April 2009 Weather News!


The remarkable genius of these ongoing weather reports never ceases to amaze my readers, but mostly myself. In this exciting edition of BlueDuck Weather you will see that the swollen Red River and then the menacing Sheyenne River threatened North Dakota and points farther north. The threat finally diminished on April 22nd.

Also in this fantastic weather journal you will read about the only animals proven to dance to music, a dog blown a mile in fierce winds only to be discovered by a pet “psychic”, continued rabid attacks on people in Arizona, a pissed off bull that tears up a grocery store, bee attacks in Arizona, and a pregnant woman who was chased by a bear, hit by a car as the result of the chase, and decides to name her unborn infant “Bear.” Now, isn’t that sweet, if not sickening? Who, for the love of Ducks, would name her child after the beast that practically got her killed? She must belong to PETA.

April was an exceptionally mild month for the Land and the southwest desert of Arizona, except for the wind. There were no major fires that flamed up and scorched our asses, but there were many red flag warnings. (I am afraid to say high winds mean drying grass and timber and I suspect the stage is set for another bad fire season.)

In fact, the temperatures were so mild that The Land saw an average temperature increase of ten degrees from the beginning of April to the end, while the high country of New Mexico, affectionately reported as Talking Trees and Antelope Hill, saw a twenty degree average temperature increase from the beginning of the month to the end of the month.

There was only one day in April that the temperature hit one hundred degrees. It was officially 102 degrees in Phoenix on April 22nd. From May until October, or when hell freezes over, your fine staff at BlueDuck Weather will torture you with the number of one hundreds, one hundred and tens, and beyond. You will wonder why, and wail in misery why you ever moved to this hell hole. Just ask Mrs. BlueDuck; she hates me from June until November and curses the day she met me and let me drag her into the depths of hell!

To add to the mild conditions of April there was even rain in the deserts and The Land. Only .06 inches fell at the Land, not enough to wash away the mud and shit from a filthy pig, but cherished none the less. The Land has received only .67 inches of rain for the year and it shows with the lack of perennial grasses.

The quail broods I have seen have one or two chicks as opposed to the twelve and thirteen I witnessed last year. Phoenix rainfall for the year stands at a more impressive 1.66 inches.

The average temperature at the Land for the month of April was 70.95 degrees. The average temperature for Talking Trees and Antelope Hill was 45.25 degrees.

The average humidity at the Land was 23.68% and the average dew point was 25.73%. When they are that close and that low it means dry conditions. The cold fronts the state had this month meant primarily wind.

The average wind speed for the month was 8mph. Remember, April is the windy month in Arizona and the average wind speed is 7.5mph. There were wind chills, although mild and probably not worth reporting, but for the sake of campers, flying ducks, and empty beer cans here they are; 73 degrees plus a 19mph wind equals 70 degrees. 68 degrees with a 9mph wind equals 66 degrees. 61 degrees plus 18mph winds equal 56 degrees.

The current lake levels are as follows; Lake Mead is 43% full. Powell is at 52%. Pleasant is at 91% and good old Roosevelt stands at 99%.

Now, let’s get to the day by day local, national, world weather and the fascinating animal stories for the month of April; guaranteed to have you snoring within minutes!

4-1-09. Wind gusts in Safford, Az. up to sixty mph. Red Flag warnings posted.

Fargo, North Dakota resisted FEMA recommendations to evacuate. (Editor’s note; why does FEMA seem like a dirty word these days? Could it be the lingering nightmare of the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina? The Heroes of Fargo were all the volunteers who stacked millions of sandbags, saving their town.)

Flooding in Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia and Florida. Some areas may get a foot of rain by the end of the week.

Hundreds feared dead in stormy seas off the coast of Libya as migrant boat sinks.

4-2-09. Wind advisories posted for all of Arizona. Red Flag Warning posted for southeast Arizona.

Latest rabid animal attacks are by a fox and skunk in Coconino County.

Storms in Jackson, Mississippi cause a passenger train to collide with a fallen tree.
Arctic sea ice could be almost gone in thirty years new study reports.

4-3-09. Wind gusts of 30 mph at the Land. I-40 east of Flagstaff closed due to high winds and low visibility. Hurricane force winds with 91mph at Meteor Crater and blowing snow in Flagstaff.

High pollution advisory in Phoenix due to particulates.

Despite recent rains parts of the South are still in a drought.
Water wars leave northern Colorado farmers dry.
Winds fuel fires in Palm Springs, Ca.

Flagstaff officials urge pet owners to keep dogs and cats in doors, fenced or leashed for the next ninety days due to rabies.

4-4-09. Peak wind gusts of 26mph in Phoenix with 70mph winds in Safford.
70 mph winds in southern California. Power out for 2300 homes in Palm Springs.

Fargo warned about second river crest with a 75% chanced the Red River will reach or top earlier flood stage by late April. Snow melt and likely spring rains will be the cause. Twelve hundred National Guard troops still in the city patrolling streets and dikes.

A rare albino dolphin sighted along the Louisiana coast. Since 1962 only fourteen sightings anywhere in the world.

4-5-09. Strong winds hamper crews battling Texas fires with eight homes destroyed near Wheeler. The largest fire is at eleven thousand acres and only 25% contained.

Blooming of thousands of cherry trees in Washington, D. C. is a big tourist attraction. The cherry trees are not indigenous to the area and are the offspring of trees donated by Japan a century ago.

Six to eight inches of snow in central Iowa.

Tornado watches from Ohio to Tennessee.

4-6-09. Michigan snow storm blamed for four deaths and one hundred and twenty three thousand without power with accumulations of eight inches or more.

Opossum “arrested” after hanging around Capitol Hill in a tree. The creature was not dangerous, just looking for a “bailout.” (This is not my ridiculous pun but exactly as it was reported.)

4-7-09. Wind advisories for most of Arizona posted for tomorrow. Health watch in effect due to particulates.

Experts lower 2009 hurricane forecast to six between June and November.

A weak El Nino event may form in that period, and with warming waters in the Pacific this tends to diminish hurricane activity.

4-8-09. 58 mph winds in Winslow and 65 mph winds in Show Low closes I-40 east of Flagstaff.
Dust storm in California closes I-5.

4-9-09. In Midwest City, Oklahoma wildfire rages through entire neighborhood. (Caused by dumb ass kids playing with matches)

Coupled with wind gusts up to 50 mph I-35 is closed and 750 acres are consumed. Dry lightning may have been the cause.

4-10-09. Winter Weather Advisory posted for northern Arizona above six thousand feet; three to six inches of snow expected.

Three tornados hit Arkansas leaving apple size hail and damage to six counties.

Tornado kills two and injures forty southeast of Nashville.

At least one fire raging over Oklahoma and Texas was arson.

4-11-09. Hail in north Phoenix with three quarters of an inch of rain in Cave Creek.

Six inches of snow in Flagstaff.

There is a Winter Weather Advisory posted four southeast Arizona with three inches of snow above eight thousand feet.

Boy Scout had to be rescued near Canyon Lake and flown out by helicopter. Scout leader was worried about hypothermia after a tent leaked and the boy got wet. The scouts weren’t dressed for the “cold.” (Editor’s note; what a bunch of candy asses!) (They could all learn from Sir Duck , Paul, and Ryan.)

According to Tennessee governor tornado damage “intense.”
Investigators blame arson for one of the fires in the Midwest City fire in Oklahoma. One hundred and sixty homes burned and sixty two people injured.

Winnipeg, Manitoba sees increased threat of flooding due to ice jams, ice cover and high flows of the Red River.

Many ducks and geese given for Easter are abandoned. (Editor’s note: this is a fucking outrage and calls for a revolt or at least a bailout!)

4-12-09. The Sheyenne River is feeding the Red River with spring runoff and may crest again to 40’ in the next seven days.

4-13-09. March brings a record number of abused and abandoned animal calls in Maricopa County. Home foreclosures and people leaving without pets to blame.

Rain brings wildfire relief to north Texas and Oklahoma. Nearly two hundred thousand acres have burned in Texas alone with a hundred homes destroyed. One hundred and seventy homes destroyed in Oklahoma.

4-14-09. Fire Watch Advisory for Phoenix posted due to high winds. Snow levels drop to seven thousand feet.

Bobcat attacks thirteen year old girl and her mother in Prescott Valley. When authorities approached the animal it charged and was shot.

Two killed as severe storms hit the South. Two hundred and fifty thousand without power in Georgia, one hundred and seventy five thousand without power in Alabama.

Man who bought vehicle at a car lot in Orlando, Florida discovered a seven foot six inch alligator under it.

4-15-09. I-40 closed all day due to wind and snow with 63 mph winds in Winslow. The temperatures around the state twenty four degrees cooler than yesterday.

Bobcat that attacked girl and mother in Prescott Valley tests positive for rabies.

High winds in South East causes power loss to fifteen thousand people and an eighteen wheeler is blown over.

Flood Warning across much of North Dakota.

Valley City mayor urges residents to evacuate.

The Sheyenne River crested above the twenty foot record set one hundred and twenty seven years ago.
Red River flooding in Canada damages two hundred homes.

4-16-09. Heavy spring snow in the mountains of Colorado and Utah.
Sandbags placed at flood weakened dam in Kathryn, North Dakota. The tiny town will flood if dam fails.

Rain causes deadly Peruvian mudslide with thirty missing or dead.
Worse droughts predicted for West Africa.

Drought dries up Iraq’s “Garden of Eden” Southern marshes drying up just as region was recovering from Saddam Hussein’s draining of lakes and swamps to punish a political rebellion.

4-17-09. First average day for one hundred degrees in Phoenix is May 13th. It may hit next week.

Up to a foot of snow in the mountains of Colorado and Wyoming.

West Texas battered by strong storms. Snow plows were used to clear hail in I-27.

4-18-09. Eighty acres burned by wildfire south of Buckeye, Az.

Three feet of Colorado spring snow strands hundreds of motorists and an eighty mile stretch of I-70 west of Denver closed.

Sewer collapses in Valley City, North Dakota by the flooding Sheyenne River. “Shit is everywhere” according to one reporter who was later fired for using obscenities during the evening news.

A dog was swept off of a boat during stormy seas along the Great Barrier Reef. She swam more than five miles to a deserted beach and lived for four months before being discovered by rangers and returned to her home.

4-19-09. Buckeye fire up to two hundred and fifty acres; full containment expected today.

In Houston a man lost control of his car and plunged into a rain swollen river. The car was swept one hundred feet from where it left the road and five children killed in the accident. Driver was on the cell phone, intoxicated and charged with manslaughter.

In LaMoure, North Dakota crews worked to reinforce dam spillway being eroded by floodwaters. A Black Hawk helicopter dropped eighty one ton sandbags and bull dozers pushed rock onto the spillway. Nearby farms evacuated.

Tornados in Alabama.
Twenty eight percent of sea fish stock depleted due to over fishing reports the U.N. Red snapper population almost gone.

4-20-09. High pollution advisory issued for Phoenix.

First law suit of its kind filed as class action against Federal Government for failures of levees during hurricane Katrina.

4-21-09. First temperature of a hundred degrees or more for the season in Phoenix; a high of 102 degrees missed the record by one degree.

Cochise County sheriff says border crossings are damaging the environment with trash. Waterways in the east and west portions of the county are being polluted with human waste. Popular bird sanctuaries are being devastated.

Two killed in 70 mph winds during storms in north Alabama. Severe storms also struck six counties in the Tennessee Valley.

For the first time a government spy plane is being used for flood fighting. The unmanned, remote controlled plane is being used above the Red River. It is especially effective at night with infrared cameras. Data received is recorded at real time as it occurs.

4-22-09. EARTH DAY! and a high ozone health watch is posted for Phoenix.

HAYDUKE LIVES!

Much of California unseasonable hot with triple digits in L.A. and the Bay area topping ninety degrees. Temperatures in Los Angeles twenty one degrees above normal.

Valley State University in North Dakota has turned into a ghost town due to flooding. All remaining classes for the semester will be conducted on line.

4-23-09. Red Flag Warning posted for Kingman, Az.

Fire near north Myrtle Beach in South Carolina largest in thirty years. A blaze four miles wide has destroyed or damaged seventy homes and threatens a world famous golf course. No cause of the fire determined but it is fueled by high winds.

Twenty one polo horses die after wrong ingredient put in supplement by Pharmacy.

4-24-09. High wind advisory for northern Arizona and a Red Flag Warning posted for most of the state.

Fire in South Carolina has consumed thirty one square miles and damaged or destroyed one hundred and seventy homes. Fire traced to man burning garbage in his yard. (remember this blue duck)

California water chief says get used to curbing water use. Drought will be a way of life, now and in the future.

Swine flu may be next pandemic and the White House advised. It is passed initially from live pigs to humans. This began in Mexico; one thousand cases reported and sixty eight dead.

4-25-09. I-40 closed east and west of Holbrook, Az. due to high winds. Wind gusts of 63 mph reported in Show Low.

According to independent research post Katrina levees not strong enough. They should be strengthened, elevate more houses and abandon neighborhoods that were built below sea level.

4-26-09. Eastern half of United States in a record heat wave; low nineties in New York and twenty five degrees above normal.

Bull tears up grocery store in Ireland after escaping from a cattle market. The fucker chased people and knocked down shelves.

4-27-09. Wildfire near Pine, Arizona with thirty acres burned. Wind advisories posted for northern Az.

Doctor in Prescott, Az. is taking all kinds of homeless animals due to economy. She has a ranch to serve as a sanctuary. Her first love are horses but houses DUCKS, dogs, etc. ( Good God, I see our donation dollars headed this way quickly)

4-28-09. A man from New River, Az. is stung six hundred times by bees and survives. He was at a family bbq and said bees were in his ears and nose.

Heavy rains flood parts of Houston, Texas.
New York City sized ice shelf collapses in Antarctica. Global warming is blamed for the cause.

A six pound Chihuahua blown a mile away form home in Michigan with 70 mph winds. A “pet psychic” guided owners to a wooded area where pet was found alive.

LISA>>>TIE DOWN YOUR DOGGIES!!!!!!!!!

4-29-09. Child recovering from bee attack in Queen Creek, Az. He was stung twenty times on the way home from school.

4-30-09. Havasupai village at the bottom of the Grand Canyon has been closed since last August due to flooding. They are ready to re-open but have postponed due to fear of swine flu contamination.

According to the World Health Organization swine flu will be changed as not to send the wrong message to swine growers (and to the human pigs that eat swine). The new name will be the N-1 H-1 virus.

Four feet of snow in north west Montana with twelve foot snow drifts.

Pregnant mother in Colorado Springs runs from a bear chasing her, is struck by a car, survives and plans to name baby Bear. (?)
“Experts”, and I use that term loosely, report that the only animals that dance to the beat of music are parrots and elephants. (They have got it all wrong. They have never seen this duck shake it up!)

Washington approves legislation that would bar federal officials from slaughtering healthy wild animals and burros. BLM officials have raised the possibility of killing as many as thirty thousand wild mustangs. They can no longer afford the facilities to house the animals after removing them from land that cannot sustain the populations. (Editor’s note; don’t capture them and let nature take her course naturally. Re-introduce the grizzly, the jaguar and the wolf back into their habitat. If that is not feasible kill them and give the meat to the growing number of homeless and hungry.)

I was exceptionally fond of the quote given from the Mighty Broaduck for this month and a tribute to EARTH DAY!

“Technology evolves everyday making our lives easier as our mother lies dying at our feet.”

Jim Morrison could not have said it better so I shall make this month’s song, partially a tribute to our tired old Mother Earth, “When The Music’s Over” by the Doors.

The truly in-tune to nature weather observation from Ryduck this month is;

“Check the air bubbles in your coffee cup in camp. They will ring the edges of your cup when a low pressure system is coming, indicating rain.

There is also another way to do it. When you have had too much “red eye” in camp the night before, using the silly excuse it kept you warm, you can puke after you have your first cup of morning coffee and look at the amount of air bubbles in the snot running down your nose.

And there you have it my faithful and tireless readers. Until next month, remember, Pioneers took bullets and Settlers took land.

Professor MR Blueduck