on the Land was 27.20 percent. The average dew point was 23.11 degrees. The average wind speed was 4.43 mph with five wind chill recordings for the month. Please note, March is not the windy month in Arizona, April is with an average wind speed of 7.50 mph.

March at The Land produced no rain and we stand at 1.36 inches for the year.

To see if the Large mud puddles are beginning to rise we took samplings of lake levels in January as compared to March. In January Lake Mead was forty seven percent full as compared to forty eight percent now. Powell actually dropped from forty five to forty four percent (the water better start flowing!.) Roosevelt Lake is at ninety five percent compared to January at sixty two percent. Pleasant is ninety two percent full as opposed to seventy one percent in January.

3-1. Planned Grand Canyon river surge below Lake Powell worries raft guides. Severe sand storms in China force people to be outside with scarves over their faces. ("The best cowboys have Chinese eyes.") Study shows bacteria common in snow found in France, the Yukon and Montana. Wind advisory for Yuma, Cochise and Graham County from eight a.m. to eight p.m. Snow in New England with wind gusts up to 45mph.

3-2. Drought and growth have West looking for new ways to build mammoth dams. Massive flooding in Hamburg, Germany. Red flag warnings for Maricopa, LaPaz and Yuma counties. In NW Pinal County winds gusts up to 45mph.

3-3. Sweden has warmest winter in one hundred years.

3-4. Ten inches of snow in St. Louis. Twister in Bowie, Tx. and two reported in Oaklahoma.

3-5. Man made flood unleashed below Lake Powel. Meant to scour beaches and improve habitat for fish. Forty one thousand cubic feet per second released! Three hundred thousand gallons of water per minute! Third time Canyon has been flooded since 1996. Eleven degree low at the North Rim of the Grand Canyon.

3-6. World's largest telescope in full operation on Mnt. Graham. At a cost of twenty million dollars it is more powerful than the Hubbell telescope. Two headed lizard hatches in North Carolina!

3-7. Feds offer solutions to rescue sea lion decline. Commercial fishing cited as main cause. Land developer sets land aside to protect eagles. Golfer accused of shooting twenty to thirty balls at a hawk, blinding it in one eye. Charges filed for animal cruelty. Snow showers above sixty five hundred feet in Az. Rain and snow in Boston and New York.

3-8. Dam gates prepare to close as Glen Canyon flood ends. A foot of snow in Ohio and Tn. Icy roads in West Virginia. Blizzards in Kentucky. Snow as far south as Alabama. Flood watches in Maine.

3-9. Mountain lion attacks boy near Seven Springs near the Verde River. Uncle shoots lion and boy has minor injuries. Lion tested and had rabies. Severe storms cancel thousands of duck flights in Midwest. Columbus, Ohio receives twenty inches of snow, Pittsburgh eight inches.

3-10. YOU READ IT FIRST HERE MONTHS AGO; National Weather Service announces that the official monsoon season will begin June 15th and end September 30th. Your fine staff will report the official beginning and end the scientific and precise way. We will not be reduced to simple thinking and the cya mentality of the media, and obviously now, the Weather Service. Strong winter storm in Great Britain. 80mph winds close ports along coast. Tornados reported in Texas.

3-11. National Weather Service reports that winter's above average snow and rain not '' a drop in the bucket" to affect the drought. It would take three consecutive years of above averape percipitation to get us out of the drought.

3-12. ''Valley of the Sun" ten degrees above normal.

3-13. Snowbowl to remain open through mid April with a base of eight feet. The Peaks have received nineteen feet of snow this winter season. Dolphins appear to guide stranded whales out to sea in New Zealand. Grand Canyon flood delivered football field size of sediment along beaches, critical to wildlife balance. Wind advisory issued for NE Az. with gusts up to 50mph. Snow advisory in Sierra Nevada.

3-14. Salmon collapse in Calfornia could lead to fishing ban. Scientists are perplexed as to the cause. Wind advisory for entire State of Az. Snow level expected to drop to four thousand feet.

3-16. Whiteout conditions in Flagstaff. Two killed and thirty injured in pileup on I-40. Freeway closed for twenty four hours. I-17 south of Flagstaff may close. Snow advisory until noon tomorrow.

3-17. I-40 reopened. One hundred and forty accidents, fifty injuries and two deaths. Driving too fast for the road conditions was the main cause. Valley temperatures ten degrees below normal and twenty degrees cooler than last week. Tornado causes damage in Atlanta. Broken glass a concern for people returning to work. Work begins to repair flood damage in Sabino Canyon from winter storms. Snow on ground in Kingman and Sedona.

3-18. Heavy flooding from Texas to Ohio. Bald Eagle being reinstated on endangered list per court order. Applies to northern Az. Two killed by flooding in Miss. Tornado warnings in Dallas. Evacuations in Houston with three hour flight delays. Storm converts to snow in New England. 5.5 inches of rain in twenty four hours in Springfield, Oho. Workers removing truckloads of contaminated mud and dismantling dam in Montana. (?)

3-19. Spring begins at 10:49 p.m. in Az. Ten inches of rain in Texas, Arkansas and Oklahoma. National Guard activated for rescues in Missourri. Floods block highways and cause hundreds to flee. WOUNDED DUCK CAPTURED IN LAKE IN TEMPE AND IS REHABILITATING! Tornado in Corpus Christi, Texas. New sea ice builds in Artic. (Happy Birthday to our duckling)

3-20. Skies clearing but waters rising in Midwest. Seventy Missourri counties declared disaster areas. Worst flooding since 1992. Twelve inches of rain in SW Missourri in two days. Florida boater collides with seventy five pound jumping stingray. Dies from massive face and head injuries, not barb. Sri Lanka heavy rains cause seven thousand evacuations. People waiting on rooftops waiting to be rescued. Ducks are doing fine. Thousand acre wildfire near Bisbee started by man pouring gasoline on a pile of dead tree limbs. Thirty seven homes threatened. One hundred and thirty people evacuated. Fire is ten percent contained. Snow cancels hundreds of flights in Chicago. Spring snow in W. Germany reaks havoc. SRP cuts releases into Salt River. Ten degrees above normal in the Valley. Pope proceeding over rain soaked Good Friday in Rome.

3-22. Highway 87 closed due to landslide in both directions twenty miles north of the Saguaro Lake turnoff. Brush fire in El Mirage in south valley. Bisbee fire almost fully contained. Charges being filed against man who started it. Missouri river expected to crest at 44', 24' above flood stage.

2-23. El Mirage fire stubborn; four percent humidity with a dewpoint of zero. Ten degrees above normal. Seventeen deaths from floods in Midwest. Flood warning remains in affect for fourteen states. Valley Park, Missouri hit hardest with two hundred homes flooded in one neighborhood. It is being called a "once in a generation flood''. We have not had a ninety degree day since November 8th, 2007.

3-24. Two hundred acre fire near El Mirage eighty five percent contained. Human caused. Record 96 degrees in Yuma. Highway 87 remains closed as landslide being cleared. This time last year we already had six days of ninety degrees or above. No nineties yet in the Valley.

3-26. Feds consider putting seals in Alaska on endangered list due to receding ice. Earliest date ever for one hundred degrees in the Valley was 1988.

3-27. 87 reopened after a week of cleaning and repairing the highway. Arkansas floods ruin wheat crops. Four tornados in Missouri and Oklahoma.

3-28. Numbers show that the Valley of the Sun has heated 2.5 degrees in five years. Pollution and heat island blames. Javelina expand more into northern part of Az. because of warmer desert climate.

3-29. Northern Rocky Mountain states allow hunting of gray wolf.

3-30. Cheetahs turn on trainer in Florida. Forty puncture wounds. 55mph winds in Payson, 38mph winds in Phx. Tornados from Dallas to ST. Louis.

3-31. Two campers in SE Az. attacked by rabid bobcat. Forecasters expect eight Atlantic hurricanes in upcoming season. Oregon researchers continue to investigate declining bee populations.

Well, there you have it my fine and faithful reading audience. We sincerely hope the inclusion of wildlife stories have added to your reading pleasure. As always your fine staff at Blue Duck Weather News are committed to you!

There are two quotes from the Mighty Broaduck this month. We don't know what he is sucking from the hollow reed in the lake. As long as he swims peacefully in circles the shotgun will remain hidden and out of view. "Whoever said money can't buy happiness never flew first class." Yea, he flies first class alright with his head in the clouds. The other quote will touch your hearts down to your webbed feet. "Follow your heart no matter how distorted others may think you are. If you hold true to your beliefs then happiness will always come from within." Sucking a reed my ass, he's smoking them.

The song of the month is inspired by the releases into the mighty Grand Canyon; "Singin' Call" by Stephen Stills.

Never forget, Pioneers took bullets, Settlers took land.

Your faithful Editor in Chief,

MR Blueduck

Please email ms duck with shirt sizes!