February 2009 Weather News!


Yes, I know this month’s exciting edition is late. Cards, letters and emails have been pouring in by the thousands expressing grief and anxiety for the missing in action weather report. But have no fear my faithful readers. Your fine Editor in Chief and his lovely Mrs. BlueDuck enjoyed a relaxing respite from the hectic day to day living and pecking of ducks. I chased wild pigs while Mrs. Blueduck fed apples to a curious raccoon and thousands of peanuts to bluebirds and squirrels. Mrs. Blueduck has a curious bond with nature while all of nature runs terrified from yours truly. I can’t imagine why given my close “connection” to weather and all it has to offer. After all weather is nature.

In this exciting edition of Blueduck Weather News you will learn that while much of the nation is blanketed by heavy snow and severe cold, states such as California, Nevada and Texas are shriveling from severe drought. And good news abounds as you will read that Roosevelt Lake in good old Arizona is at one hundred percent capacity. Water is being released to keep the fucking dam from bursting at the seams. And as always there will be unusual animal reports such as the man busted for smuggling pidgeons in his pants.

The warm up is on the way as temperatures at The Land were seven degrees warmer at the end of the month than the beginning of the month. Talking Trees and Antelope Hill temperatures were 7.5 degrees warmer.

The average temperature at The Land for February was 53.84 degrees. The average for Talking Trees and Antelope Hill in New Mexico was 35.10 degrees.

The average humidity at The Land was 46.10 %. The average dew point was 30.69 degrees.

The average wind speed for the month was 4.43mph. The wind chills shown by the math that would stagger Einstein are as follows; 59+8= 58 degrees, 41+8= 35 degrees, 54+6=50 degrees, 60+10=56 degrees and 34+2= 32.50 degrees.

The total rainfall for the year at The Land is .61” with a half inch happening in February.

Lake Mead is 46% full, Powell is at 53%, Roosevelt is at a record 100% (since the dam was increased in height) and Lake Pleasant is at 85%.

As you have been longing for here is the day by day weather statistics for the month of February;
2-1-09. Most of Arkansas and Kentucky still without power from recent storms; Red Cross sets up shelters.
Geologists are monitoring Mount Redoubt in Alaska for signs of possible eruption of a volcano. A hole was noticed in a glacier on the north side of the volcano. Underground warming has caused the melting ice to double overnight into the size of two football fields.

Vultures have dropped off previous populations by ninety nine percent. Ingesting drugs used for dairy livestock to blame.

2-2-09. Seven degrees warmer than normal in Phoenix.
Power in portions of Kentucky may not be restored for another week due to ice.
Rare four inches of snow in London. Parks closed because of slippery sidewalks when all the locals want to do is play.

2-3-09. Twelve degrees above normal in Phoenix.
National Guard finds ninety two year old woman surviving ice storm in Arkansas. She was sitting in a shack by herself miles away from any road warming herself by a wood burning stove. The old lady broke out in tears and smiles when food and water was delivered. (Editor’s note; this is the grit true country people are made of.)

Fifty years ago today Buddy Holly, Richie Valens and the Big Bopper were killed in a snow related helicopter accident. Waylon Jennings declined to be on the flight and decided to drive.

Australian man arrested for smuggling live pigeons in his pants and violating “wildlife transport” laws.

(The duck is obsessed with carrying pigeons this way)

Elephants throw buckets of beans at handlers in Tokyo.

2-4-09. A twenty three foot, one hundred and thirty pound “domestic” python captured after escaping owner’s home in San Luis Obispo, California. Authorities say there are no leash laws for snakes. (Are you kidding me?)

Population of snakes in Florida Keys. Thousands of Burmese Pythons are present after a few were let go by owners ten years ago. Mail carriers on the look out for these huge snakes, (I would rather deal with a fucking dog!)

Man who sprayed fox urine on kids now charged with a felony for wearing military night vision goggles when he did it. (Editor’s note; you read it here first when first reported. We just didn’t know how sick the dude is.)

2-5-09. Twelve degrees above normal in Phoenix. Officials urging rabies shots for pets in Flagstaff, Az.

Freeze warnings concern tomato growers in Orlando, Florida.

Antarctic meltdown would flood Washington, D.C.

Moose on the loose in Utah suburb; 850 lb. animal tranquilized and moved back to forest.

2-6-09. Winter storm warning in Mohave County, Arizona.
Record high of seventy one degrees in North Platte, Nebraska.
Flooding in Los Angeles, California.

2-7-09. Winter weather advisory for elevations above 6000’ in Arizona. Winter storm warning for Mohave County. Rain falling at one inch per hour in Yuma. Water will be released from Roosevelt Lake as early as this weekend to make room for runoff from a series of storms in Arizona high country.

A mile wide ice flow breaks away from Lake Erie’s shoreline in Ohio. One hundred and thirty fishermen trapped for as long as four hours. One man fell into water and drowned. Ice was two feet thick but rising temperatures and winds up to 35mph pushed the ice.

Southeast Australia burning with wildfires as temperatures reach one hundred and seventeen degrees and high winds. This is the worst fire season since 1984 and twenty five people have died. Seven hundred homes have burned and the cause of the fire may be arson.

2-8-09. 1.38 inches of rain in Scottsdale and east central Phoenix. Winter storm warning for the Rim country, eight inches of new snow in Flagstaff.
Entire towns have been engulfed by flames in Australia. One hundred and eight people dead, some burned in their homes and cars during the deadliest blaze in Australian history.

Siberian husky thief steals rawhide bone in Utah grocery store.

2-9-09. Interstate 40 closed between Flagstaff and Kingman due to heavy snow. Highway 87 closed between Payson and Strawberry due to snow and low visibility. Blizzard conditions in Flagstaff with sixteen to eighteen inches of snow on top of a foot already accumulated by last storm.

Snow in Saint George, Utah at an elevation of 2500’.
Australian wildfires claim one hundred and sixty six lives; some found burned to death in their cars as they tried to flee wind driven fires.

2-10-09. 2.64 inches of rain in Rio Verde, Arizona. 14.1 inches of snow in Flagstaff, a new record for one day.
Two confirmed tornados near Oklahoma City.

Strong winds knock out power for half of a million people in France.

2-11-09. Southern Oklahoma tornado yesterday kills eight people.

Koala bear rescued in Australian wildfires. Historic video shows firefighter giving it a drink from a water bottle. The bear’s feet were badly burned but the bear is expected to survive.

2-12-09. Strong winds topping 60 mph blew from the Great Lakes to the East Coast knocking out power to hundreds of thousands and kill five people with wind blown debris.

2-13-09. February tornados are rare in Oklahoma.
New record in Augusta, Maine with a temperature of fifty below zero.
Plane crash that killed fifty people in upstate New York may have been caused by ice on wings.

Australian man charged with setting one of the fires that killed more than one hundred and eighty people and destroyed eighteen hundred homes.

2-14-09. Snow levels drop to 3500’ in Arizona. Winter storm advisory for Flagstaff and the White Mountains and winter storm advisory for Mohave County. 185” of snow for this season in Flagstaff. The average for Flagstaff for entire season is 200”.

2-15-09. Winter storm watch for Mohave County, Az.

2-16-09. “Biggest storm” of season in California. Portions of Interstate 5 closed. Santa Barbara prepares for evacuations due to mud slides.

2-17-09. Yesterday’s storm in the West extended from Mexico to Washington State. Six inches of snow in Sierra Madre, California and flood rescues in San Diego.

Connecticut woman in critical condition as friend’s two hundred pound “pet’’ Chimpanzee attacks her.

2-18-09. Two campers found dead in Forest Lakes, Arizona. They were using a charcoal barbeque in the closed cab of a truck to stay warm.

Los Angeles begins water rationing in May.

Australian authorities place helicopters on standby to evacuate resident north of Sydney from floodwaters. Meanwhile fires continue to burn in the south with two hundred confirmed dead.

Chinese government takes credit for first snow fall of the winter in Beijing. They fired sticks of chemicals into the sky to “seed” clouds. Four hundred and twenty six cigarette size sticks of silver ioxide were fired from twenty eight “weather” rocket launch sites. This year is China’s longest drought in thirty eight years.

2-19-09. One dead and sixteen hurt as tornados hit Georgia and Alabama.
Landslides follow heavy rain in Bolivia.

2-20-09. The record high on this date in Phoenix was 87 degrees in ninety seventy seven. The record low was twenty seven degrees in 1955.

2-21-09. U.S. Bureau of Reclamation officials to stop surface water delivery to farmers in Sacramento, California for two weeks beginning March 1st due to the drought.

2-24-09. Melting snow near Sedona at Beaver Creek causes ATV riders to be rescued after they tried to cross. Couple held onto tree for two hours before being rescued.

(thanks twink duck)

Fifty car pileup near Jackson, Michigan due to snow and whiteouts. Snow all the way down to central Tennessee and seven inches of snow in Wisconsin.

2-26-09. Ten inches of snow in Seattle, Washington. Northern Plains experiencing bitter cold with wind chills dropping temperatures to twenty below zero. Four inches of snow in Chicago per hour.
Polar experts issue melting ice warnings and faster melts than predicted at the Arctic and Antarctica.
Drought worsens in northwest China.

2-27-09. Combined lake levels in Arizona average ninety seven percent full.

California declares drought emergency. Urban water use needs cut by twenty percent. Reservoirs are at lowest levels since 1992.

The National Guard is pulling out of New Orleans for the first time since Hurricane Katrina hit in 2005.

2-28-09. Record snowmelt raises Roosevelt Lake to one hundred percent capacity.

Three tornados in Arkansas and West Virginia.

A new feature has been added to this month’s exciting Blueduck Weather. The Honorary Ryduck is the contributing reporter for weather signs as predicted by Mother Nature herself.

“You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows”

will be demonstrated in this issue and future issues of this staggering weather report. So to my fine readers worldwide, here is the first installment.

“Check the grass, tent, or canoe bottom for dew in late evening or early morning. A heavy dew at either time indicates eight to twelve hours of good weather.”

The quote of the month from the Mighty Broaduck is

“Kids, they amaze you one minute with how they learn and then stupefy you the next by eating sand. Our children are our future; we’re screwed.”

The song of the month is “Fire and Rain” by James Taylor.

We hope you have enjoyed the latest edition of Blueduck Weather News. Remember Pioneers took bullets, Settlers took land.

Professor MR Blueduck.

Blue Duck Weather, January 2009

January 2009 Weather News!

Welcome to a new year of exciting, heart stopping weather statistics and related news. Your fine staff at Blueduck Weather is committed, as always, to bring you up to date and unbiased weather reporting that affects the state, the nation, the world, animals and people. Hope and change or on the way; hope that I am not prevented from coming home on a hunt by a flashflood and change, that if I do, I will have plenty of food, beer and whiskey to survive the “ordeal.”

As the final rain statistics for 2008 were released earlier this month Arizona had the wettest year since 1998 and the wettest Monsoon since 1984.

January was bitter cold for most of the nation with ice storms and snow. Poor old California and Nevada though are shriveling up like prunes with the ongoing drought.

You will read fascinating facts in this monthly installment of BlueDuck Weather; an ATV rider missing near Payson on January 5th as yet to be discovered (or not announced to the news media as of this writing.)

PETA wants to rename fish to “sea kittens” to protect the poor things from the cruel pastime of fishing. A more compassionate name may remind otherwise “compassionate” people that fishing is cruel. (They should see TwinkyDuck whack an Alaska salmon in the head with a moose femur to finish it off. PETA would shit their collective pants.)

So much more is in store as you read through the days of this fascinating weather journal. Just keep in mind as we always report on the past our weather forecasting is perfect! Without further delay allow us to present to you a new year of weather reporting coupled with hope and change!

The average temperature on The Land was 5.50 degrees warmer at the end of the month than the beginning. Talking Tees and Antelope Hill was one degree cooler. The average temperature for the month at The Land was 54.26 degrees. 31.05 degrees was the average temperature for Talking Trees and Antelope Hill. The Land experienced two mornings of freezing temperatures. The lowest temperature recorded at Talking Trees and Antelope Hill was nine degrees on January 29th.

The average humidity on The Land was 46.46%. The average dewpond for the month was 30.96 degrees. The average dew point was 30.96 degrees.

The average wind speed was 2.85 mph. There were several wind chill recordings. For ease (and laziness) of reporting the wind chills will be given as follows; 39 +3= 38. 33+2=32. 64+6=63. 36+2=35. 57+11=53. For you dumbshits out there the first number is the temperature, the second the wind speed and the third the chill. Don’t you just love the math? It would drive any elementary school teacher to suicide and a child to complete hysterics.

The first and only rain of the year was recorded on The Land on January 4th. The rain total for this month and the year is .14 inches.

The lake levels that affect this state and the states around us are as follows; Mead is at 46% full, Powell at 54%, Roosevelt at an impressive 99% and Pleasant is climbing as reports show 73% capacity.

1-2-09. Eight inches of snow in Arizona above six thousand feet. Prescott water being treated for arsenic.

Aggressive porcupines chomping on trees, shoes and tools in Colorado.

1-3-09. Winter storm watch for south east Az. Snow in Flagstaff. A daily record of 6.2” of snow fell in Great Falls, Montana. Coupled with the snow was a forty nine degree drop in temperatures. The high yesterday was 34 degrees at two a.m. The low was 15 below zero at eight p.m. Winter storm warning in New Mexico until eleven p.m.

1-4-09. Four inches of snow in Flagstaff. Ten inches of snow expected in south east Az. and eight to ten inches of snow at Sunrise.

New Jersey woman falls through ice and drowns trying to rescue dog.

1-5-09. Fog advisory for Phoenix from five a.m. to nine a.m. ATV rider missing since last Friday in snowy mountains near Payson; “wasn’t dressed for cold weather.” (?) Deadly avalanche season in U.S. Nineteen deaths reported in last two weeks, twenty eight close calls in Colorado alone. One slide that killed two in Ogden, Utah was two thousand feet wide.

Europe snow storm closes the Eiffel Tower in Paris.

1-6-09. West Coast mystery as hundreds of endangered brown pelicans found dead from Washington to Baja.

Tennessee sanctuary is home for “retired” elephants and orphan dogs. Two have become great friends and dog allows elephant to pet it with massive foot. (Why don’t you just step on the little bastard and be done with it?)

Lou the mule credited with saving woman from Tennessee house fire with loud braying.

1-7-09. Three snow rescues in Yavapai County in past week. ATV rider missing near Payson still not found. More ice storms and downed power lines in the North East; heaviest rain in thirty years mixed with melting snow threatens severe flooding.

Residents of Boulder, Colorado told to evacuate with three wildfires burning.

1-8-09. High pollution advisory for Maricopa County. One week and missing Payson man still not found.

Flooding and thirty thousand evacuations in western Washington. Ten inches of snow melted in twelve hours with warmer rain. Sixty highways closed and Amtrak rail service suspended out of Seattle due to mud slides.

Twelve deaths blamed on cold across Europe, ten people froze to death in Poland with temperatures at minus thirteen degrees and Germany minus eighteen degrees.

1-9-09. Flooding in Alabama swept mother and infant son in vehicle away.

Nearly two weeks of sixty below zero in Stevens Village, Alaska.

Madrid, Spain experiencing heaviest snow in years.

1-10-09. Midwest and Northeast under snow- One foot in Chicago, six inches in New York and Boston. Some areas receiving two inches per hour.

1-11-09. Blizzard warning for the Dakotas. Sixty car pile up on snowy road in New Hampshire.

Senate advances bill to set aside two million acres as wilderness.

1-12-09. The record high in Phoenix was eighty degrees in 1986. The record low was twenty two degrees in 1962.

1-13-09. Eighty six degrees in Los Angeles. Forty five below zero in Hibbing, Minnesota, shattering old record set in 1979.

Idaho father charged in making children walk home in bone chilling cold; one daughter dies.

Some towns in Fiji under ten feet of water after two unprecedented tropical storms in one week.

Sixty baby sea turtles end up under the tables of a beachside restaurant instead of instinctively heading toward the ocean; they were lured by the bright lights of the restaurant thinking they were the sun. (Fucking sad.)

1-14-09. Wind chills in Minneapolis minus fifty eight degrees. Twenty five below zero in northern New York. Too cold to ski as deep freeze spreads through Northeast.
PETA wants to rename fish to “sea kittens.” “Compassionate people would never hook a kitten with a hook in the jaw and kill it. So why fish?” (Good God, save a kitten and pet a fish.)

Blue Duck wants to keep this in twice, he likes the sea kittens.

Monkey known for throwing shit is on the loose in Tampa Bay, Florida.

Firefighters believe goats may have started a fire that burned down a home in Iowa. (?)

Feds remove wolf from endangered species list in two Rocky Mountain States.

1-16-09. So cold in north east Ohio Northern Lights, usually only seen Arctic areas, visible. Freezing temperatures have dropped to the Deep South.

Some places in Alabama colder than Alaska.

Atlanta, Georgia in the teens.

One man in North East found dead in wheelchair with a snow shovel in his hands.

As Haiti floods recede world wide aid is needed for starving people and immense crisis.

1-17-09. Ten degrees above normal in Phoenix.

Minneapolis has four consecutive days below zero. Twenty nine below zero all time record in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

1-18-09. A tourist attacked by a javelina at the Arizona Sonora Desert Museum is suing the facility and Pima County for four hundred thousand dollars.

In Indonesia Orangutans on the verge of extinction due to clear cutting for cane oil plantations.

1-19-09. Wind chill of ten below predicted for Inauguration tomorrow. Drivers in Michigan rescue frozen fowl from the Hudson River. (Heroes!) Pile up in snowy Maryland kills two.

1-20-09. Los Angeles already sets January record for heat; nine straight days of temperatures over eighty degrees.
Three die in Montana avalanches.
Heavy rains in normally dry Lima, Peru.

1-21-09. Eighty degrees record high in Phoenix today.
Michigan man searches for dog on frozen river and thawing ice swallows his car.

1-22-09. Cyclone Fanele hits the African island of Madagascar; thirty thousand without water or electricity.

NASA researchers report that overall Antarctic has become warmer than the 1950’s. Ten ice sheets have receded or collapsed since the 90’s. The Wilkins Sheet is fifteen hundred feet wide compared to seventy miles wide in the 50’s.

A contractor clearing debris from Hurricane Ike found ammunition box containing 1863 Confederate bills, war medals and diamond earrings.
Western forests dying at increasing rate.

1-26-09. White out conditions in Flagstaff with four to eight inches of new snow.
Ice warnings for Oklahoma and north Texas.

Ninety three year old man found frozen to death in home after electric company cuts power.

Mrs. Blue duck thinks the power company should be sued.

“New” government research shows if carbon dioxide emissions are not controlled global warming will be irreversible and affect the planet for the next thousand years.

1-27-09. Seven die as winter storm stretches from the Southern Plains to the mid Atlantic states. Warnings posted from Texas to Maine.
California drought may raise vegetable prices.
Ten killed by Turkish avalanche.

Blowfish testicles prepared by chef sends seven Japanese to hospital. (I swear, we do not make this shit up.)

1-28-09. Winter snow and sleet have over one million without power in Arkansas, Kentucky and Oklahoma. Frozen trees and power lines snapping; may be a week before power is restored. One foot of snow in Indianapolis, a new record.

1-29-09. Prolonged drought means water cuts for California and Nevada farmers. Snowpack water content is again averaging below normal in both states.

Frozen body discovered in Detroit warehouse.

Ninety three year old man found frozen to death in home two weeks ago sparks outrage among the community. Utility company had restricted his power use due to more than one thousand dollars of unpaid utility bills. When he was discovered the outside temperatures ranged from twelve degree high to nine degree below zero.

Mrs. Blue duck still thinks the power company sucks.

South Florida beach closed as one thousand sharks gather as part of annual migration.

1-30-09. Sixty seven year old man found frozen in his truck near Detroit.
Woman freezes to death in remote cabin in Montana. Husband, suffering from hypothermia and starving found propped up against her body.

Cody, Wyoming man busted for public intoxication while riding a white horse in a snowstorm on busy street.

Al Gore and others urging President Obama to act on global warming, fearing the economy crisis will weaken the will of the Nation to act.
Record heat wave causes fires and heat related stress in southern Australia.

1-31-09. Kentucky governor calls up entire National Guard with state devastated by ice storm. More than a half million without power from the Ozarks through Appalachia.

Well, my faithful readers, there you have it. Pretty damned nipply across much of the United States.

The quote of the month by the Mighty Broadduck is this; “Life is a journey full of different paths to choose. When you feel like you have reached the end of the road turn to the left and blaze a new path to the unknown.”

The song of the month is “Cloudy Days” by Waylon Jennings.

Until next month remember Pioneers took bullets, Settlers took Land.

Professor MRBlueduck

December Blue Duck Weather

December Weather News 2008!

Old Man Winter did not wait until December 21st to arrive to many parts of the world. He came through the door with no apologies dragging in ice, mud and duck shit. He laughed that putrid cold laugh down our shirts and pants, up skirts and pissed on all of the leaky roofs he could find. The old Fart dragged snow across trails and roads trying to be the sneaky bastard he is. He knocked down power poles just so he could laugh at us huddled in some dark corner of some dark house with our breath freezing as we exhaled. He knows when he has us by the shriveled up balls.

In this amazing edition of Blueduck Weather News we shall more closely examine the effects of wind chill. It is my firm belief that wind chill, to a certain degree has much more of a psychological impact than a physical one, especially at milder temperatures. I will be the last one to argue that a wind chill of forty below zero will not make you a dead man’s friend.

However, a twelve mph wind at fifty degrees equates to a temperature of forty five degrees. A ten mph wind at sixty six degrees only drops the temperature two degrees. But if feels much colder. As one watches the beer cans rolling down the road, and the tumble weeds heading for you like some abstract wheel propelled off of a broken axle you begin to feel lonely and out of place and your inner core begins to cool even more because the mind is telling the body “fuck you, I want to climb under a blanket.”

Wind chills at temperatures below freezing can be deadly. Once thirty two degrees has been achieved each one mph wind adds one degree of chill to the air. So, in the next couple of months before the wind chill turns into a blast furnace in the desert your fine staff at Blueduck Weather will report relative chill to actual temperatures as they occur at The Land and elsewhere. With that bunch of horseshit let’s get to the amazing weather statistics compiled by your tireless staff at BlueDuck Weather News!

The average temperature at The Land was 6.5 degrees cooler at the end of December than the beginning. It was seven degrees cooler at Talking Trees and Antelope Hill. The average temperature on December 28th for the entire day at The Land was 38.50 degrees with a low of 28 degrees. The average temperature on December 26th at Talking Trees and Antelope Hill was 17.50 degrees with a low of 9 degrees. (ooshy!.)

The average temperature for the month at The Land was 51.67 mild degrees. The average temperature for Talking Trees and Antelope Hill was 31.67 degrees.

The average Humidity at The Land was 55.38 %. The average dew point was 34.77 degrees.

The average wind speed was 2.69 degrees. (Not much of a wind chill, unless of course, you stand outside naked and dump a bucket of water over your head!)


The Land saw 1.02 inches of rain for the month finishing the year with 7.76 inches of rain. The good old Valley of the Sun finished up with 9.53 inches of rain, both much ahead of the average amounts of rainfall in the desert for a year. There were nine days of measureable rainfall at The Land in December, quite impressive.

Lake Powell finished the year at 57% full. Lake Mead is at 45% empty, Pleasant holds at 58% and our loving Roosevelt Lake stands at 90%. This fine lake overcame the flushing of millions of toilets downstream!

12-01. There was morning fog in the southeast valley. The hurricane season ends on 12-07 and blows away all records.

Never before in history have six consecutive storms struck U.S. mainland. This was the first time a hurricane formed in five consecutive months. Longest lived storm, Bertha remained active for seventeen days. Hurricane Fay hit Florida four times. A record for Cuba as three hurricanes pounded the island. Severe flooding in Venice, Italy with 22’ storm surges. Brazil rescuers search for flood victims, one hundred and fourteen dead and nineteen missing. Eighty thousand flee flooding and mudslides.

Mexican Garter snake, once prevalent in Arizona placed on Endangered Species List.

The Island fox in California has made a ten year recovery from extinction and has grown from sixteen to six hundred and fifty.

Wounded deer attacks Missouri deer hunter who shot it.

12-02. Second day of high tide in Venice, worst in twenty years. Brazil President asks God to halt devastating rains.

12-03. Brazil working hard to open international sea ports that are vital to economy. One hundred and sixteen lives lost in the Santa Catarina region due to flooding.
Eight pound bass caught while fishing yields class ring that was missing for twenty one years. It was posted on the internet and the original owner found it.

12-04. 6 degrees in Duluth, Minnesota, 18 degrees in Chicago.
Pennsylvania pizzeria will not be serving venison on pizza although cook was caught carving deer in restaurant kitchen.

12-05. Portions of Santa Cruz River in Arizona receives top priority protection.
Girl on Oregon beach swept away by huge wave just as boyfriend ready to propose.
Obese dog found frozen to sidewalk survives because of body fat. Owner accused of animal cruelty (for what, letting it get stuck to a fucking sidewalk or for being so fat?)

12-06. Officials probe mysterious coyote deaths in Sun City Arizona.

12-07. winter snow advisories for Flagstaff, the Rim and snow above 6800’.
1998 was the warmest year on the planet. 2008 the coolest year in ten.

12-09. Freeze warning issued for southeast Pima and Pinal counties.

Powerful storms knock out power to seven thousand homes in north Texas and unofficial reports of tornado activity.
New brush fire north of Los Angeles in Thousand Oaks.
Wet and windy weather for the Mid West.

Man cited for jumping into the black rhino pit at the San Francisco zoo.

12-11. Rare snowfall covers southern Louisiana and Mississippi with snow in New Orleans. Eight inches of snow in some areas and only the eighth time it has snowed in sixty years.

12-12. Wind advisory for north east Arizona with 50mph winds. Snow levels will be down to six thousand feet by 12-14.
North East ice storm leaves one and a half million people without power.
Thousands of farm jobs vanish from California drought.
Four dead as rains pound Rome. A state of emergency is issued and hundreds are evacuated.

Fed up Pennsylvania man sprays teens with fox urine as they try to toilet paper his home.

12-13. Peak wind gusts at Flagstaff recorded at 61 mph. Snow level drops to five thousand feet.

Huge swarms of stinging jellyfish are ruining beaches in Hawaii, Gulf of Mexico and Australia.

12-14. Fifty five auto accidents on I-40 near Flagstaff due to snow and ice, three inches of snow.

12-15. Winter weather advisory posted for the White Mountains in eastern Arizona.

Four hundred and twenty three thousand people still without power in the North East due to earlier ice storms. President Bush declares state of emergency in New Hampshire, Massachusetts and New York.
Blizzard conditions in the Dakotas with a wind chill of thirty five degrees below zero.

A one hundred degree temperature difference in twenty four hours was reported near Cascade, Montana; from forty eight degrees to minus forty eight.
Snow in Las Vegas and the main route between Vegas and Los Angeles. Southern California evacuates because of heavy rains and possible mud slides from effects of recent fires.

School roof collapses from rain in Southern California and seven are injured.

12-16. Winter storm watch posted for south east Arizona above 5500’. 8-12 inches of snow expected. The high was lower than the low at The Land today. No, this line was not taken from a Willie Nelson, Merle Haggard song called “Reasons to Quit.”

Two trillion tons of sea ice has melted in Greenland, Antarctica and Alaska since 2004 according to NASA.

Orangutan wears Santa suit for promotion in Manila.

12-17. Flood watch posted for Phoenix metro area. Five inches of snow in Kingman. Eight to fifteen inches of snow above seven thousand feet. Fifteen inches of snow on the ground in Flagstaff.

Two missing in snow covered forest rescued. The guide for serious freeze damage in the desert is four consecutive hours of twenty eight degrees or below. So far this fall no freezing temperatures in the Valley.

Winter storm spreads over much of the nation. Twenty degrees below zero in the Northern Plains. Freezing rain and sleet from Kansas, the Ohio Valley and up to Maine.

Fourteen dead from storms.

12-18. Freeze advisory for southern Arizona from two a.m. to nine a.m. Record three inches of snow in Las Vegas and the airport closed for twenty four hours because the Vegas airport does not have a snow plow. San Bernardino Mountains in California near Malibu has a dusting of snow.

Twenty one people rescued along the Tijuana River near the California, Mexico borders.

Three young women found dead in car near Squaw Valley ski resort in California. They slept in the car with the heater on and the engine running. The exhaust pipe was blocked with snow and carbon monoxide gas got into the enclosed car.

China pet owners protest restaurants that place dogs and cats on the menu. (As long as ducks aren’t posted fuck the dogs and cats.)

12-19. Powerful winter storm with snow and freezing rain from Iowa to New England. The worst ice storm was in a band across northern Illinois, Indiana and Ohio. Two hundred and seventy thousand without power.

12-20. The drought is still severe in the South. Lake Hartwell on the Georgia, S. Carolina border is thirty five feet below normal and going dry. Second weekend of snow for the North East. Thirty percent of the homes in Boston are without power.

Seattle hasn’t seen this much snow since 1974.

A rare occurrence in the animal world was witnessed by yours truly today. I was chopping kindling in the yard when I heard an electrical buzz. I looked up to see an electrocuted pigeon fall with a thud to the ground. Apparently the dumb ass was sitting on the high line wires and somehow grounded him. Immediately a hawk was perched on top of him looking in all directions for no other predators. Finally he struggled to get in the air with the pigeon between his talons but he was having a hard time gaining altitude or elevation with the weight of the pigeon, the hawk finally took flight like an overweight plane, off to feast on his find.

I have a close friend, an otherwise compassionate duck, who shoots pigeons with wild glee. All they do is shit everywhere and have shit for brains. I applaud my friend. We both hold the hawk in high regard but would love to eliminate the inbred pigeon.

12-21. First day of Winter and the first freeze at The Land.

Two degrees at the Grand Canyon. Desert winds blow arsenic clouds from mines with 460,000 times the “safe level” in Randsburg, California.
Two feet of snow in Washington state and snow falls in the Midwest and Northeast. Residents of Portland, Oregon skiing on the streets.

12-22. Snow above 6500’ in Arizona. So far this season Flagstaff has 55’’ of snow. Maine town gets three and a half feet of snow.
More than fifty days of nonstop rain in portions of Italy. Rome received more rain in one day than an average month.

The weight of five inches of pigeon shit mixed with rain collapses a gas station awning in Yuma, Arizona. (I swear, I don’t make this shit up!)

“Lonely” man jumps into polar bear cage. Keeper lures bear away from the man with a leg of beef.

12-23. Snow level in Phoenix may drop down to two thousand feet by 12-26.

Ten below in Chicago.

Massachusetts man using blow torch to melt snow on porch sets house on fire causing thirty thousand dollars of damage.

Pig rescued from a tree in Florida. (I knew pigs could fly but I had no idea they flew and roosted in trees.)

12-24. Storm watches posted in Arizona until 12-26. Avalanche kills two snowmobilers in northern Utah.

12-25. First measurable rain in the Valley of the Sun in fourteen years.

Highly confidential intelligence reports a blue duck riding on Rudolph’s head.

12-26. Snow flurries in Cave Creek, Arizona and a freeze warning is issued for the Valley. Storm covers the West with snow and ice glazes the Midwest. Storm warnings posted for Utah, Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado and Wyoming. A blizzard warning covers the mountains of southwest Colorado. Utah Avalanche Center renews warnings against traveling in the mountain’s backcountry. Spokane, Washington has 46.2 inches of snow and a new record for December. Small tornados in Alabama cause damage.
Indonesia to honor 230,000 people killed by Tsunami in south Asia in 2004.

12-27. Freeze warning posted for the Phoenix metro area. Warmer weather could cause flooding following snow melt in the Midwest. Flood warnings posted for six states. Some areas receive two inches of rain in two hours. As warm air collides with cold air tornado watches posted for parts of Texas and Oklahoma.

12-28. High pollution advisory posted for Phoenix. Four hundred thousand without power in western New York as seventy five mph winds hammer the region. Six bodies recovered from Canada avalanches.

Officials say Jell-O may eliminate lake trout in Yellowstone (?)

12-30. Five feet of snow this season in Spokane; collapses roofs. Thirteen year old snowmobiler killed in Utah avalanche. The eighth and final body was found Tuesday from a group of snowmobilers buried by weekend avalanches in western Canada’s backcountry.

12-31. Lucky two year old boy found alive in snowy Flagstaff woods.

Virginia Priest killed by a falling tree in the wind.

And finally, a quote from a man in “Crazy moments of ’08 reads “Maybe if everyone had a duck in their life people wouldn’t be so angry.” Amen my faithful readers. (I swear we don’t make this shit up.) (Mrs. Blue duck thinks he is full of crap)

The quote of the month from the Mighty Broaduck is “Change can be for the better or worse. It all depends on what you do with it.” On a serious note please wish Mr. Broaduck the best of luck in these hard and perilous times.

The song of the month is “It Sure Got Cold After The Rain Fell” by ZZ Top.

Until next month and a new year reporting amazing weather facts, astonishing animal accounts, and stupid people segments, remember Pioneers took bullets, Settlers took land.

Professor MR Blueduck

November 2008 Weather News!

Well, I know Thanksgiving is not the day for giving and getting special gifts. I believe that happens next month if the whole shithouse doesn’t go up in flames. But yours truly received a very special gift on Thanksgiving, RAIN! The first rain in seventy one days at The Land was not a flood maker but we will take every drop we can get. It only rains on Thanksgiving here in the desert once every twelve years. It was even more of a blessing as September and October saw no rain, the first time in thirty five years.

The cool down of fall is finally upon us, even here in the desert. Soon many of my fine feathered friends and inbred family will be arriving from as far away as Canada. Although we curse the heat of summer be thankful we don’t have year round temperatures as mild as the ones we are experiencing. Every duck in the world would live here all year leaving piles of duck shit stinking up the entire place. Soon duck hunters would arrive leaving piles of garbage in their wake of death and destruction. Then a bomb would be a blessing to cleanse this used to be paradise.

The average temperature at the Land at the beginning of the month was twenty one degrees warmer than at the end of the month. The average temperature at Talking Trees and Antelope Hill was the same.

The average temperature on the Land was fifty seven degrees. It was thirty six degrees for Talking Trees and Antelope Hill. On 11-5 it was a “nippley” ten degrees for a morning low.

The average humidity for the Land was 35.53 percent, with an average dew point of 23 degrees. There were two foggy mornings after the Thanksgiving rain and a fog alert was issued on the third morning for agricultural areas around the Valley.

The average wind speed for the month was 3.78mph. There were four days in a row with no recordable wind but it blew hard on several occasions giving us two wind chill days.

The rainfall at the Land was .22 inches leaving us a total of 6.83 inches for the year.

Lake levels are holding their own or still diminishing. Lake Pleasant is dropping fast at a level of 50%. Mead refuses to grow at 45%. Lake Powell is holding its own at 58% and Roosevelt stands at an impressive 90% for this time of year.

Now let’s get right to daily statistics of the month. You will read in the exciting paragraphs ahead that poor old southern California is still burning up. Perhaps it should be renamed from the Golden state to the Charred state. It will simply “stagger you out of your mind.”

11-1. 94 degrees in Phoenix. Twenty one days in October were over 90 degrees. Flash flood watches and snow in northern California.

11-2. Thunderstorms in Sedona. More snow in northern California. Residents in Hamlin, Texas have killed twenty rattlesnakes in the past two days; warmer weather to blame.

Heavy flooding in France has killed five in Paris.

11-3. Three and a half inches of rain and snow in northern California. Vietnam death toll from flooding has risen to fifty, eighteen in Hanoi.

11-4. Temperatures are twenty five degrees above normal in Illinois with eighty five degrees recorded in Chicago.

North Dakota food banks to only accept deer taken with arrows; worries about lead bullets. (Editor’s note: let us not forget to help feed the needy but let us always be mindful of being politically correct.)

11-5. Snow north of Flagstaff at elevations above eight thousand feet. Death toll from flooding in Viet Nam up to ninety. Ozone hole over Antarctica fifth biggest in history.

11-6. Arizona woman runs a mile after aggressive, rabid fox latches onto her arm. Freeze warning issued for Cochise county. Snow in the Sierras and a blizzard in South Dakota leaving three feet of snow. Tropical storm Paloma headed for Cuba. Landslides from heavy rain in China kill seventy two, sixty thousand evacuated. Freak storm in the Philippines capsizes ferry killing seventy two.

11-7. Arizona health officials issue rabies warning. Snow helps Utah start early ski season. Blizzard traps hundreds of drivers overnight in South Dakota; three foot drifts in Rapid City. Hurricane Paloma headed toward Cayman Islands as a category three with 115mph winds.

Thieves caught with twelve pigs crowded into a mini van outside of Budapest. (Trust me my faithful readers this is madness. I have driven a van with a pig in back. The only thing that kept the damned swine out of my and Goedert’s lap was a wooden pallet tie wired between the two front seats!)

11-8. Hurricane Paloma heads toward Cuba as a dangerous category four storm and tens of thousands are evacuated. Major crop damage feared already damaged by the past two hurricanes of the season.

11-9. Pea sized hail in Sun City, Arizona with 45mph winds. Heavy snow in Flagstaff with six inches above seven thousand feet. Hundreds of homes damaged in Cuba from Paloma but the hurricane is downsized to a tropical storm as it moves east.

11-10. Great Plains digging out after blizzard dumps forty five inches of snow near Deadwood, South Dakota. There are twenty foot snowdrifts in southwestern South Dakota.

ONLY IN CALIFORNIA: four hundred squirrels placed on birth control in the city of Davis.

11-12. Idaho woman finds a frozen pig’s head stuck on a pole in her front yard.

11-13. Wind advisory for western Arizona. Temperatures ten degrees above normal in the Valley of the Sun. Seven rescued after storm washes out road on Oregon coast. How tornados form is still a mystery but a new study shows dust pollution in atmosphere my nudge super cell thunderstorms into spawning twisters.

Surfer claims whale tapped him with its tail when he skimmed over the whale.

11-14. Fires fueled by 75mph winds burn one hundred luxury homes in Santa Barbara, California and injure thirteen. “Regional haze” or smog stretching from the Persian Gulf to Asia threatens health and food supplies for the entire world. Huge plumes have darkened mega cities in Asia by twenty five percent.

11-15. Red flag warning for central and south west Arizona. Patients evacuated from L.A. hospital due to fires. Five hundred mobile homes destroyed. Orange County loses a dozen buildings. Lake effect snow in northern Ohio. North Carolina storm turns into tornado killing two.

11-16. Fifty thousand evacuated from California wildfires. Three major fires have destroyed eight hundred homes. Many people had five minutes to evacuate. Wind gusts fifty miles per hour in L.A. County with twelve percent humidity.

11-17. Wind power being studied on Navajo Nation in Arizona. Eighty seven degrees in Phoenix broke old record of eighty six set in 1990. Nine hundred homes scorched in southern California, San Diego wildfires force evacuations. Falling boulders close cabins at Yosemite National Park. Great Lakes blanketed in two feet of snow. Authorities in Oregon and Washington bracing for mudslides and road closures from heavy rain. Snoqualmie River six feet above flood stage. Some Texans still living in tents after Hurricane Ike, housing scarce. Tropical storm Nowl heads toward Vietnam, eighty thousand evacuated, primarily farmers.

11-18. Dry up of Lake Mead will happen in next several decades. Half of world’s population could face water shortages due to climate change by 2080, especially Asia.

11-19. Father saves two sons but drowns after car slides off snowy road and into pond in New York. Heavy rain and flooding causes power outages for thousands along Australian coast.

11-20. Eighty two year old Pennsylvania man found alive and conscious after getting lost in the woods for thirty two hours. There were snow squalls and the temperature was 18 degrees when he was found. Layered clothing saved his life after getting lost scouting for a hunting spot. Australian storms dump eighteen inches of snow in a few hours along the coast.

11-21. Seventeen degrees at the Grand Canyon and twenty two degrees in Winslow.

11-22. High pressure breaking down over Arizona and possible rain and snow for Thanksgiving.

11-23. Old subway cars in New York being dumped into the ocean to act as man made reefs. They are calling it a “green dump.” (Editor’s note: a green dump my ass! Just a clever way to dump garbage that will give off poisoning chemicals for years to come conveniently out of sight.)

Dozens of Pilot whales beach themselves in Australia and die. Eleven saved out of fifty three. (Perhaps Australia has had a “green dump” program also.)

11-24. Snow flurries at the Snow Bowl. Heavy rain predicted in southern California will cause mudslides in burned out areas.

11-25. Eight to fourteen inches of snow predicted in Arizona above nine thousand feet. Germ alert: steer clear of flatbed chicken trucks and roll up your windows. (?)

11-28. Three men enjoying the Pacific Ocean near Los Angeles were swept to their deaths by a huge wave. Afghans face winter of widespread hunger brought on partly by decades of drought.

11-30. Bad weather in the South and South East. Flights delayed from Illinois up to New York. Tornado watches posted. Weather keeps the space shuttle Endeavor form landing in Florida and touches down at Edwards Air Force Base in California.

The quote of the month from the Mighty Broadduck is this: “Take a look at your life, look at what you’ve done. If it doesn’t make you proud, go and get your gun”.

The song of the month was going to be “Whiskey Rain” by the Hickman Dalton Gang. But for reasons as deep and fleeting as the weather it will be “If We Make It Through December” by the Mighty Hag himself, Merle Haggard.

The fine staff at Blueduck Weather sincerely thanks you for your ongoing readership.

Until next month remember Pioneers took bullets, Settlers took land.
Professor MR Blueduck.

Blue Duck Weather, October 2008

October 2008 Weather News!

October was the mildest weather month for the state, the Country and the world since your fine staff began reporting. Either that or any weather news was drowned out by the endless drone of a collapsing economy and the upcoming selection of a President. (I use that term loosely.)

Knowing there is media bias on what is reported we did closely watch the weather maps here at Blueduck Weather. Generally it was a mild month. Hurricanes and aftermaths of hurricanes still threatened the world.

Poor old California is still burning up and it looks like no relief is in sight. They have been placed on severe drought status. Water may be rationed and fields left unplanted. This is the worst drought they have seen since 1961.

The weather was “mild” so to speak in Phoenix. October finished with temperatures ten degrees above normal. There were only two days that it reached one hundred degrees but there were plenty of nineties all month. By mid month things started to really cool down but heated back up again.

You will read more animal related stories this month. Your fine staff at Blueduck Weather has always maintained that weather affects animal behavior and survival. There were plenty of animal stories in October. While the weather seemed mild to us apparently it is driving our animal friends insane.

The average temperature difference at The Land from the beginning of October to the end was five degrees. The average difference at Talking Trees and Antelope Hill was five and a half degrees. There were plenty of low twenties in the high country but the days warmed into the seventies.

The average temperature on The Land for the month of October was 68.11 degrees. The average for Talking Trees and Antelope Hill was 49.06 degrees.

The average humidity on The Land was 24%. The average dew point was 15.79 degrees.

The average wind speed on The Land was 3.88 mph. There was actually one wind chill day on October 11th. The wind drove the low and high down by three degrees.

There was no rain in October. The last official rain on The Land was on 9-16 and the official total for the year stands at 6.61 inches.

The major lakes in the state reported the following levels: Lake Powell is still growing at 59%. Lake Mead is barely holding it’s own at 44%. Roosevelt survived the summer nicely at 90%. Lake Pleasant is being sucked dry by the metropolitan beast and is down to 49%.

With all the dreadful news about the economy and the never ending stream of propaganda about National politics we know your red, sunk in their socket, bags under them, eyeballs are hungry for some real facts to entertain you and bore you to sleep. With that said let us get right to the weather news, or lack of it.

10-2. Pacific storm expected to dump snow in Arizona above 9500’. Three Texans found guilty of starting fire near Grand Canyon last spring. Debris from Hurricane Ike wash up on hundred of miles of formally pristine beaches. Hurricanes boost jobless claims the highest since 2001.

10-3. Hurricane Maria moving up the west end of Baja. The disappearance of birds after Hurricane Ike means a silent autumn. China Zoo feeds Pandas chicken soup to prepare them for upcoming cold season. (?)

10-4. There are still people missing in Galveston from Hurricane Ike and may never be recovered.

10-5. Snow at San Francisco Peaks in northern Arizona and a freeze warning issued for elevations above 7000’. The record high temperature in Phoenix was 104 degrees in 1987. The record low was 46 degrees in 1908.

10-6. Cold weather moving into Arkansas and Oklahoma.

Penguins get a helping hand after getting two thousand miles off course from the ant artic to Brazil. Diminished food supply from warmer weather cited as the cause. Several artic seals even ended up on the coast of Florida. New study says that one in four mammals face extinction. (Does that include humans?)

10-7. Two hurricanes forming to the south of Mexico. Hurricane Norbert moving toward the Baja Peninsula.

10-8. Wildfire north of San Diego, near Camp Pendleton. Rock slides in Yosemite destroys cabin and injures two.

Hurricane Norbert turns into a category four storm with 135mph winds. Whales and the U.S. Navy go to the Supreme Court for possible sonar damage. Whales and dolphins are dying because sonar to them is a thousand times louder than a jet airliner. The High Court decides to let the Navy to continue.

(Fuck the whales and the dolphins; this is National Security by God!)

10-9. Three albino elk photographed in Utah roaming together. California law proposed would require more space for laying hens. (Only in fucking California! As I have said many times, just put up a fence around the entire state and charge admission.)

10-10. Wind advisories for most of Arizona with red flag warnings. Hurricane Norbert moving into Mexico as it breaks up. Rain for Texas and New Mexico, lower temperatures for Arizona and Colorado form the storm’s aftermath. Polar bears becoming the poster children for Global warming but the Tropics threatened also.

10-11. 48mph winds in Show Low, 55mph winds in Flagstaff, 75 mph peak wind recorded in Winslow. Temperatures for entire state twenty degrees cooler than yesterday. Freeze warnings posted from Flagstaff to Eager. Morning lows will be 15 degrees at the Grand Canyon and 21 degrees in Flagstaff. Snow in Wyoming and Colorado. Hurricane Norbert slams into south of the California Peninsula forcing people to flee. Kenyon elephants fitted with collars that send text messages to park rangers. (Please, we don’t make this shit up.)

10-12. Flagstaff twelve degrees for a low. 750 acres north east of Los Angeles burned and fueled by Santa Anna winds. Two homes are destroyed and twelve hundred evacuate.

10-13. Two fires north of L.A. have consumed 2300 acres and frantic evacuations. Two people dead as a result of fires. California and Mexican citrus growers meet on mysterious tree disease. Hurricane Norbert’s breakup leaves snow in New Mexico and Colorado.

10-14. Firefighters gain control on fires near L.A. Santa Anna winds not as strong.

ECONOMIC FREEFALL MAY HAMPER STEPS TO SLOW GLOBAL WARMING.

10-15. Tucson Council mandates rain water collection. (?)

Snow in Rockies and rain from Chicago to Dallas.

The Virgin Islands brace for Hurricane Omar.

10-16. The record high in Phoenix was 101 degrees in 1991. The record low was 40 degrees in 1899.

10-17. Drought conditions worsen in the Western Appalachia’s. The Beluga whales of Alaska’s Cook Inlet are endangered and require more protection. Ravenous army ants on the march in Texas devouring wheat and other crops.

10-18. The record high in Phoenix was 103 degrees in 2003. The record low was 43 degrees in 1966.

Fire near L.A. that consumed fifteen homes now fully contained.

10-20. Temperatures in the Phoenix area ten degrees above normal.

10-21. Yours truly spots heavy smoke approximately thirty miles west of The Land. No mention on local news. Tucson policy denies water to certain communities. (?)

10-22. Massive tire yard south of Phoenix with seven million tires burns. Arson suspected.

Red flag warning for Kingman.

Snow in the Dakotas. Wood eating beetle threatens trees and syrup industry in New England trees (sound familiar?)

Czech group works overtime to save dwindling hedgehogs. Three hundred and fifty thousand are killed annually due to building and more autos. (I say road kill for the needy!)

Two found dead after fishing boat goes down in Alaska, five still missing.

10-23. One hundred acres burning near L.A.

Snow in South Dakota, Kansas and Nebraska.

Ten foot python crushes owner to death in Virginia.

Montana woman fights off aggressive doe that attacks her poodle.

10-24. The high in Phoenix was 96 degrees last year. The low was 41 degrees in 1920.

10-25. Seven Puget Sound Killer whales are missing and presumed dead.

This is the biggest decline in a decade according to scientists who carefully monitor and track the endangered species.

10-26. Dog risks life to guard litter of kittens in a house fire in Sidney, Australia.

10-27. 48mph winds in Tucson. Pinal County under health advisory due to particulates from wind. Cold Arctic blast in Michigan with snow. Frost in Deep South. Nevada man charges and scares off mountain lion ready to attack the man’s son as he returns home from a bike ride.

10-28. The North East has first snow storm of the season closing roads, school and causing blackouts. Another greenhouse gas, methane is on the rise.

Editor’s note: Cow and human farts are abundant in the good old U. S. A.

10-29. People in the North East still without power a day after major snow storm.

Twelve degrees above normal in Phoenix.

10-31. Drought stricken California to cut water deliveries to 15% of what is currently the amount that water agents throughout the state request each year. Could force rationing and suspend growing season.

Flooding kills twenty in Vietnam. A cheetah escapes container in the cargo hold of a Boeing 757 flight in Atlanta.

A baggage handler discovered the cheetah on the loose and authorities tranquilized it.

Thousands of Saudi men show up for beauty pageant featuring sheep (I swear, we do not make this shit up!)
Cat survives crossbow attack in Alabama trailer park.

(No ideas Ryduck!)

(RYAN, Mrs. Duck here....DON"T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!

Well, there you have it my faithful readers. If you are still awake we shall move on to the quote of the month by the Mighty Broaduck. It is the best ever and the beginning of a song he and I will write and send to Rose-Acuff Publishing. We shall then retire and I will have more time to write more mindless gibberish.

“ Find an old dirt road and see a glimpse of the past. Realize life is better when it doesn’t move too fast.”

The song of the month is partly about climate change and animals, a haunting and whimsical tune by Led Zeppelin; “That’s The Way.”

One line has always intrigued me as it says

‘'All the fish that lay in dirty waters dying, had they got you hypnotized?’’

Never forget Pioneers took bullets and Settlers took land.

Until next month,

Professor ( &don’t forget it) MR Blueduck.

September Blue Duck Weather News

September 2008 Weather News!


Atlantic hurricanes were the talk of the planet for the first two thirds of last month. It seems they lined up in a row like massive bombers waiting to thunder off of some cosmic runway dropping bombs of torrential rain, wind, death and destruction.

Here at home it seemed the monsoon season would never end. I thought it blew out its last stinky, juicy putrid fart on September 11th. We had massive winds, dust and a trace of rain. The humidity and dew points dropped after that day and then climbed right back up a week later. One weather “official” declared it over on the 23rd of last month. The new “official” end of the monsoon is September 30th. By then I noticed a pattern of easterly wind flow, more indicative to the end of the torture. They may have got it right this time.

On June 10th Mrs. Blueduck asked me my prediction for the upcoming summer monsoon. I told her, in all of my infinite wisdom with a cloud around my brain, that it would be a cooler summer than normal, a bad fire season, and three inches of rain for the monsoon. Of course I was right on all account. You only have to read the weather reports from July until now to see my duck given brilliance.

I also promised to torture you with the number of days over one hundred degrees for the month. It is safe to say we are out of the one hundred and ten degree days but September had enough days over one hundred. Phoenix had a total of twelve and The Land had six days. Let us get right to the weather facts of last month and the stimulating weather knowledge you will gain to impress all of your friends and family.

The average temperature at The Land was actually two degrees warmer at the end of September than the beginning, but the humidity was down twenty three percent and the dew point was down nineteen degrees. The average temperature for the month was 85.31 degrees.

The average temperature at Talking Trees and Antelope Hill fell eight degrees from the beginning of the month to the end; the overall average temperature was 58.18 degrees. (At that elevation there is actually a promise of autumn coming.)

The average humidity at The Land was 37.36 percent and the average dew point was 52.33 degrees, just under the monsoon dew point for the entire month.

The average wind speed was 4.56 mph.

Lake Mead stands at 44% empty. Lake Powell is trying to make a recovery at 60%. Lake Pleasant is down to 49% (my guess is due to farming and irrigation.) Roosevelt stands at an impressive 90%. Yes, we have enough water to flush our toilets, hose down driveways, leave the drip irrigation on even when it is raining and keep our DUCK PONDS FULL for the winter.

9-1. Two men had to be airlifted from a Tucson wash as truck gets stuck in flashflood. Five of last seven days in Phoenix have been below one hundred degrees.

Hurricane Gustav makes landfall as a category two storm in Cocodrie, Louisiana. New Orleans avoids catastrophic damage so far but levees still vulnerable. One million without power with winds at 110mph. Oklahoma may receive twenty inches of rain as Gustav moves northwest. Hanna is upgraded to a hurricane and behind her is Ike.

9-2. New Orleans evacuees will not be able to return home until September 4th due to power outages and flooded streets. Southern Atlantic states put on alert as Hanna churns and gathers momentum. Hurricane Gustav moves over Central Plains reduced to a tropical storm.

9-3. In Phoenix 40th Street between Shea and Cactus still closed from the storms on August 28th. Hurricane Ike has turned into a category three storm. Hanna has killed twenty six people in Haiti. Nineteen square mile piece of ice breaks off in the Artic north of Canada.

9-4. Hurricanes Hanna, Ike and Josephine lining up. Hanna will smack the Carolinas by 9-6. Ike is the most powerful with 140mph winds. Its birth was off the African coast. One million still without power from Gustav in Louisiana. 92 degree record high in San Francisco, Ca.

9-5. Hurricane Hanna to hit the Carolinas and up the East Coast. Hanna may drop almost four inches of rain for drought stricken Eastern Seaboard. The death toll from Hanna in Haiti up to one hundred and thirty. Ten thousand are homeless. Hurricane Ike coming and may be a monster. Forty million Americans may be affected. There are twenty one more million people living along the Gulf Coast than in 1980.
Asian soot and smog may increase global warming in next fifty years.
Fifty five year old gorilla dies in Dallas zoo; the world’s oldest in captivity.

9-6. Hanna moves from New Jersey to New England and only 4mph short of being a category one hurricane. Ike is now a category four hurricane. Five hundred people in Haiti now dead from Hanna.

9-7. Hurricane Hanna leaves damage in Boston and Massachusetts. Ike heads to Florida Keys and evacuations ordered. Ike is now a category three storm with sustained winds of 120mph.

9-8. Louisiana declares state of emergency for approaching Ike. Hurricane watch for the Florida Keys has been cancelled.

Bee colonies continue to disappear and may be linked to pesticides. (Editors Note: your faithful staff at Blueduck Weather was the first to report on the mysterious decline of the bee population. Weather and climate caused or caused by the poisons of human kind it does not matter. If we lose our bee friends we lose our food.)

9-9. Golf ball size hail reported in West Phoenix. Texas ready to evacuate one million people for the arrival of Hurricane Ike. One and a half million Cubans flee Ike’s fury.

9-10. Severe weather alert for Maricopa County. Hurricane Gustav destroyed seven thousand homes in its path. Ike is out of Cuba and it looks like most of Texas Coast is in its path.

Four out of ten fresh water fish in the U.S. in peril.

9-11! Flood advisory for Pima County, Az. Severe thunderstorm warning for Maricopa County. 55mph winds recorded, Sky Harbor closed and twenty eight power poles down in Buckeye.

All eyes are on Hurricane Ike as it triples in size. Outflow winds from the center are being recorded at 74mph at a distance of two hundred and fifty miles. One million ordered to evacuate from Galveston.

9-12. Hurricane Ike is six hundred miles long and has 32 ft. storm surges. Galveston is ordered for immediate evacuation or FACE DEATH. (Editors note: I have never heard a warning issued this severe.) Two million people in Houston told to hunker down. In 1900 a hurricane killed seven thousand people in Galveston.

9-13. Health workers in Flagstaff, Az. find flee plague. (?) Humpback Chub, endangered in the Grand Canyon since 1967 taken off the list.
Major search and rescue in Galveston, Texas. Flood waters eight feet deep in areas. One thousand people rescued. A curfew is in effect to prevent looting. Millions without power and in Houston. President Bush declares major disaster.

Ike is moving north and joining cold front; may produce six inches of rain in Great Lakes area.

9-14. A week long curfew has been ordered for Houston. Rescuers have saved two thousand people who rode storm out in Galveston. Caskets pop out of ground in flooded cemetery. Hurricane Ike is the first to make a direct hit on a major city since Katrina. Bush to tour area on 9-16. As Ike moves it dumps six inches of rain in Chicago.

9-15. Federal Government to clean up mercury tainted Pena Lake in southern Arizona.

A note for blue ducks everywhere who love the blues: Bluesman Gatemouth Brown, who was chased by Hurricane Katrina, dies in Texas after Hurricane Ike.

Python “rescued” from highline wires in Sidney, Australia.

9-16. The monsoon just won’t get out of here or was it a gentle rain to honor a very special dog on The Land? He took one last stroll and a dip in the frog pond the afternoon before. The rain today helped pack the dirt on his grave.

As Ike closed in on Galveston earlier a cluster of residents stayed on the island with a lion. Rio Grande River in Texas expected to top levees and spill into bordering towns from Ike’s rains.

Pennsylvania woman mistakes skunk with neighbor’s cat and gets sprayed.
Melting Artic Sea ice second worst since 1979.

9-17. Death toll from Hurricane Ike stands at twenty one in the U.S. As Ike moves it leaves one million people without power in Ohio. Ike causes the biggest internet outage since 2003.
Payson, Arizona woman and newcomer mistakes Bull elk’s bugle as violent human screams and calls police. Hunt for poachers who killed elk near Williams, Az.

9-18. Forty nine oil platforms in Gulf Coast shut down by Hurricane Ike; some will be abandoned.

9-19. Millions still without power on the Gulf Coast and thousands of homes damaged. There are an estimated six billion dollars of damages. Waves from Ike reveals skeleton of a ship washed on a beach that may have been from the Civil War.

9-20. The record high in Phoenix on this date was 105 degrees in 2005. The record low as 47 degrees in 1965.

9-22. THE FIRST DAY OF FALL MY SHIT STAINED FEATHERED ASS! Today’s high was one hundred and one degrees. Mrs. Blueduck and BeckPeck have had a brutal summer. It is no wonder they haven’t left me to bake in the oven with an apple in my ass.

9-23. Algae bloom in Lake Eerie now visible from photos from space.
Solar wind lowest in fifty years. The lack of sunspots affecting speculations of global warming and planet may be in a cooling trend now.
Venomous army ants chase athletes of Ca. football field.

9-26. The fucking monsoon still isn’t dead; isolated thunderstorm in Queen Creek . The dew point is at 55 degrees.

Two weeks after the wrath of Ike some kids still not back in school.

9-27. Line of thunderstorms east of Phoenix; wind gusts up to 45mph. Hurricane Ike remnants leave five hundred million dollars of damage in Ohio. Hurricane Kyle forming in the Atlantic and Maine preparing.
Navajo Nation list Bald Eagle as endangered.

9-28. Long gas lines in Atlanta due to lack of fuel from Ike. Kyle brings heavy rain to Boston and Maryland.

Fourth and most powerful typhoon this year slams Taiwan with 140mph winds.

9-29. What a difference fifty miles apart, wind in Phoenix and no concrete at The Land; this morning’s low was 67 degrees compared to a Phoenix low of 83 degrees.

9-30. The new “official “ end of the monsoon season leaves Phoenix with 8.12 inches of rain. This is the tenth wettest of record keeping and the fourth wettest since 1984.

Total monsoon moisture was 5.70 inches. The normal is 2.50 inches.
Rain to date for this year at The Land is 6.61 inches.

Before we end this month’s exciting weather news I would like to make a not so humble announcement. I have been awarded a Professorship in the International Duck Forecaster Association. Many cast their votes (mainly me) and it was determined that because of the fine staff at Blueduck Weather and my brilliant weather documentation the prestigious award was presented to yours truly. Please take a moment to thank me for this accomplishment. (note from Mrs. Blueduck, there was exacatly ONE vote cast)

I know all of you have been eagerly anticipating this month’s heady contribution by The Mighty Broadduck. Without further delay here it is: “The greatest reward a man can achieve for a noble deed is a kiss from a woman; but in a pinch a peck from a duck will do. "

The weather song for the month is “South side of Heaven” by Ryan Bingham.

As always, remember Pioneers took bullets and Settlers took land. And don’t forget thieves and liars took titles(Like swamy duck knighting himself professor).

I am forever in your weather servitude.

Professor MR Blueduck.

August Blue Duck Weather News

August Weather News 2008

Special One Year Anniversary Edition

Isn’t it incredible? Already one year since this fantastic blog was set up by the brilliant Mrs. Blueduck. My time flies when you are bored out of your mind. Our vast readership has increased from one to perhaps ten people.

But now my fine readers let me divulge the reason behind the brain child of this fantastic weather journal. One year of weather data recording allows me to do just that. Beginning with this edition and every yearly edition we will report the average temperature for the year at The Land and at Talking Trees and Antelope Hill. One reporting station is at approximately twelve hundred feet above sea level; the other at seventy four hundred feet. These are perfect cross sections for accurate temperature variables and reporting.

So much has been discussed about global warming and climate change. The concepts and reporting are so distorted it has nothing to do with our dear mother Earth any longer. It is all wasted in politics and economic gains. BlueDuck Weather News has been committed to giving you the weather facts as we obtain them; without bias or opinion. So, year to year, we will report average temperatures and we will see how and if they fluctuate dramatically. How many years this fine publication will be in progress is anybody’s guess. And truly it would take a hundred years of record keeping to accurately make comparisons. If your fine Editor in Chief has only a few years to give you this fantastic information so be it. At least it is honest reporting without bias (except for some occasional twisted humor.)

THE AVERAGE TEMPERATURE FOR THE LAST TWELVE MONTHS ON THE LAND WAS 77.21 DEGREES. THE AVERAGE TEMPERATURE AT TALKING TREES AND ANTELOPE HILL WAS 48.33 DEGREES. We will visit this again in twelve months. Let’s get right to the weather new of August, 2008.

The average temperature at The Land was 87.51 degrees. The average temperature at Talking Trees and Antelope Hill was 64.83 degrees. There were no one hundred and ten degree days at The Land!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The average humidity on The Land was 41.50 percent. The average dew point was 59.90 degrees. There were only two days during the entire month the dew point was below

The average wind speed on The Land was 3.67 mph.

The Land received .98 inches of rain for the month, bringing the year to date total to 6.51 inches. The total rainfall for the year in Phoenix is 8.10 inches, approximately three inches more than normal. This monsoon, as of this writing, is the wettest since 1984.

The lake levels are as follows; Lake Mead, 44%, Lake Powell, 62% (it’s still coming up), Roosevelt, 92% and Lake Pleasant is at 61%.

8-1. Ninety five degrees new high low record for Phoenix. Twenty five hundred acre wildfire threatening homes in San Diego.

8-2. Ninety one degrees new record high low in Phoenix. Twenty homes consumed by fire in Yosemite fire. Eighty percent contained and thought to have been caused by a target shooter.

8-3. Flood advisory posted for Coconino and Yavapai Counties. Two inches of rain per hour falling in Safford. Sixty mph winds in Globe. Tropical storm Edouard forming in the Gulf of Mexico and moving northward. Avalanche in Pakistan kills eleven climbers trying to conquer second highest peak in the world. Bodies may never be recovered.

8-4. Three die in Sells, Az. trying to cross flooded wash. Eduardo two hundred miles from Galveston, Texas, ten inches of rain expected.

8-5. Hail and heavy rain near Sierra Vista, Az. Heavy past rain brings relief to farmers in south east Arizona. Lake Powell sixty five feet above level it was in March. May signal the end of the drought. Lightening causes wildfire near Denver. Violent storms spawn rare tornados in Chicago.

8-6. Flash flood warning for Mohave County near Kingman (Hayduke Lives.!). Nine firefighters killed in helicopter crash in northern California. Florida dog chases off two hundred pound black bear. A couple in Colorado find a mountain lion in their bedroom. They scare the lion off but it kills a black lab. pet as it runs off. “Officials” destroy the lion because it has no fear of humans or pets.

8-7. Flood advisory for south Tucson. Eight of the last nine years have been the warmest on record for Reno, Nevada. United States arrests man for poaching thousands of lobsters. Nuclear submarine leaked radiation for two years in Japanese port. Conditions in Myanmar from cyclone two months ago still much worse than “the local government portrayed.

8-8. Last night’s thunderstorms left twenty four hundred Buckeye residents without power. Some will not have power until tomorrow. Flooding in north central Phoenix and south Scottsdale. Flights delayed.

8-9. Five hundred homes in Prescott without power due to storms. Two hundred homes in
Buckeye still without power.

Five hundred pound lion attacks woman and her niece while riding a donkey in Mexico. Woman staves off the attack with a machete. Lion had escaped a private zoo owned by a “past Congressman.” The lion was tranquilized and returned to the zoo after killing a dog and eating a pig (thankfully no ducks).

8-10. Phoenix experiencing 8th wettest monsoon ever recorded. Flooding in Mohave County. Brush fire near Buckeye started by lightning and up to four hundred acres with thirty percent containment.

Editor’s note; I spotted the smoke from this fire with my beady little eyes three days after the fire started. Until today there was no news coverage of the fire.

8-12. Mid West flooding did not damage crops as badly as suspected; bumper crops in corn and soy beans.

8-13. Thirty three dead in Valenzuela by rabies spread through Vampire bats.

8-14. Dust storm warning for entire Valley of the Sun. Severe thunderstorm warning in northern Maricopa County. Thirty five thousand without power in Tucson from last night’s storms. More than two inches fell.

8-15. Last night’s storms leave five thousand without power in East Phoenix. Man hurt when falling tree crushes car. Airport delays. Tornado warning issued south west of Flagstaff. Rare tornado warning issued for New York City. Tropical storm Faye forms near Puerto Rico. Could gather strength and hit Florida in three days.

8-16. Tornado spotted north of Williams, Az. Flash flood watch for Gila and northern Maricopa County. Fay could hit Florida as a hurricane; the Governor declares a state of emergency. Three bear attacks near Anchorage, Alaska. Remains show that Sonoran deserts were once green and lush.

8-17. Grand Canyon floods breach the Redlands Dam causing flooding in Supai ; hiking trails and foot bridge washed out. Eighty people evacuated. Eight inches of rain recorded over weekend. Visitors urged to leave Florida ahead of Fay. Tornado touches down near Houston, Texas.

8-18. Rescues continue in Grand Canyon. Eighty five people airlifted out today. Four hundred from Yavasupai village removed. Mule trail closed; the only way to get supplies and mail to the bottom of the canyon. Campsites destroyed. Rio Grande highway in south Texas closed from flooding. Sixty people rescued. Fay expected to pound Florida tomorrow with ten inches of rain.

8-19. All missing in the Grand Canyon accounted for. Fay is turning into a hurricane. Rare boomerang action causing multiple landfalls. Twenty inches of rain expected in Orlando. Prospects dim for a orphaned infant humpback whale that adopted a yacht as its mother in Sydney, Australia.

8-20. Fay floods hundreds of homes in central Florida and has stalled out producing more rain.

8-21. Forty cattle die mysteriously in Chino Valley, Az. Thirty two thousand without power in Florida due to Fay.

Heavy flooding in Houston.

Two teens trapped in snow fall in Washington State.

Bears seen making dangerous open water swim in ocean off Alaska. Northern Greenland glaciers are showing fractures and breaking up. Baby whale euthanized after days of trying to adopt boats as mother.

8-22. In five days Fay has dumped two feet of rain, thirty thousand without power and seven dead. Damages being assessed for tomato and citrus crops.

Florida cops subdue an Emu by using a taser (fucking bullies!)

(Mrs. Blueduck says use a taser on the cop!)

8-23. Border fence between Mexico and Arizona being criticized as causing flooding. (?) Fay boomerangs out of Gulf of Mexico and makes a record fourth landfall and centered along the Panhandle. Almost three feet of rain has fallen and eleven lives claimed. There are tornado warnings caused by Fay and five inches of rain per hour falling. Tropical storm Julio has formed two hundred and fifty miles south of Baja.

8-24. Julio moisture may be driven into the state with the monsoon flow. 1.22 inches of rain in Queen Creek and South Mountain. Tornado touches down near Denver.

8-25. One inch of rain in many parts of the Phoenix metro area. Small planes overturned at Chandler Airport.

Fay still dumping rain as new tropical storm Gustav gains momentum in the Atlantic.

8-26. 4.66 inches of rain for monsoon in Phoenix official rain bucket, wettest in ten years. Gustav labeled a hurricane with ninety mph winds and bearing down on Haiti. Could affect Mexican oil drilling.

8-27. Two dead in California and Arizona from flash flooding. The high in Phoenix today was ninety two degrees; the coolest since June 5th.

8-28. Havasu Canyon will be closed for six months as eight mile trail is rebuilt.

Gustav bearing down on Cuba. Expected to turn into category three hurricane. Twenty three dead in the Carribean from landslides and flooding. New Orleans placed on notice for evacuations.

Three year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina in three days. Mississippi oil rigs being shut down.

8-29. Strongest thunderstorms in twelve years hit central and east Phoenix last night. Winds recorded in excess of eighty mph. Hurricane force winds are seventy four mph. Eight million dollar sports facility destroyed at ASU.

Three quarter inch hail and two inches of rain in many places. Downed power poles and trees close intersections.

Encanto Park closed with one hundred trees down. Judge orders protection for desert Bald Eagles.

Gustav plows toward the Caymens, Cuba and the Gulf Coast.

8-30. Gustav hits Cuba with one hundred and forty mph winds. More than a million flee the Gulf Coast as Gustav approaches category five status. New Orleans evacuations are mandatory.

8-31. Eight hundred still without power in Phoenix from 8-29. Gustav went from a tropical storm to a category four hurricane in twenty four hours. Appears to be on a direct course to New Orleans.

One and a half million people homeless in India since the monsoon swollen Kosi River burst banks, spilling billions of gallons of water onto the plains of northern India. French Police found the bodies of eight hikers killed by an avalanche on Europe’s highest peak. Bodies are buried beneath one hundred and sixty five feet of ice in a deep crevice. There will be no attempt to recover their bodies.

There you have it my fine feathered readers. Another wild weather month; a tornado in Arizona, Colorado and a warning for Chicago and New York City. Gustav changed from an infant to a monster in just a few days. Fay wouldn’t die and hit landfall four times. This is shaping up to be an active and dangerous hurricane season. The reason reported is the open waters of the Atlantic Ocean are very warm causing tropical storms to draw and gain strength. Keep your duck feet crossed and your beaks toward the sky.

The quote from the Mighty Broaduck this month sounds like something from a two bit Western. “Death doesn’t scare me, it’s livin’ that has me worried.” Perhaps the Broaduck should be a storm chaser and delve into the devil’s eye of the hurricane.

His other profound, if not slightly perverse contribution this month is “The remote control is similar to the male duck’s tool. Unfortunately the misses only wants to hold one of them. (sick bastard.)

The song for the month is “Looking For The Summer” by Chris Rea. A melancholy tune that reflects the change of the light as the sun casts its shadow further south every day.

Remember, Pioneers took bullets, Settlers took land. Until next month,
Editor in Chief
MRBlueduck