June 2008 Blue Duck Weather News

June 2008 Weather News!

To celebrate the joys of summer, beginning with this weather report, we have included a totally depressing new feature; only here will you find the number of days the temperature met or exceeded one hundred and ten degrees! Ah, but your fine staff at Blue Duck Weather are always looking for new ideas and bold ways to present you the mind boggling weather events of our State, the United States and the world at large. Not only will we track the number of excessively hot days, we will include daytime averages which exceeded one hundred degrees! Yes that’s right; only here at Blue Duck Weather. As the days cool to a mild one hundred degrees we will also point out the number of days each month has. Hopefully this utterly depressing report will end by November.

We enjoyed a mild Spring with measurable rain in May. It did not start to get really hot until the second week in June. Our collective balls were scorched as black as your outdoor bbq charcoal with a jet blast of searing heat. You poor Bastards in the Phoenix Metro. area had fifteen consecutive days of one hundred and ten degrees or more. The Beloved Land had nine days, nonconsecutive. However, on June 23rd the average temperature at The Land for the day was one hundred and one degrees. The average number of days of one hundred and ten degrees for the entire summer are ten days. The record was thirty two days set last year.

The “new “ monsoon season began on June 15th and will end on September 30th. That’s right my fine readers, no lawsuits can be filed now by some “unknowing” motorist swept down a flooded wash. No longer can he/she rant and rave how she wasn’t warned and it is all the fault of the National Weather Service by God! Your humble staff at Blue Duck Weather will still use the tried and true thinker’s way of the beginning monsoon. We remain true to scientific reliability and not the winds of the current “Here you go, one size fits all, don’t sue my ass if a telephone pole falls on your car.”

The first day of summer brought a sight never witnessed by your fine Editor in Chief. I was squatted by my desk, window blinds open
, doing homework and research. I glanced out the window and saw a “dog” sitting in the shade of a huge mesquite tree not forty yards from my window. It did not look like one of my squatty, lazy ass dogs. The beast was long and with very pointy ears. Immediately I determined it was a coyote, hot enough and brave enough to get this close to the nest to cool off. I armed myself with a camera. Needless to say, he bolted, but I got a shot anyway.

The Big weather story of the month was and is the massive flooding in the Mid West. To be honest with you your faithful Editor in Chief could have worked on this story day and night. The reports coming in were nonstop. I have done my best to chronicle day to day events as they occurred. Some are calling the aftermath of the heavy rains the Katrina of the Mid West. Some four million acres, much of which was fertile farm land, were flooded. Cedar Rapids, Iowa was called the city that could not flood, pointing back more than a hundred years of surviving massive rain. The town was all but under water. As of this writing “The Big Muddy” is still moving its massive muddy overload south to the ocean. Saint Louis, Missouri was only spared due to levee breaches upstream.
With enough quacking about the general state of the weather let’s get right to the amazing weather facts for the month of June;

The average temperature the first of June on the Land was 84.50 degrees. The average last day of the month temperature was 92.50 degrees.

The beginning and end temperatures at Talking Trees and Antelope Hill was 64 degrees and 67.50 degrees.

The average humidity at The Land was 20.95 percent and the dew point was 40.83 degrees. No Sir, there is no sign of the monsoon season yet, contrary to popular media.

The average wind speed was 6.85mph. Note, this is the third windy month for the state, a result of the fronts moving to the north and east later causing havoc in the Mid West. These windy months are drying out the West to more than tinder conditions. The fires are already on a deadly increase, especially in California.

There was no rain for the month at The Land. However, on June 25th, RyDuck reported measurable rain in Gilbert. His ducklings were quacking and waddling joyously in the mud. The total rainfall for the year at The Land stands at 3.50 inches.

The big mud puddle totals are listed below. Please note on very good side that Powell is finally coming up. It is due to the heavy snow pack in the northern states this past winter; Lake Mead is at 44%, Powell is at 57%, Roosevelt holds its own at 96% and Pleasant 86%.

6-2. Fourth day of ozone pollution advisory in Phoenix; most consecutive days in three years. “Non indigenous “ (what a joke) ozone carried from Los Angeles due to jetstream.

6-3. Endangered Ca. Condors being found with lead poisoning. Lightning sparks fire in storage tank in Kanas City, Missouri. A month after cyclone one million in Myanmar not getting basic aid.

6-4. Tornado in N.E. Colorado. Heavy rain in Virginia, D.C., and Maryland. Thirty thousand without power and two killed.

6-5. 88 degree high in Phoenix! Twenty one tornados reported from Central Texas to Minnesota. Twenty two thousand acre wildfire burning in North Carolina, sparked by lightning. Evacuations taking place. One half billion pounds of fish caught daily from world oceans. The coveted tuna can bring one hundred thousand dollars.

6-6. One hundred degrees predicted for East Coast this weekend. Tornado touches down in Minnesota. Fifteen tornados spotted in the Mid West.

6-7. Red flag warning due to high winds in northern Arizona. Ten inches of rain in Indiana. Forty one counties declared disaster areas. Indianapolis has forty thousand residents without power. Lack of shelter latest concern for Myanmar cyclone victims.

6-8. MR Blueduck rescues Daddyduck by throwing a snake out of his house with gloved hands. (It was too dangerous to shoot in the house.) Lightning strike injures five at a park in Connecticut. Severe heat alert in New England; 12-25 degrees warmer than normal. Tornado in Nebraska. Herd of cattle trapped in Indiana floods. According to the International Red Cross tens of thousands of bodies from the Myanmar cyclone will never be identified.

6-9. Rivers in the South and Wisconsin have jumped their banks, states of emergencies in one hundred separate counties; ten dead. One third of Indiana flooded with ten thousand evacuated. Iowa River crests at record height. New heat records from South Carolina to New York. More UN helicopters delivering aid to Myanmar Delta that was cut off by typhoon.

6-10. One thousand acre brush fire near Sacramento, Ca. Injures firefighter and nine homes destroyed. Dam threatened by flood waters south of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. One hundred and fifty six miles of the Mississippi River closed to barge traffic due to flooding from Iowa to Missouri. Levee breaks in Illinois. Scientists discover monkeys in Indonesia that know how to fish. Caribean Monk seal becomes extinct. King snake found wrapped around infant leg in New York.

6-11. More rain in Iowa. Evacuations take place in Cedar Rapids. Tornado strikes Boy Scout camp in Iowa, killing five. Five separate fires in Ca. Fourteen hundred people evacuated in Santa Cruz, New Mexico fire. Deaths from East Coast heat wave reach seventeen. Two climbers rescued off Mount Rainer, third dies. Red flag warning in Northern Arizona, mid twenties for the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. Ten thousand pregnant women in urgent need of care after Myanmar typhoon.

6-12. Two major fires burn eight thousand acres and threaten homes in Northern California. Thirteen tornados spotted near Wichita, Kansas. High in Casper, Wyoming 56 degrees. High pollution advisory issued for Phoenix area.

6-13. Cedar Rapids hospital closes due to flooding, Police department relocates. Electric throughout city shut off. Railroad bridge collapses and homes completely submerged. Humboldt fire north of Sacramento, California ten percent contained at twenty thousand acres.

6-14. University of Iowa power plant shut down due to flooding. Des Moines River still hasn’t crested. Ozone pollution advisory in Phoenix.

6-15. NEW FIRST DAY OF MONSOON ACCORDING TO THE NEW STANDARDS AS SET FORTH BY THE NATIONAL WEAHTER SERVICE AND A BEAURACRAT NEAR YOU.
6-16. Missouri communities getting ready for flooding by the flood waters from the Big Muddy downstream of Iowa. Fifty seven killed in Southern China floods; one million expected to flee. White rhinos on brink of extinctions. The record in the Valley of the Sun was 115 degrees in 1974. The record low was 54 degrees in 1907.

6-17. Twenty nine county disasters declared in Iowa. So far forty thousand people have been displaced by Midwest flooding. Levee breached in Gulf Port, Illinois. Flood waters are toxic with diesel, pesticides and raw sewage. One million tons of barge traffic blocked daily, corn and grain not moving. St. Louis worries about record flooding. Flood of 2008 will go down as worst ever. Scores of Panda bears survive China earthquake as Panda Reserve was near the center of the quake. There are only sixteen hundred Pandas left in the world. Study finds that chimps console one another with kisses and hugs. Early signs of monsoon moisture in Gulf of Mexico.

6-18. Twenty two levees in Iowa, Missouri and Illinois breached. President Bush asks for 1.8 billion dollars as disaster relief. “The Big Muddy is foul and fierce.” Iowa pigs who swam through flood waters are shot to protect levee. Sixth anniversary of Rodeo-Chediski fire; four hundred and sixty thousand acres burned puts it as the largest fire in Arizona history. Eighty eight degree record high low in Phoenix. New Mexico beginning to get thunderstorms. Bear wanders into Indiana McDonalds.

6-19. Thirty more levees threatened and sixty thousand acres flooded in Missouri; two billion dollars in crops lost. 120 degrees in Death Valley, California. 117 degrees in Parker, Arizona.

6-20. First day of summer; seven days in a row of 110 degrees or warmer in Phoenix. Five hundred acre fire burning near Oakland, Ca. Highway 1 closed, six homes burned and two thousand people evacuated. Five foot long alligator found in Chicago River, probably a discarded “pet”.

6-21. 115 degree record set in Phoenix today.

6-22. Lightning has sparked five hundred fires in Northern California. Six hundred acres burning in the Catalina Mountains near Tucson. Mississippi River continues to rise but worst may be over. Seventy thousand acres in Lincoln, Missouri under water. Cleanup continues in Rapids City, Iowa. One hundred and thirty seven people killed in Phillipine typhoon, seven hundred and forty missing as ferry capsizes.

6-23. Tenth day of one hundred and ten degrees or above in Phoenix. Two fires burning near Tucson. City of Phoenix considering requiring seventy five percent of all sidewalks to be shaded. (Editor’s note; this is a fine, dandy idea. If they wouldn’t have cut down the trees to place the sidewalks they wouldn’t have to worry about it. What a novel idea!) Canadians want to allow Polar Bear sport hunting.

6-24. Central Californians evacuated from fires. The Big Muddy has yet to crest in Mississippi. Head NASA scientist warns Congressional committee of more oil drilling and use. He also says to dump coal power. We are at the verge of not recovering the world’s climate due to fossil fuel emissions.

6-25. Lightning sparked fire burning in Avondale, Arizona, threatening homes and evacuations on the Gila Indian reservation. Rincon fire near Tucson up to thirty five hundred acres. Fifteen hundred acres burning in Apache Sitgraves Forest. Dust storm warning in Phoenix. White Tank fire south of Tucson at seven thousand acres. Five hundred homes in Big Sur, California threatened by fire. Seven inches of rain in Missouri in four hours. The record high in Phoenix was one hundred and twenty degrees in 1990.

6-26. All time record high in Phoenix 122 degrees in 1990. Flights cancelled due to extreme heat. Ethan fire in Avondale up to twenty four hundred acres. Severe thunderstorm warning issued for Tucson.

6-27. Ethan fire down to twelve hundred acres. Fire near Big Sur has grown to fifty thousand acres. One thousand fires burning in California. Burrowing muskrats cause levee to break in Missouri, three thousand acres flooded.

6-28. President Bush declares a State of Emergency in California. Two hundred and fifty thousand acres have burned in Northern California. Drought in California worst in a hundred years. Ethan fire in Avondale blows up to fifty four hundred acres after firefighters thought they had the upper hand. Levee breaks in Winfield, Missouri; hundreds of homes in four feet of water. Parts of Omaha Nebraska may be without power for a week after storm blows through. North Pole could be ice free this summer, the first time in recorded history.

6-29. Crown King fire in Arizona breaks out, forcing evacuations of the tiny town in the Bradshaw Mountains. It is up to four hundred acres and thought to be caused by lost hikers starting a signal fire. Ethan fire sixty five percent contained. Severe thunderstorm warnings in Safford, Arizona with sixty five mph winds. Alaskan bicycle rider attacked by Grizzly sow while she was on a twenty four hour competitive ride near Choogach National Forest.

6-30. Lane 2 fire near Crown King up to four thousand acres. Several homes burned and power shut off to town. Fifteenth straight day of one hundred and ten degrees or higher in Phoenix. Five year old killed when strong winds blow over air-show tents in Huntsville, Alabama.

As your fine Editor in Chief compiled this month’s weather news it occurred to him that the fires in California was every bit as devastating as the flooding in the Midwest, even more so. Land can recover quickly from flooding if it is not turned into a infertile dump site by chemicals. The economic loss of crops is devastating but the perspective here is purely for the land’s sake. Fire damage takes years and years to repair. It is a mute point however because both are the forces of nature by what we have little or no control over.

You saw brief accounts of last month’s Myanmar tragedy still trickling through the news report. Understandably the tragedies in the United States took front center. No matter how you view it the forces of Nature here or around the world are uncontrollable. Our only hope is the damage and loss is minimal.

The Mighty Broaduck has two sensitive, intelligent and thought provoking quotes to add to your reading pleasure this month. “There are moments in life that are special because of what they are and who they are shared with; however these same moments can be just as special alone and experienced with one’s own mind.” Here is the other deep quote; “The most important purchase a married duck can make is a big comfortable couch, because inevitably, you will be sleeping on it over the course of your marriage. So just because you’re in the doghouse with the misses doesn’t mean you have to be uncomfortable.”

The song of the month is “Dire Wolf” by the Grateful Dead. Find it because it is pertinent.

Thank you for making this weather journal the success it isn’t. Hurry and place your order for a BlueDuck Weather News T-shirt. They are free while supplies don’t exist.

Remember, Pioneers took bullets. Settlers took land.
MR BlueDuck

Edtor in Chief

MAY Blue Duck Weather News

May Weather News, 2008!


You know, I have had a great deal of fun presenting you the weather news each month. I hope I have made some of you laugh and I hope some of the weather geeks out there have appreciated the updates and incredible phenomena of weather. However, I feel it is only right to take pause and recognize a terrible weather event which happened earlier this month; The Myanmar cyclone. If there was a world flag it should be flying at half mast.

The International Red Cross estimates up to one hundred and twenty eight thousand people have died or will perish from the aftermath of the cyclone; the immediate hit of the massive storm which wiped out entire communities without a trace, now famine and disease from contaminated water.

Not too long after an earthquake in China has claimed sixty thousand lives. Since this is a weather journal it is worthy to take note of the China disaster relating to the total loss of lives in a single month due to natural events. Although an earthquake is not weather related it is one of the most massive and destructive natural events known to humankind

I feel the loss a half a planet away. My connection is weather and the natural order on the planet we reside on. But sometimes the order seems so unnatural. How can upwards of two hundred thousand people die in a matter of weeks and assuredly the upcoming months? Where was God? I am sure many of these poor souls prayed for their salvation. But they experienced an Armageddon as terrifying and final as the one promised in the Scriptures.

So I came to a conclusion I have long suspected. By writing this weather journal and witnessing third hand catastrophic events the connection is clear to me. God does not fit into our neat packaging of religion and expectations. God is everything from the ant to the sun and all things in between. All we have to do is look around us at the NATURAL ORDER and all of it’s relationships between all living and nonliving things. The dilemma with humans is when the natural order represents chaos and suffering. It just doesn't matter in the universal scheme.

If I piss into an ant hole or sprinkle pesticide into it I am an eco-terrorist and a murderer. When I save a drowning bee from a swimming pool (an ocean to that tiny creature) I am a God. I am neither. I am part of a natural order as I perceive it and as I fit in. It was bad luck for the ant hole and good luck (a prayer answered) for the bee. I was simply in the right place at the right or wrong time. There is a germ of God in all of us, as the same with all living and nonliving things on this planet. So when a prayer is answered by God it is answered by us. The conduit is a whole lot of hope, determination and the most important woman of all, Lady Luck. God is busy preserving the NATURAL ORDER of the universe. His hands are full.

Your faithful Editor in Chief will now waddle down from his soapbox with muddy webbed feet to give you all of the amazing weather facts for the month of May. The third week of May was like nothing I have ever seen in the beloved State of Arizona. Our first one hundred degree day of the season was one hundred and five degrees, the second day was one hundred and ten degrees. We usually get three or four weeks to ease into hell from one hundred to one hundred and ten. By the end of the week there was snow in the high country, the high was lower than the low on The Land and we received 1.74 inches of rain!

May is the second driest month of the year normally. Fire restrictions placed that week were already lifted by snow and rain. I chuckled as the Memorial Day weekend was upon us. Bikinis and ice chests were replaced by Under Armor and hot coffee, hot tea and hot toddies! With that said let’s get right to the mind boggling weather events of May in this State and around the world!

The average temperature on The Land at the beginning of the month was 69.50 degrees. The average temperature at the end of the month was 83.50 degrees. For Talking Trees and Antelope Hill it was 39 degrees and 62.50 degrees.

The average temperature for the month of May for The Land was 77 degrees. The average temperature at 7400 feet in Mew Mexico was 52.53 degrees.

The average humidity at The Land was 25.87 percent and the dew point was 31.56 degrees (comparatively very close to each other.)

It was another windy month with an average wind velocity of 14.93 mph. There were actually two wind chill recordings in the month of May!

The total rainfall for the year at The Land is 3.50 inches. 1.74 inches fell in May, an extreme rarity.

Lake Mead is at 45 percent capacity. Powell is 48 percent full. Lake Pleasant is at 88 percent and Roosevelt 97 percent.

5-1. Three “campers” from Texas arrested for starting the X fire near the Grand Canyon. The fire has burned two thousand acres and is sixty percent contained. The record in Phoenix was 103 degrees in 1985 and the low was 42 degrees in 1915.

5-2. Twenty five twisters tear through Arkansas killing seven, Kansas City, Missouri also hit. A roof was torn off of a Carl’s Jr. restaurant; employee jokes about it becoming an open air eating establishment. Baby birds babble away like human babies before they master the their song according to scientist. The record high in the Valley was 107 degrees in 1947 and the record low was 40 degrees in 198

5-3. From Missouri to Arkansas worst tornado season in recent memory. Some wind gusts recorded at one hundred and fifty mph. There have been seven hundred and eight tornadoes so far this year, two hundred more than ’07. Twenty six people have died this year in Arkansas, Dusk to dawn curfew in some cities to prevent looting.

New Mexico wildfire has burned sixty homes.

Major Arctic sea ice melt expected this summer.

5-5. Early reports from Myanmar (once Burma) kills four thousand, tens of thousands homeless. Laura Bush pleads to give UN aid. Ten tornadoes confirmed in Arkansas over the past weekend, seven killed. Fire restriction in place on the Navajo reservation. Federal officials brace for wildfire season in Yuma. “Voz” (volcanic ash and smog) kills plants.

You read it here first! Fifty four cases of rabies reported in Arizona this year. It may set a new record. Protected Sea lion found shot to death below the Columbia dam where they feed on salmon. Scientists in Idaho hope beak prothesis will replace eagle’s gunshot one.

5-6. Twenty two thousand feared dead and forty thousand missing in Myanmar; millions are homeless. UNICEF requests permission to help. Tonto National Forest restrictions go into effect this week. Spring time at the land with two quail escorting twenty six chicks.

Snow at the Snow bowl and lightening strikes reported in Casa Grande. Crews build dam larger than Manhattan to force water to the parched Everglades.

5-7. Twenty two acres burn in Kaibab from thunderstorms yesterday. Cyclone devastated Myanmar rice crops.

Sea lion deaths in the North West remain a mystery; not killed by guns as previously reported.

5-8. A million and a half people are homeless in Myanmar. Malaria and chronic diarrhea happening to the inflicted. UN and US transport planes with food and medicine waiting in Thailand for clearance from Myanmar government. So far only one plane allowed into the country.

Tornadoes in Mississippi and Alabama. Twenty four twisters reported in the Central Plains. Honey bee deaths up due to mysterious colony collapses.

5-9. Secret Service saves family of ducks from waddling to close to the west wing of the White House. The ducks were lost due to heavy rain. Swat teams escort them back to grassy area.

Man who lost two homes in hurricane Katrina claims ninety seven million dollar power ball.

Heavy rain in already devastated Myanmar.

Arizona state land fire restrictions go into place next week. Oldest gorilla in captivity celebrates 55th birthday (with a smoke and a beer!)

5-10. Twenty two tornadoes spotted in Texas and Arkansas. The record high in the Valley was 111 degrees in 1934 and the record low was 46 degrees in 1930.

5-11. President Bush speaks to homeless from tornadoes in the Midwest. Twenty three die as twisters hit Missouri, Georgia and Oklahoma. Myanmar death toll up to sixty thousand people.

5-12. F4 storm hits Oklahoma, worst in ten years. Two hundred mph winds reported. Twenty acre wildfire burning in northern Arizona. Solano fire is burning south of Kitt Peak in Tucson. Hundreds of residents evacuated as wildfires burn. FEMA and the EPA visit storm ravaged Oklahoma. Mid Atlantic storm floods homes and highways. More than a third of twister related deaths occur in cars; people think they are safe in a vehicle.

5-13. Today is the first average one hundred degrees in Phoenix; so far none this year. Four inches of snow in Flagstaff.

Panda preserve in China safe the day after major earthquake.

One hundred and sixty homes burn in Florida. Arson is the cause and one man is arrested.

5-14. Polar bear population has increased from twenty five hundred in the nineteen seventies to 25000 today. However the bear is placed on the endangered species list due to shrinking sea ice.

Invading ants in Houston shorting out electrical equipment and computers.

The Red Cross estimated one hundred and twenty eight thousand dead in Myanmar. Heavy rains hit the Myanmar Delta.

5-15. Major dust storm at The Land and the year’s first Ha boob reported with fifty mph wind gusts reported.

Storms flooding the South and kills one in Louisiana. EL Nino wind patterns may have helped Magellan cross the ocean five hundred years ago. The high today in San Francisco was ninety three degrees. The normal high is sixty seven.

5-16. Brush fire in Chino Hills, Ca. Pacific North West twenty to thirty degrees above normal. One hundred degree temperature reported in Oregon and makes a new record for this date.

5-17. Three separate coyote attacks on children reported on California playgrounds.

Flagstaff calls off July 4th firework display due to dry conditions.

5-18. Official death count in Myanmar seventy eight thousand folks; thousand are facing death from starvation. One hundred and five degrees reported in Phoenix. The last one hundred degree day was eight months ago. Yuma had a record high of one hundred and thirteen degrees.

5-19. New Valley temperature record of one hundred and ten degrees. This is the first time in recorded history that back-to-back days of the first one hundred hit one hundred and five degrees and one hundred and ten degrees. High ozone pollution advisory issued for Phoenix.

Eighty eight separate fires burning in Florida.

Jump in hurricanes not due to global warming study proclaims.

Mountain lion seriously injures boy on New Mexico trail.

5-20. One hundred and eight degree Phoenix record today. High ozone pollution advisory issued.

5-21. Wind topples wall under construction at Fiesta Mall in Mesa, AZ.

Alaska is suing the Federal Government for placing the Polar bear on the endangered list.

5-22. Fifty degrees cooler than three days ago at The Land. The high was fifty nine degrees! Lightning and rain and the Apace Sitgraves Forest lifts fire restrictions. Snow advisory issued for Flagstaff. A high wind advisory is posted for SE Arizona.

Mount Graham fire at three thousand acres and the Swift Trail is closed. Summer cabins and Columbine is closed. Fire caused by “controlled burn” out of control.

Two and a half inches of snow reported in Pinetop. Six to twelve inches of snow expected at elevations above eight thousand feet. Wildfire in Santa Cruz, California. Tornado kills one in Windsor, Colorado.

5-23. Yesterday’s tornado in Colorado listed as a Category 4 and two miles wide. Sixty homes destroyed with a thirty five mile path of destruction.

Arizona snow records for May; Flagstaff, four inches; Sunrise, twelve inches and Pinetop seven inches. Snow advisory issued in Arizona above six thousand feet.

Rain snuffs out Mount Graham Fire!!!!

5-24. Tornado touches ground near Hemess, Oklahoma. State of Emergency declared in Santa Cruz, California fire; thirty four hundred acres torched.

A shark wounds a surfer in the Pacific Ocean.

5-25. Severe weather from Canada to Texas. More twisters batter the Mid West. Pig farm destroyed but forty five hundred pigs survive! One hundred and twenty tornadoes reported in last seventy two hours. Eighteen hundred tornadoes are estimated before the season is over.

5-26. Deadly twister in Parkersburgh, Iowa; Kansas and Oklahoma are also hit with seven people dead. Santa Cruz fire in California has consumed one hundred homes.

5-27. Tornado in Iowa yesterday reported the strongest one in thirty two years.

5-28. Tornado watch in north east New Mexico. The record high in Phoenix was one hundred and thirteen degrees in 1984. The record low was fifty degrees in 1929.

5-29. Severe weather in Central Plains with two dozen tornadoes reported.

5-30. Ten more tornadoes in Illinois and Missouri.

High Ozone pollution advisory issued for Phoenix.

5-31. A ten foot, four hundred and fifty pound shark jumps into a fishing boat in South Africa. Fortunately it jumped out, becoming the one “that got away.”

The record high in Phoenix was one hundred and nine degrees in 2001. The record low was fifty four degrees in 1918.

The quote of the month from the Mighty Broaduck is a timely one indeed. “A super hero to me is someone that inspires you and motivates you to be a better person and strive to achieve more out of life ; not a man in tights. You may find more than one in life that all lead to who you are.”

Yes, my fine feathered friends, we need more super heroes in this time of a wall of water, the ground cracking and shaking, and the wild devil winds in America. I have been thinking about the world flag at half mast and what color it should be; blood red.

The songs of the month go out to all impacted by the weather; a traditional bluegrass gospel song, “One fine morning when this life is over I’ll fly Away” and “Texas Flood” By Stevie Ray Vaughan.

Remember, Pioneers took bullets; Settlers took land.

MR Blueduck

Editor and Chief

Blue Duck Weather APRIL 2008

Your fine Editor in Chief had no intention to play upon the worn out words of "April Fool's Day", no sir. Not until I received the contribution for this month's weather journal from the Mighty Broaduck himself. If his fine feathered mate reads his "deep and profound" message I doubt if Broaduck will ever get a peck (or a poke) again. He is indeed, the biggest April Fool I have ever met.

April was dry and windy; so dry the desert set a record for low humidity and dew points. Some days were in the single digits. Sadly with these conditions comes the fire season. There were several reports in April of fires in the West, including this beloved state of Arizona. As cold fronts pass to the north of thist state, eventually wreaking havoc in the Midwest and South we are left with windy, dry weather. Fortunately this keeps temperatures down. The Land did not experience the first ninety degree temperature of the season until April 13th. As of this writing there have been no one hundred degree days.

The beginning of the month saw an average temperature on The Land of 69.88 degrees. The end of the month reading was 80.50 degrees. Talking Trees and Antelope Hill recorded 48 degrees and 53 degrees at the end of the month.

The average humidity at The Land was 17.75 percent. The dewpoint was 18.59 degrees. Dry as a proverbial bone in the sun baked desert.

The average wind speed was 6.92 mph. There were five recorded wind chills in the month of April.

Again, for another month there was no rainfall at all in the desert. The last rain at The Land was on February 17th. The total for the year stands at just 1.36 inches.

4-1. Funnel clouds in Texas cause serious damage. Snow in Wisconsin and Minnesota. Thirty mph winds in northern Arizona.

4-2. Changing climate among NATO's latest security concerns. Forty mph winds in Showlow.

4-3. Six inches of rain in Kentucky. Twisters in Arkansas and Missouri. Thousands without power. Rain for two days in Mephis. Rain as far north as New England. Skunk found infected with rabies in Pinal County, 6th this year. Active fire season predicted for Arizona this year, as bad as 2005. Local news weather temperature predictions daily have a five degree spread. This is due to rising temperatures in Phoenix vs. the open deserts.

4-5. Nevada flooding prompts experts to research canal stability in the West. Snow in Montana. Thousands of dead birds floating up on the banks of the Great Salt Lake. Four to seven inches of snow in Minnesota. Trout in the desert as fifteen hundred rainbow trout are released into the lower Salt River. With a water temperature of 54 degrees stocking will take place every two weeks until mid June.

4-6. First snake spotting at The Land by Beck Peck! Six foot bull snake guaranteed to scare all!

4-7. Two million tons of sand transported in last month's man made Grand Canyon flood below Glen Canyon dam. New beaches are created. Scientists removing Mohave Desert tortoises to make way for expanding military activity. The high was 81 degrees in Phoenix today. The record high was 104 degrees in 1989.

4-8. Red flag warning issued in Mohave County. Air particulate advisory issued today and tomorrow for metro Phoenix area. Wind gusts up to thirty five mph. The record high was 104 degrees in 1989. The record low was 39 degrees in 1929. No measurable rain in 44 days. Fierce flooding in Peru. Damage to three hundred homes and two schools.

4-9. Winslow winds recorded at fifty four mph.

4-10.Flash flooding in Arkansas. Twelve twisters in the past week. Golf ball size hail. Record releases from dams on the White Rver to protect them from collapsing. Storms close two hundred roads in Missouri. Parts of Texas damaged by flooding. Blizzard warnings posted in Bismark, North Dakota with 45mph winds. The record high in Phoenix was 100 degrees in 1989. The record low was 35 degrees in 1922.

4-11. Up to two feet of snow in Minnesota and Wisconsin. Wildfires in Texas consume five thousand acres.

4-12. Record high in the Valley of the Sun was 99 degrees in 1936. The record low was 40 degrees in 1967.

4-13. 101 degrees in Yuma. First ninety degree day in Phoenix since last November. The record high was 99 degrees in '02. The record low was 39 degrees in 1927.

4-14. Severe flooding in portions of Washington state. "Cars swept away like paper." Flood debris twelve feet above some roadways. Red flag warning issued for entire state of Arizona. A red flag warning is defined as three consecutive hours of wind speeds over twenty mph with single digit humidity. 40-50 mph winds in portions of state. The record high on this date was 103 in 1925 and a 40 degree low in 1945.

4-15. Six die, one rescued in raging New Zealand rivers. Wild bear killed on Swiss Government orders after losing fear of humans. Three percent humidity with a dew point of one degree in most of Arizona. Red flag warning still in effect. Showlow winds peak at 50mph.

4-16. Three seperate wildfires in Colorado fueled by wind. One has grown to one thousand acres. Three killed. Twenty five degrees in Denver with snow. The high there yesterday was in the mid seventies. Man in Texas pulled over for an illegal u-turn. A six foot live alligator was found in the back seat. Man said he was taking 'gator to a friend's pond. Man arrested for insanity. Peak wind gusts in Phoenix 40mph. The record high was 104 degrees in 1984 and 40 degrees was the low in 1924.

4-17. Eleven degrees at the Grand Canyon. Twenty degrees cooler in Phoenix than three days ago. New Mexico Govenor threatens to fight Gila River diversion. Gila placed on endangered river list. Wildfire in West Texas burns four homes. Heavy flooding in Wisconsin. Temperatures in Asia raised world land temperatures ot record levels. Decision to be made in ten weeks if polar bears receive Federal protection. Barbary apes to be killed after harassing tourists. Same temperature today in Phoenix and Albany, New York. The record high in Phoenix was 100 degrees in 1987. The record low was 38 degrees in 1924.

4-18. Typhoon weakens as it hits the Coast of China. Much drier in Arizona deserts than twenty years ago. Desert fires were almost unheard of. Non native grasses are the cause. Red flag warning posted for Northern Arizona.

4-19. Wildfire in SE Arizona along Mexico border. Toddler in critical condition as high winds blow stroller in Lake Michigan. Ten inches of snow in western Washington. Asian Typhoon slams Hong Kong.

4-20. Alamo fire in SE Arizona reaches four thousand acres and burning on both sides of border. Human caused. Tornado in N. Carolina. Moose heards in NW Minnesota dwindle from four thousand in 1984 to one hundred in 2008. Scientists blame global warming. Locals believe it is a natural trend. 105 degrees was the record high in Phx. in 1989. The record low was 38 in 1933.

4-21. Alamo fire up to five thousand acres. Forty percent contained. "Trained'' Grizzly kills trainer in California. Scientists are studying haze from melting ice in North Alaska.Scientists say link between smog and premature deaths. ( You think? What a brilliant fucking conclusion.) TODAY IS EARTH DAY! HAYDUKE LIVES!

4-22. Snow advisory for Sierra Nevada and Cascades. Snow levels down to 4500 ft.

4-23. Second high pollution advisory issued for Phoenix this week. High winds and particulates (dust) to blame.

4-24. Balding penguin with wet suit gets back into the swim of things. ( I swear, I don't make this shit up.) Hazy skies in Anchorage from fires is Russia and sandstorms in Angolla. Study says humans may have faced near extinction from drought seventy thousand years ago. Officials say Oregon sea lions can be trapped but not killed.(?)

4-25. Fatal shark attack in San Diego. Man was swimming with group in triatholon. Eight miles of beaches closed. Speculation of a Great White. Brush fire in Florida burns eighty acres and people forced from their homes. Scientists say New Zealand glacier shrinking at alarming rate. DNA from dinasours links to modern day chickens.(That must include ducks!.) Winter storm warnings for Minnesota, S. Dakota and Michigan.

4-26. Eagle fire in Apache Sitgraves Forest is at 2500 acres and seventy five percent contained. Beehive fire near Mexico border. Fire watch for south and south east part of Arizona. Wind gusts up to thrity five mph. San Diego beaches still closed for shark hunt. "Vog" over Hawaii, a combination of volcanic ash and fog. (You read it first here at Blue Duck Weather News!) Up to fifteen inches of snow and heavy winds in Minnesota. The record high in Phoenix was 101 degrees in 1992 and the record low was 42 degrees in 1984.

4-27. Hundreds of residents flee from fire in the foothills East of Los Angeles. Record low humidity in Phoenix of 2% with a dewpoint of 7 degrees. The record high was 104 degrees in 1992. The record low was 40 degrees in 1975.

4-28. S.E. Az. fire conditions worst in twenty five years. Dry fuel conditions usually typical of June. Fire ban coming soon for Arizona County parks. Severe storms in Virginia kill one. Three tornados spotted in S.W. Virgina. Golf ball diver in Florida fights with alligator. Congo gorillas being killed off by poachers, war and logging. Record high in the desert was 104 degrees in 1992 and 45 degrees in 1898.

4-29. National Weather Service reports six seperate tornados touched down in Virginia yesterday. "Super Cells" left a twenty three mile path of destruction. No deaths were reported but Govenor reports "state of emergency." Fire watch issued for the Valley of the Sun. X fire burning N.W. of Flagstaff. Fifteen hundred acres consumed. State wide humidity in single digits. Record high 105 degrees in 1992. Record low 43 degrees in 1970. One thousand pound squid corpse found.

4-30. Wildfire near Grand Canyon sixty percent contained. Abandoned campfire blamed and three Texans arrested. St. John's River flooding in Maine, chasing residents from their homes. San Francisco tourist killed by Gray shark while surfing in Mexico. More grizzlies found in Anchorage than earlier thought.

As this amazing weather journal concludes I hope you have noticed an unannounced inclusion of valley record highs and lows. Your amazing staff at Blue Duck Weather will continue to include them on random days of the month. Our desire is to show you, as pointed out many times by your brilliant Editor in Chief, the record lows happened at a much earlier date in history than the record highs of the last twenty years. For whatever reason the low temperatures are creeping upward and actually have a more dramatic impact on ''average" temperatures than the high readings.

So, as promised or threatened, i will leave you with the Fool's quote of the month submitted by the Mighty Broaduck. "It's Spring time and love is in the air so here are a few things to help ducks get through another year. (He wrote people but I have free editing rights.) 1. Never tell your wife she kisses better than her sister. Although it is a compliment it is a gauranteed way to end up on the couch for the evening. 2. When your wife refers to her younger years neve chime in with "Oh, you mean when you were fun?" 3. And lastly, if you are ever asked if something makes her look heavy it is best to fake a seizure and fall to the floor." And you wonder why he is paid so poorly? At this rate he won't get a roll of toilet paper, let alone the fantastic t-shirts coming by the beautiful Mrs. Blueduck.

There are two songs for this month, both composed by a brilliant black duck by the name of James Marshall Hendrix; "The Wind Crys Mary" and "Let Me Stand Next To Your Fire."

Blue Duck Weather News - March 2008

Spring is the time for chicks, (I mean chickens) and ducks. Mrs. Blueduck celebrated a birthday and what a fitting month to have a birthday indeed! The lovely Mrs. Blueduck has been waddling around in circles with me for years. Without her tireless patience (with me) this brilliant publication would not be possible. I owe all of my success and (in)sanity to her!

We also have fantastic news for you in this special edition. With the heavy snow pack in the north Lake Powell is expected to raise a whopping fifty feet by June. We will monitor this very closely with our eyes in the sky above the lake.

Not only does Blue Duck Weather News strive to keep you informed, but beginning with this edition, entertained. This fabulous journalistic masterpiece will also bring stories about wild animals and their behaviour. After all weather has a huge impact on animals while animals have no impact on weather. No, we will not be writing about domestic hairball puking, stinking shit on your chair cats or ass dragging runny butt throwing up dogs.

Beginning with this feature we will also report what the average temperature was at the beginning of the month and at the end of the month. With summer approaching you will have no excuse to say one day "When did it get so fucking hot, why the hell do I put up with this every year?" With our brilliant technology and up to the date reporting you will have plenty of advance notice to get ready for your misery. With that said, let's get right to the facts.

The average temperature at the beginning of March on The Land was 62.50 degrees. The average temperature at the end of the month was 64.50 degrees. Don't breath a sigh of relief, the month finished ten degrees below normal. The average temperature at seventy four hundred feet at Talking Trees and Antelope Hill was 29.50 degrees at the beginning of the month. By the end of the month is was 41 degrees.

The average humidity on the Land was 27.20 percent. The average dew point was 23.11 degrees. The average wind speed was 4.43 mph with five wind chill recordings for the month. Please note, March is not the windy month in Arizona, April is with an average wind speed of 7.50 mph.

March at The Land produced no rain and we stand at 1.36 inches for the year.

To see if the Large mud puddles are beginning to rise we took samplings of lake levels in January as compared to March. In January Lake Mead was forty seven percent full as compared to forty eight percent now. Powell actually dropped from forty five to forty four percent (the water better start flowing!.) Roosevelt Lake is at ninety five percent compared to January at sixty two percent. Pleasant is ninety two percent full as opposed to seventy one percent in January.

3-1. Planned Grand Canyon river surge below Lake Powell worries raft guides. Severe sand storms in China force people to be outside with scarves over their faces. ("The best cowboys have Chinese eyes.") Study shows bacteria common in snow found in France, the Yukon and Montana. Wind advisory for Yuma, Cochise and Graham County from eight a.m. to eight p.m. Snow in New England with wind gusts up to 45mph.

3-2. Drought and growth have West looking for new ways to build mammoth dams. Massive flooding in Hamburg, Germany. Red flag warnings for Maricopa, LaPaz and Yuma counties. In NW Pinal County winds gusts up to 45mph.

3-3. Sweden has warmest winter in one hundred years.

3-4. Ten inches of snow in St. Louis. Twister in Bowie, Tx. and two reported in Oaklahoma.

3-5. Man made flood unleashed below Lake Powel. Meant to scour beaches and improve habitat for fish. Forty one thousand cubic feet per second released! Three hundred thousand gallons of water per minute! Third time Canyon has been flooded since 1996. Eleven degree low at the North Rim of the Grand Canyon.

3-6. World's largest telescope in full operation on Mnt. Graham. At a cost of twenty million dollars it is more powerful than the Hubbell telescope. Two headed lizard hatches in North Carolina!

3-7. Feds offer solutions to rescue sea lion decline. Commercial fishing cited as main cause. Land developer sets land aside to protect eagles. Golfer accused of shooting twenty to thirty balls at a hawk, blinding it in one eye. Charges filed for animal cruelty. Snow showers above sixty five hundred feet in Az. Rain and snow in Boston and New York.

3-8. Dam gates prepare to close as Glen Canyon flood ends. A foot of snow in Ohio and Tn. Icy roads in West Virginia. Blizzards in Kentucky. Snow as far south as Alabama. Flood watches in Maine.

3-9. Mountain lion attacks boy near Seven Springs near the Verde River. Uncle shoots lion and boy has minor injuries. Lion tested and had rabies. Severe storms cancel thousands of duck flights in Midwest. Columbus, Ohio receives twenty inches of snow, Pittsburgh eight inches.

3-10. YOU READ IT FIRST HERE MONTHS AGO; National Weather Service announces that the official monsoon season will begin June 15th and end September 30th. Your fine staff will report the official beginning and end the scientific and precise way. We will not be reduced to simple thinking and the cya mentality of the media, and obviously now, the Weather Service. Strong winter storm in Great Britain. 80mph winds close ports along coast. Tornados reported in Texas.

3-11. National Weather Service reports that winter's above average snow and rain not '' a drop in the bucket" to affect the drought. It would take three consecutive years of above averape percipitation to get us out of the drought.

3-12. ''Valley of the Sun" ten degrees above normal.

3-13. Snowbowl to remain open through mid April with a base of eight feet. The Peaks have received nineteen feet of snow this winter season. Dolphins appear to guide stranded whales out to sea in New Zealand. Grand Canyon flood delivered football field size of sediment along beaches, critical to wildlife balance. Wind advisory issued for NE Az. with gusts up to 50mph. Snow advisory in Sierra Nevada.

3-14. Salmon collapse in Calfornia could lead to fishing ban. Scientists are perplexed as to the cause. Wind advisory for entire State of Az. Snow level expected to drop to four thousand feet.

3-16. Whiteout conditions in Flagstaff. Two killed and thirty injured in pileup on I-40. Freeway closed for twenty four hours. I-17 south of Flagstaff may close. Snow advisory until noon tomorrow.

3-17. I-40 reopened. One hundred and forty accidents, fifty injuries and two deaths. Driving too fast for the road conditions was the main cause. Valley temperatures ten degrees below normal and twenty degrees cooler than last week. Tornado causes damage in Atlanta. Broken glass a concern for people returning to work. Work begins to repair flood damage in Sabino Canyon from winter storms. Snow on ground in Kingman and Sedona.

3-18. Heavy flooding from Texas to Ohio. Bald Eagle being reinstated on endangered list per court order. Applies to northern Az. Two killed by flooding in Miss. Tornado warnings in Dallas. Evacuations in Houston with three hour flight delays. Storm converts to snow in New England. 5.5 inches of rain in twenty four hours in Springfield, Oho. Workers removing truckloads of contaminated mud and dismantling dam in Montana. (?)

3-19. Spring begins at 10:49 p.m. in Az. Ten inches of rain in Texas, Arkansas and Oklahoma. National Guard activated for rescues in Missourri. Floods block highways and cause hundreds to flee. WOUNDED DUCK CAPTURED IN LAKE IN TEMPE AND IS REHABILITATING! Tornado in Corpus Christi, Texas. New sea ice builds in Artic. (Happy Birthday to our duckling)

3-20. Skies clearing but waters rising in Midwest. Seventy Missourri counties declared disaster areas. Worst flooding since 1992. Twelve inches of rain in SW Missourri in two days. Florida boater collides with seventy five pound jumping stingray. Dies from massive face and head injuries, not barb. Sri Lanka heavy rains cause seven thousand evacuations. People waiting on rooftops waiting to be rescued. Ducks are doing fine. Thousand acre wildfire near Bisbee started by man pouring gasoline on a pile of dead tree limbs. Thirty seven homes threatened. One hundred and thirty people evacuated. Fire is ten percent contained. Snow cancels hundreds of flights in Chicago. Spring snow in W. Germany reaks havoc. SRP cuts releases into Salt River. Ten degrees above normal in the Valley. Pope proceeding over rain soaked Good Friday in Rome.

3-22. Highway 87 closed due to landslide in both directions twenty miles north of the Saguaro Lake turnoff. Brush fire in El Mirage in south valley. Bisbee fire almost fully contained. Charges being filed against man who started it. Missouri river expected to crest at 44', 24' above flood stage.

2-23. El Mirage fire stubborn; four percent humidity with a dewpoint of zero. Ten degrees above normal. Seventeen deaths from floods in Midwest. Flood warning remains in affect for fourteen states. Valley Park, Missouri hit hardest with two hundred homes flooded in one neighborhood. It is being called a "once in a generation flood''. We have not had a ninety degree day since November 8th, 2007.

3-24. Two hundred acre fire near El Mirage eighty five percent contained. Human caused. Record 96 degrees in Yuma. Highway 87 remains closed as landslide being cleared. This time last year we already had six days of ninety degrees or above. No nineties yet in the Valley.

3-26. Feds consider putting seals in Alaska on endangered list due to receding ice. Earliest date ever for one hundred degrees in the Valley was 1988.

3-27. 87 reopened after a week of cleaning and repairing the highway. Arkansas floods ruin wheat crops. Four tornados in Missouri and Oklahoma.

3-28. Numbers show that the Valley of the Sun has heated 2.5 degrees in five years. Pollution and heat island blames. Javelina expand more into northern part of Az. because of warmer desert climate.

3-29. Northern Rocky Mountain states allow hunting of gray wolf.

3-30. Cheetahs turn on trainer in Florida. Forty puncture wounds. 55mph winds in Payson, 38mph winds in Phx. Tornados from Dallas to ST. Louis.

3-31. Two campers in SE Az. attacked by rabid bobcat. Forecasters expect eight Atlantic hurricanes in upcoming season. Oregon researchers continue to investigate declining bee populations.

Well, there you have it my fine and faithful reading audience. We sincerely hope the inclusion of wildlife stories have added to your reading pleasure. As always your fine staff at Blue Duck Weather News are committed to you!

There are two quotes from the Mighty Broaduck this month. We don't know what he is sucking from the hollow reed in the lake. As long as he swims peacefully in circles the shotgun will remain hidden and out of view. "Whoever said money can't buy happiness never flew first class." Yea, he flies first class alright with his head in the clouds. The other quote will touch your hearts down to your webbed feet. "Follow your heart no matter how distorted others may think you are. If you hold true to your beliefs then happiness will always come from within." Sucking a reed my ass, he's smoking them.

The song of the month is inspired by the releases into the mighty Grand Canyon; "Singin' Call" by Stephen Stills.

Never forget, Pioneers took bullets, Settlers took land.

Your faithful Editor in Chief,

MR Blueduck

Please email ms duck with shirt sizes!

Blue Duck Weather News FEBRUARY 2008

Greetings Droogies! (I use that term very loosely. If you knew where it came from you would be certain of the demented Bastard I am.) With the weeds sprouting in the desert and the temperatures ten degrees warmer than the beginning of the month it appears winter is just about a gone dead train. This Beloved State of Arizona received much needed rain and snow this winter season. Flagstaff has received enough snow to be at one hundred and fifty percent above average. The Valley lakes are near capacity. However the big ones, Powell and Mead, are less than fifty percent full. Those are the two I have told you to keep your beady little eyes on. Until they come up we are a long way from being out of the drought. If they continue to decrease I can assure you there will be water wars for the surrounding states. (Read more about this in the latest and greatest Blue Duck Weather News!)

With the weeds comes the snot for us poor allergy sufferers. Add all the trees imported from idiots all around the world to this "desert" we will be in big trouble very shortly. Have you ever heard or seen a duck sneeze? It is an awful thing to witness. But with the weeds and the grass on the desert floor large amounts of vitamin A will nourish the productive systems of quail, dove and rabbits. These populations should thrive this Spring and Summer supplying food for the predators above them in the food chain. Do not include the idiotic human in this predation chain.

A "snow-melt advisory" was issued this month for Sabino Canyon at Tucson's Mt. Lemmon. It was issued for hikers in the area. In all of my squeeky years of weather observation I have never heard of this term. I suppose it is prudent to a bulging population of "nature lovers." Snow melt would also be a silent, deadly avalanche of flash flooding with no warning as in a day or two of heavy rain. But duck logic would tell me that if one were playing in the snow last week and hiking naked this week one could expect snow to be melting. Enough said, let's get right to the exciting weather events of February.

The average temperature on The Land was 52.56 degrees. At Talking Trees and Antelope Hill, 32.02 degrees.

The average humidity on The Land was 52.94 percent. The average dew point was 35.90 degrees. There was heavy fog on February 16th that did not burn off until noon. All ducks were grounded or swimming around in water aimlessly.

The average wind speed was 3.74 mph. There were four days wind chills were recorded.

The total rain fall for the month at The Land was .34 inches bringing the total yearly amount to 1.36 inches. There were five days of measurable rain with the last rainfall on 2-22.

2-1. Sierra Nevada, Great Lakes and the North East pounded with heavy snow. Tempe Town Lake closed for water releases down the Salt River. Indonesia rains flood and series of storms devastate Sidney, Australia.

2-2. Snow and rain in Midwewest and North East. Flooding blamed for ten deaths. Heavy rain in North Carolina.

2-3. Eight to twenty inches of snow forcasted for the high country in Az. Winter storm warning for much of state above five thousand feet.

2-4. I-17 closed at Sedona exit due to heavy snow. Chains required from Globe to New Mexico on Highway 60. Two skiers missing at Lake Tahoe. Snow level down to three thousand feet. China still inundated with snow. Some train travel there takes sixty hours. Passengers hurl themselves out of windows in frustration never to be seen again.

2-5. Areas in Alaska record temperatures of 50 degrees below zero. Grand Canyon records 14 degrees below zero. Two skiers found at Lake Tahoe. Built snow cave and melted ice in lunch bag to drink. Rationed Power bars. Learned survival skills on the Discovery Channel. ( Well, I will be Goddamned! You mean the tube may have some educational value?) Tornadoes in the South. Fear of flooding in Ohio. Power still out in Central China from snow as Chinese New Year gets underway.

2-6. 61.5 inches of snow in Flagstaff. The average is 54.6 inches. Rare winter twisters hit Tn., Ark.,and Ala. Fifty four killed with twelve in a Memphis grocery store.

2-7. Avalanches in Washington State strands motorists for thirty hours. South still cleaning up from worst twisters in twenty years. Baby found alive in debris. Dog survives a week in Montana after being carried away by an avalanche.

2-8. Bush quacks over Tn. and promises money for tornado victims. Second flood in five months submerges Ohio town. Snow buries villages in India.

2-9. Study shows that ethonal use could add to Green House gas, not reduce it. Avalanche concerns in North West as storm dumps snow. North Bend, Washington has received sixteen feet of snow in last twelve days! Wind chill at International Falls, Idaho records temperatures of forty degrees below zero. Twenty one below at Bismark.

2-10. Six hundred and fifty deaths due to severe cold in Afghanistan. (Freeze to death you Son of a Bitch, Osama.) Eight foot snow drifts in Kamas, Utah. One below in Chicago. Fourteen below at International Falls.

2-11. Massive brush fires in Florida. Four generations of same family killed in Southern storms.

2-12. Central Florida under tornado warning as storm destroys two condos. Winter storms filling up resevoirs in Arizona.

2-13. San Diego Scientists say with population growth Lake Mead could be dry in thirteen years. If the lake drops more than one hundred feet Nevada loses water rights. Az. snowpack at one hundred and fifty percent. (Note, Arizona snow melt runs south and does no good for Lake Mead. Remember this.) Reservoirs downstream from the Verde at one hundred percent full, downstream from the Salt, eighty percennt. Wind gusts for North and Eastern Az. could hit sixty mph by tomorrow. Four thousand foot snow level possible.

2-14. Seven inches of snow at the Snow Bowl today. Winter storm advisory posted until tomorrow. Grass fires in Oklahoma. Three brush fires in Texas. Twenty five counties have burn bans due to dry conditions. Mountains east of San Diego receiving snow.

2-15. I-8 east of San Diego closed for twelve hours due to snow and rain. Six inches of snow in Flagstaff. Winter storm warning in S.E. Az. above three thousand feet. Willow Springs fire south of Sonoita extinguished. Caused by high winds.

2-16. Tornado threat in south Texas. Mudslides in Brazil. Avalanche kills two in Alaska. MidWest struggles with more ice storms as the South deals with more tornados.

2-17. Snow shuts down Kansas City arport. Snow melt warning for southern Az. Pacific Ocean has many low pressure systems forming. Wll affect Az. later. Heavy snow in Athens, Greece. Longest closure ever at Kansas City Airport. Severe weather in Georgia and Florida.

2-18. Tornados in Georgia and Florida level two hundred and fifty homes. Snowpack in Az. melting rapidly. Roosevelt Lake eighty four percent full, total Verde system ninety one percent full. Last year it was at sixty six percent.

2-20. Snow level drops to seven thousand feet in northern Az. North Carolina wild fire destroys homes with low humidity and high winds.

2-21. Snow Bowl receives one foot of snow.

2-22. Heavy snow in New York and Boston. Snow in Az. above fifty five hundred feet. Torrential rain kills dozens in Indonesia and contaminated drinking water is feared. Venice canals running dry from lowering sea tides. (?) Developing countries discuss climate change in Brazil. (?).

2-23. Heavy snow in Philadelphia. Schools closed because of ice. Heavy rain in California. 1.97 inches of rain in Phoenix to date.

2-29. Temperatures in Phoenix ten degrees above normal.

In last month's fine edition of the Blue Duck Weather News we introduced a monthly quote by Sean Broaduck. He fiercley negotiated writer's royalties with me. Let me make it perfectly clear I have express permission to quote the Quack. For his endeavors he may be lucky to receive a T-shirt. (Mrs. Blue Duck is still checking into this fashion statement) This month's forgettable quote is as follows; "Time, the wrath of man. Some men need more of it. Some men run out of it. Some men are buying it. Some men are doing it. But we all cherish it with the ones we love."

The song of the month is "Green, Green Grass of Home." So many artists recorded this sad lament I have no idea who wrote it. The most memorable version is a live recording byJohnny Cash from either the Folsom Prison or San Quentin Prison.

As your fine Editor in Chief, I would like to profusely thank you for reading this riveting edition of the Blue Duck Weather News. I will now send this on to the lovely Mrs. Blue Duck to clean up and post in the absolutely fantastic Blue Duck blog. Please be sure to pass this fine weather report to your friends, uncles and enemies.

Remember always, Pioneers took bullets. Settlers took land. Until next month, happy quacking.

MR Blue Duck

Editor and Chief Quack

Duck Fan Info

Under each post it says 0 comments. If you click on comments you can tell Mr Blue Duck your impressions on his brilliant...said while smiling...posts! If you don't post, we won't have a clue how deeply this has touched your life! :o)

January 2008 Blue Duck Weather News

A new year, and as everything is changing, so does the weather. Like some people (and ducks) the weather is entirely unpredictable. It is for that very reason your brilliant Editor in Chief reports the weather after the fact.

This exciting issue of Blue Duck Weather News will be aptly titled the Blue Duck Express, just like the frigid air that moved in from Alaska and Canada to make us all appreciate the warmth of a shelter. Also in this exciting issue you will find an inspirational quote under the song of the month. This month's contributing freelance journalist is Sean Broaduck. The staff at Blue Duck Weather News are sure you will be inspired by his deep thinking. As always Blue Duck Weather is expanding its horizons and offering you the most intellectual stimulation available without a drug.

The average temperature at The Land was 49.22 degrees. The average at Talking Trees and Antelope Hill was 26.88 degrees.

The average humidity at The Land was 50.77 percent and the average dewpoint was 28.87 degrees. There were two fog mornings in January. There were four days in which the humidity was so high the sensitive weather recording instruments measured .01 inches of rain for four consecutive days. ( We will take every blessed drop of Nature Dew as percpitation.

The average wind speed was 2.31 m.p.h. There were four wind chills recorded.

In late January the Blue Duck Weather Team took to the remote hills below Young, Arizona in Northern Gila County. Your fine Editor in Chief was joined by Flyin' Ryan Duck. We exhaustively recorded weather data for five days. On Jaunuary 27th we recorded an ass soaking 1.54 inches of rain in twelve hours! The Land received .61 inches on that day. By nightfall we could hear the rain swollen washes far below our sequestered nest high on a ridge overlooking Roosevelt Lake. The Commanche moon observed the night before was obscurred by clouds and violent rain. The wind blew so hard Sunday night we feared our nests would blow deep into the canyons to be gulped up by the torrential waters running wickedly down the canyon. With that said, the total rain for The Land in January was 1.02 inches of rain. (Speaking as Blue Duck's wife...I am sure that the great Blue Duck and his handy ace, Flyin' Ryan not only measured weather, but may have had just a few beers during this experience!)

Below are the end of the month lake levels. Don't get too excited as you see Roosevelt and Pleasant rising. Until Mead and Powell show levels above sixty percent this fucking drought ain't over. Besides, as soon as the parched months of summer arrive, the millions of "average" water users will flush away the precious silt in our largest lakes; Lake Mead, 47 percent. Lake Powell, 45%. Roosevelt Lake 62%. Lake Pleasant, 71%.

1-1-08. Foot of snow in portions of Michigan by fast moving storms. Malibu winds topple trucks. High particulate advisory for Phx. CLIMATE CHANGE THREATENS THE LFESTYLE OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIANS. (What the f*$% does this mean, Get over it!.) Georgia resivoir rising with recent rains.(Good to see with what we observed in the Fall of last year.) First day above normal temps. in Phoenix in twenty four days. Fourteen degrees below zero in North Dakota. Heavy snow in TN.

1-2-08. Six inches of snow in Cleveland. Cold Artic air moving south. Florida citrus growers concerned as temps. drop into the mid twenties. Fort Lauderdelle records eighteen degrees. Body recovered from avalanche in Washington state. Two major brush fires in Florida. Arizona and California sues EPA over acceptable greenhouse gas emission levels. (wah, wah, wah.) Twelve below zero in Maine. Deep freeze in the Eastern U.S.

1-3-08. Louisianna strawberry fields threatened by freeze. Resident of S. Calfornia bracing for "worst storm ever" fearing mud slides from recent fires and lack of ground cover. "Flood Teams" deployed. Orlando brush fire shuts down portions of I-95. Wildfires in Australia burning out of control. Blizzard warnings for Northern Calfornia.

1-4-08. Lake Tahoe blizzard warnings. Up to ten feet of snow expected at levels above 6500 feet. Sixty to eighty mile per hour winds slam San Francisco. Nine hundred thousand people without power in Northern Calfornia. Extremely rare snow flurries at Daytona Beach. Six to twelve inches of snow above seven thousand feet in Az. Both ends of Australia scorched by fire with high winds and low humidity.

1-5-08. Levee in Nevada breaks, town flooded. Rescues in Northern Ca. Coastal flood warnings. I-80 in Southern Ca. closed. Some areas receive ten inches of rain.

1-6-08. Emergency supplies being sent to Californians. Heavy flooding and five hundred miles of power lines knocked down. Flooding and mudslides force evacuations in Southern Calfornia. Six snowmobilers lost in Southern Colorado. Ten to eighteen inches of snow predicted for Northern Az. above seven thousand feet.

1-7-08. Eleven feet of snow in Northern Ca. from weekend storms. Snowmobilers rscued in Southern Colo., survived on popcorn and bullion. Avalanche warnings issued for San Francisco Peaks in Northern Az. Two snowboarding groups rescued out of Snowbowl. Will be fined under the "Stupid Idiot Law." Snow and rockslides close U.S. 60 north of Globe. One foot of snow in Flagstaff. 1.10'' of rain in Cave Creek.

1-8-08. Washington, D.C. twenty degrees warmer than Phx. Thirty seven tornados from Arkansas to Wisconsin. Three killed. Two snowmobilers missing since last week rescued in New Mexico. Bush declares disaster in North Nevada from levee break. Flash flooding in S.E. Australia. Several communities declared disaster areas. Seventy thousand still without power in San Francisco. Another foot of snow in Northern Ca. The most tornado occurences in the South ever for January.

1-9-08. Missouri tornado carries cow for one mile and it survived.! (We have heard of pigs with wings and chicken with lips but never, ever the big fat bovine taking sail!) Fog and smoke from fires causes 65 car pileup in Fl. Floodwaters recede in Indiana where three killed. "QUADRILLION" dollar law suit filed because of levee breaks from Katrina. (Give me a break!.)

1-10-08. Rare tornado in Vancouver, Wash. Twelve hundred without power. As floodwaters recede in Indiana thousands of homes damaged. Ten tornados reported in Western Georgia and Alabama, almost nonexistent this time of year.

1-11-08. Rare snow in Baghdad, Iraqu. Major fires still burning out of control in Australia. Temperatures above one hundred degrees for third day reported there. As of this date 650 reports of severe weather in U.S. and 91 tornados. Winters in N.E. warming quickly with much less snowfall according to study.

1-12-08. Heavy snow warnings in Conn. and N.Y.

1-13-08. New England schools close as one foot of snow falls. Scientists believe Tsunami waves created the Mary Bay crater in Yellowstone.

1-15-08. Crews face wind, snow and falling trees in search for Montana avalanche victim. Hikers missing on Oregon's Mnt. Hood from Blizzard.

1-16-08. Search suspended for victims of Montana avalanche. Wind chills drive temperature to zero in Northern Az. Twenty one degrees below zero at Grand Canyon as the Artic Express moves in. Much needed rain falls in Georgia.

1-17-08. Freeze warning for the Valley of the Sun. Eleven degrees below zero in Flagstaff. Crippling snowstorm in Midwest leaves Iowa at forty below zero. (ooshy.)

1-18-08. Another freeze warning issued for the Valley of the Sun. Seventh freeze warning this winter. International Falls fifty below zero. Winter storm warnings from Miss. to Maryland.

1-19-08. Two inches of rare snow at Atlanta, Georgia. Duck flights cancelled. Rain and snow in S.C. Alabama snow just as rare. One degree below zero in Chcago.

1-20-08. Sub freezing weather chills the South after unusual snow. Severe storms in Florida. Sixty mile an hour winds in Tampa. Five inches of snow in Alabama. Snow falling in the Sierra Nevadas.

1-21-08. Forty below in Butte, Montana. Thirty below in Maine. (No wonder ducks fly south for the winter.) Ten deaths blamed from snow in China. Upstate New York declares state of emergency with three feet of snow. Iowa ice climbers use side of silo to perfect skills. Twelve degrees below zero in Denver. Snow from Michigan to Iowa.

1-22-08. Rare snow in SanFrancisco Bay area with lev els down to one thousand feet. Snow levels above two thousand feet expected to reach six inches. Three feet of black ice snow in upstate New York. One foot of snow closes schools in Michigan and Wisconsin. Snow banks from clearing ten feet high. Severe cold in Iran claiming deaths.

1-23-08. Fierce flooding in Australia. Twenty five hundred evacuated.

1-24-08. Winter storm and flash flood warnings in Ca.

1-27-08. 1.54 inches of rain recorded by yours truly at remote location below the rugged mountains of Young, Az.

1-29-08. Iowa weather advisory for wind and snow. Thirty below zero in areas. Navajo Nation north of Winslow, Az. declared state of emergency from flooding. Little Colorado River in Northern Az. rose twenty one feet above flood stage and three miles wide. Highway 180 closed from Flagstaff to the Grand Canyon due to heavy snow. Flood warning issued for S.E. Az. Forty two degrees below zero in International Falls. Two tornados in Southern Illinois. Forty nine deaths in Central and Eastern China from snow.

1-30-08. Wind drops temperature in Chicago fifty degrees in two hours. Tornados in Illinois. Snow buries much of Mid West. High winds derail train in Ohio. Three snow boarders found in Flagstaff after seven hour search. China snow causes blackouts and train delays.

1-31-08. Illinois man freezes to death. Sixty car pileup in New York from snow and ice. Dramatic snow decline in West according to the Science Journal- more rain, less snow and rivers are drying up. China snow worst in decades. Atlantic hurricanes more frequent as water temps. rise.

Well, there you have it Droogies. January weather was as wild as December. Your fine staff will leave you with two songs for the month; "I'll Follow The Sun" and "Strawberry Fields Forever" by The BeatleDucks. And our inspirational quote for the month is a husband's lament. "They say silence is golden but isn't duct tape silver?"

Thank you for choosing Blue Duck Weather News as your only reliable source for behind the weather reporting.

Remember, Pioneers took bullets, Settlers took land.

Editor In Chief, MR Blue Duck.

(*** NOTE: There has been some interest in Blueduck weather T-shirts. This idea is still under advisment by the giant Quack himself!)