MAY Blue Duck Weather News

May 2009 Weather News!

With great pride I am pleased to announce that the lovely Mrs. Blueduck and yours truly attended a storm spotter’s class in beautiful downtown Mesa on May 9th. It was a grueling training session held by a local field meteorologist who helps fire fighters with the developing weather patterns as they fight fires in remote locations of Arizona. There were many nerds and geeks who attended the class (I felt out of place....trust me MRS. duck was out of place). I wore my Blueduck Weather t-shirt proudly and wanted to pass out my “business” cards to the students who have no life and nothing better to do but to attend a weather class. But with sensitive compassion the lovely Mrs. Blueduck threatened to leave me if I dared to pass out one card to any fool in the classroom.

The instructor pointed out that even with Doppler radar and sophisticated weather technology that is only able to generalize activity; quacks are needed on the ground to report real life events as they happen. (Mr. Blue duck STONGLY qualifies) We are to report such things as funnel clouds, tornados, hail, rain in excess of one quarter inch per half hour, low visibility due to fog or dust, flooding, wind damage and winds in excess of forty miles per hour. Mrs. Blueduck and I graduated with flying colors and received a standing ovation for our weather brilliance. ( I seem to have forgotten this part) We have official identification numbers and a direct line to the National Weather Service to be used twenty four hours per day if needed. If this doesn’t add to my already impressive list of credentials I have some snake oil I would like to sale you.

In this mind altering, jaw dropping and eye closing weather report you will read about local and national duck heroes, learn what a Derechio weather event is, states with the worst predicted fire season this year, rattlesnake “attacks’’ on the increase in Phoenix, scorpion venom to be used as medicine, why after sixty days the bloated Red River in North Dakota still made news and so much more weather information you simply cannot live without!.

May was an interesting month in our portion of the great Sonoran Desert. The last two weeks of May seemed to be a pre-curser to the Monsoon with huge thunderheads in the north and east in Arizona. Rare for May, rain occurred in Phoenix and on The Land. We seem to be “easing” into summer although Phoenix tied a record for the amount of temperatures hitting one hundred or above for the month. As promised, the grueling statistics are only here in this great newsletter for you to view, sweat, and cry. Phoenix had nineteen days of temperatures of a hundred degrees or more, four of them were at one hundred and five degrees or greater. The lovely paradise known as the Land only had fourteen days of one hundred degrees and no one hundred and fives! That my faithful readers is the lack of concrete, asphalt and people crowded to closely together giving off vast amounts of methane gas (farting).

The average temperature at The Land was 9.5 degrees warmer at the end of May than at the beginning. The average temperature at Talking Trees and Antelope Hill was actually four degrees cooler than the beginning of the month. The average temperature at the Land for the month of May was 85.14 degrees. The average temperature for the cool Land in New Mexico was 59.64 degrees.

The average humidity at The Land for May was 23.14%. The average dew point was 37.64 degrees.

The average wind speed for the Land was 7.40 mph, actually still quite breezy and comparable to April, the windiest month in Arizona.

The Land received almost a quarter of inch of rain in May, making the year to date amount at .88 inches. Phoenix has 1.91 inches for the year. (I better get the fuck out in the full moon night and perform a full-moon fever-naked rain dance! (God save us all!)

I know a Shaman who can help me. His first name is Seagram and his last is VO.)

The “great” lakes of Arizona are still pregnant and proud; Roosevelt is at 99% capacity and Pleasant 91%. Lake Powell is still rising slowly, in spite of the Monkey Wrench Gang, and is at 57%. Lake Mead is fighting for her life at 42%.

5-1-09. Three hikers, part of a church group from Tempe, Arizona, are swept away by the Colorado River in the Grand Canyon. With swift currents and 50 degree water temperatures there is not much hope for survivors; one body found.

Heavy rains have caused five deaths in Kansas. The latest were a couple trying to cross a rain swollen creek in their car. 7.5 inches of rain has fallen in parts of the state the last two days.

Mayer City residents in North Dakota finally able to use toilets after the sewer system collapsed on April 17th due to pressure by the swollen Sheyenne River.

Rainy monsoon season threatens cyclone survivors in Myanmar; hundreds of thousands of people still without homes or jobs from last year’s cyclone.

5-2-09. Remaining missing hikers swept away in the Grand Canyon still not found.

Phoenix ranked 9th worst for ozone pollution in the Nation.

Flash flooding south east of Nashville with a dozen water rescues.

A tornado touched down in Texas. A dozen were injured when the indoor facility for the Dallas Cowboys collapsed during 64mph winds.

Today marks the anniversary of the cyclone that hit Myanmar. It was the nation’s worst natural disaster in history and killed one hundred and forty thousand people.

Heat wave in India kills eighteen people. The temperatures have hit 118 degrees.

5-3-09. Remaining missing hikers still not recovered from the Colorado River in the Grand Canyon. Witnesses report they jumped into the river thinking they could swim across it.

Wolves removed from the Protected Species List in the Rockies and the Great Lakes regions.

United States pork exports drop 10% due to stigma attached to the “Swine Flu.”

5-4-09. Ozone Health Advisory issued for Phoenix. A mulch fire in the south west part of the valley is not helping matters and one school in the area is closed.

Heavy rain, flooding and tornados reported in Tennessee and Oklahoma and southern Louisiana.

Landslide from tropical storms kills twenty people in the Philippines; most of the victims were buried in their homes as they slept.

Six mountain climbers were killed by an avalanche in the Austria Alps.

5-5-09. Ozone Health Advisory posted for Phoenix.

Residents in Santa Barbara, California are evacuated with two hundred acres burned so far.

Congo rangers save baby gorilla from wildlife traffickers. A driver of a car had the rare gorilla in a bag of clothes. There are only seven hundred left in the world.

5-6-09. Today was the first one hundred degree temperature of the season at The Land. Another high ozone advisory posted for Phoenix.

A brush fire was reported near Cooper and Ocotillo Roads in Chandler, Arizona with homes threatened. The Canelo fire near Fort Huachuca in south east Arizona is uncontained with two thousand acres and four homes burned.

Two thousand homes are threatened and twelve hundred people are evacuated as 50 mph winds fuel the fires in Santa Barbara.

The National Interagency Fire Center announced today that Arizona, California, New Mexico and Washington State are at the greatest risk of wildfires this season.

One cluster of storms has moved through the south east states. It produced a straight line wind named a Derecho. This type of wind rarely happens and is pushed ahead of storms causing winds up to 137 mph pushing straight down to the ground. It was the cause of thirty tornado reports and the collapse of the Dallas training facility last week.

Floods and mudslides from heavy rains in northern Brazil have left one hundred and eighty six thousand people homeless and nineteen dead after months of rain.

Ten rattlesnake “attacks” in Phoenix in the past week, cause is unknown. (Editor’s note; the cause is fucking stupidity. Rattlesnakes don’t attack, they react when provoked.)

Venom from scorpions can kill brain tumors according to one mindless study.

5-7-09. High Pollution Advisory issued for Phoenix and the temperature is twelve degrees above normal. The Canelo fire in southern Arizona is eighty percent contained and has burned four thousand acres.

The fire in Santa Barbara, California has burned five hundred acres and forced the evacuation of fifteen thousand people. (Editor’s note: this tells you something about population density. Thirty thousand acres can burn in the wilds of the West and not this many people are forced to evacuate.) Three firefighters are airlifted to burn units. One fire truck got so hot the plastic light lenses melted.

We have a local duck hero amongst our midst. Tipt-O-Duck found a duck nest with eggs in his lush Mesa home backyard. He waited patiently for the little quacks to hatch. The fact that he did not fry up the eggs with a pound of bacon and swill the mess down with a pint of Wild Turkey is a credit to his spirit of conservation.
Instead, he waited patiently for the eggs to hatch, fiercely protecting the nest and giving Mama Duck her space so he wouldn’t get his eyes pecked out. Lo and Behold, the little bastards hatched and took immediately to Tipt-O-Duck’s swimming pool leaving duck shit and greasy water wherever they swam.
Fearing the little quackers would not be able to get out of the pool our hero frantically ripped window screens off of his own home and made landings for the little shits to waddle to safety. Not much later the quacks decided to frolic in his spa once again leaving their wasteful presence everywhere. Once again Tipt-O-Duck ripped window screens off of his neighbor’s houses and made more landings for the little fuckers to waddle about safely escaping a certain death.
Exhausted from this vigil our local Hero finally called a Duck Rescue Mission. They gallantly arrived and relocated the quackers to a waste treatment reclamation “pond” where the ducklings could live freely in polluted bliss. My sincere thanks goes to this local hero. Tipt-O-Duck will receive a badge of honor from this publication if we ever get around to it!

5-8-09. Another Ozone Advisory is issued for Phoenix, as the first one hundred and five degree temperature for the season is reported. The Canelo fire is ninety five percent contained at forty two hundred acres and three homes burned.

The wildfires in Santa Barbara are out of control. Thirty thousand people are evacuated and twenty three thousand more may be forced to leave. Seventy five homes are burned and there are twenty three hundred firefighters on site.

An ice jam that suddenly gave away on the mighty Yukon River in Alaska sent floating ice the size of houses in the town of Eagle. Homes are knocked off their foundations and one popular restaurant cut in half.

Severe weather in Texas, Tennessee and North Carolina with tornados.

An aggressive black bear in Kingman, Arizona tries to “break into homes” and is shot and killed by police.

5-09-09. Record high of 102 degrees in Tucson and 97 degrees in Douglas, Arizona.
The Willow fire near Black Canyon City has burned ten acres. The Bear fire has erupted near the Canelo fire sight which is almost contained.

The Phoenix Police are patrolling the desert for homeless living near 35th Avenue and Deer Valley Road. They are concerned about fires started getting out of control.

(Editor’s Note: what about worry of dehydration and heat stress for the homeless folks?)

The fires in Santa Barbara are 30% contained and many evacuees allowed to return home. A weather break occurred as a blanket of cool moist air from the ocean flowed into the region with diminishing winds. Eighty homes have burned.

Five people die and thousands without power in the Midwest with up to 120 mph winds recorded.

270,000 Brazilians flee floods. Refugees scramble for high ground in an area that is infested with Anaconda snakes; thirty nine people killed.

(Mrs. Blueduck has officially announced there will be no travel, EVER, to this region, I don't care what the hell duck emergancy has been created.)

Second cyclone in a week hits the Philippines killing twenty four people.

5-10-09. Thousands return home but Santa Barbara fire fight goes on with thirty percent containment.

Powerful storms batter Kansas, Kentucky, Illinois and Missouri with six people killed and one hundred and fifty thousand without power. One hundred mph winds are recorded.

Three hundred National Guardsmen are helping residents in Gilbert, West Virginia recover from flooding that has destroyed three hundred buildings.

Floods ease in Brazil but three hundred thousand are homeless and thirty dead after worst flooding in decades.

5-11-09. Fire ban issued in all of Maricopa County, Arizona parks.

Santa Barbara fire was caused by a spark from a power tool used to clear brush to prevent fires. (talk about irony!)

5-12-09. Fire restrictions begin in the Tonto National Forest in Arizona on May 14th. A Red Flag Warning is posted for northern Arizona.

5-13-09. A five thousand acre fire near Springerville, Arizona is 65% contained; human caused.

Nine months after Hurricane Ike Texas is experiencing a baby boom. Thousands of people were stranded at home for days, even weeks with no electricity. One doctor said of the increase in births “You can only do so much when there’s no television, nothing open and nowhere to go.” (Editor’s note; it is a sad commentary on our numb, robotic lives when it takes a natural disaster to force us to do what we really enjoy to do, but put aside, due to the “necessities” at hand.)

5-14-09. Prescott National Forest restrictions take place in one week.

Tornadoes kill three people in Kirksville, Missouri and thousands without power.

Santa Barbara fire is 85% contained and all evacuees are allowed to return home; eighty homes destroyed.

5-15-09. Ozone Health Watch issued for Phoenix.

The bodies of two men swept away in the Grand Canyon found ten miles from where they disappeared last month. The Grand Canyon opens the north rim due to warmer weather.

Devastating human caused wildfires in California are on the increase. The last was the Santa Barbara fire as pointed out earlier in the fantastic weather journal.

Another fire was caused by embers from a camp fire that drifted, igniting a blaze that destroyed fifty three homes in Malibu Canyon.

The third was caused by a man driving on a dirt road in the forest. He stopped his car on dry grass and engine heat set off a fire that burned thousands of acres.

5-16-09. Ozone Health Watch issued for Phoenix.

The Lucky Duck derby conducted in a Tempe canal. The toy duck race won the owner ten thousand dollars. This great publication petitioned the sponsors to paint all of the ducks blue but the Editor in Chief was committed to an Asylum for a short period of time.

Three hundred pound black bear gets trapped in an unlocked SUV after entering the vehicle near Denver. The bear tore the inside of the cab to pieces trying to escape and the car was totaled from the damage. The only food in the vehicle were two energy bars.

5-17-09. Thunderstorms and rain reported in Mesa, Sun Lakes and Florence after a 107 degree high in Phoenix.

5-18-09. Ozone Health Advisory posted for Phoenix. Wildfire near Bisbee, Arizona threatens structures. There are six slurry bombers in the area and gusty winds are adding to the blaze. It is near highway 80 and one hundred and eighty acres are burned. It is 40% contained and human caused.

Woman in Colorado lost beloved horse in a violent storm last May that caused a shed to collapse on the animal. Embryos from the horse were used to cultivate eggs to transplant into mares. A new foal looks like the biological mom. (spooky shit here!)

Israel dealing with heat wave and zoo bears are being given “frozen fish-cicles.” (I swear we don’t make this shit up!.)

5-19-09. Last night strong winds knocked down power poles near Gilbert and University Roads in Mesa; one car with a driver in it was crushed. In Surprise, Arizona lightning caused a house fire.

Mudslides on a rain soaked mountain in the southern Philippines killed twenty six people in a gold mining village.

5-21-09. For three straight days drought stricken Florida has experienced heavy rain and flooding. Thirteen inches of rain fell at Daytona Beach and some areas in Flagler County have received up to nineteen inches of rain. A tornado damaged parts of Seminole County.

The Red River in Fargo, North Dakota is finally below the eighteen foot flood stage after sixty one days. A flood stage record has been set for that city.

And now for our National duck hero; a banker in Spokane, Washington spotted twelve baby ducklings in a nest stranded on a building ledge twenty feet above the ground. The stupid mama duck knew it was time to get the little shits to water but they were helpless. The mother flew below the ledge trying to coax the mindless quackers to follow.
Mr. BankerDuck knew the quacklings were going to jump so he stood below the nest for twelve hours catching the ducklys one by one as they jumped. The mother and her ducklings are fine and the banker was fired for ignoring his job. (not)

5-22-09. University of Arizona climatologists predict another above average monsoon moisture producer. Two years in a row have not happened in ten years. Phoenix had twice the normal rainfall last summer than the average. Last year Mexico had the wettest monsoon since 1941.

Flood Advisory for Coconino County. Almost an inch and a half of rain has fallen in Cave Creek, Arizona in the past twenty-four hours.

Sixty acre wildfire in San Diego County with mandatory evacuations.

The sandbag total in North Dakota to hold back the Red River totals eighteen million. The city does not know what to do with them now that the river is receding.

Torrential rains flood Australia’s east coast; thousands evacuate and some areas under thirty-two feet of water. Ten inches of rain fell in thirty-nine hours.

5-23-09. Florida Governor declares State of Emergency in six counties due to flooding. The Space Shuttle return delayed for second day due to weather.

Alaskan authorities file charges against seventy year old man for feeding and befriending black bears for the last twenty years. Twenty counts of illegally feeding bears could carry a fine of ten thousand dollars and one year in jail. (Editor’s note; there sure isn’t any mention of this wise man feeding grizzlies.)

5-24-09. The record high for this date in Phoenix was 109 degrees in 2001. The record low temperature was 52 degrees in 1909.

Brush fire in northern San Diego burns one hundred acres and destroys three homes.

After three days of bad weather in Florida the Space Shuttle finally lands in California.

Bengal tiger attacks zoo keeper in Memphis; the man survives with deep puncture wounds in his legs.

5-25-09. Fifteen killed as Cyclone Aila hits Bangladesh, India. Thousands of people are stranded by flooding. Several rivers burst their banks in the Sundarbans Tiger Reserve, home to one of the world’s largest tiger populations. The fate of the tigers is unknown.

5-26-09. One inch of rain per hour falling on portions of the East Coast.

5-28-09. The cyclone death toll in India reaches one hundred and ninety one people. The fate of five hundred Bengal tigers is still unknown. One tiger took refuge in a house and had to be sedated and removed by authorities.

Worldwide carbon pollution will grow by forty percent by 2030. Much of the increase will come from the ever expanding India and China.

5-29-09. First tropical depression forms in the Atlantic Ocean and the hurricane season officially begins on June 1st.

5-30-09. There is a Flood Advisory in Flagstaff with one to three inches of rain expected. The rain cooled air has temperatures forty five degrees cooler than Phoenix.

Surprise man has been missing in the Grand Canyon for a week.

A dam in Brazil breaks from heavy rains, five dead and four missing. Five hundred homes were destroyed and three thousand people are homeless.

In Iowa, a video camera in a moving police car captures a deer easily jumping over the front of the vehicle and clearing the hurdle.

5-31-09. Lightning caused fire in the Santa Rita Mountains, part of the Coronado National Forest, has burned fourteen hundred acres with no containment.

Air searches for missing man in the Grand Canyon are called off because a week has lapsed; ground searches will continue.

Before I get to the quotes from our fine contributing editors, and I use that term loosely, I would like to quote the eternal Mark Twain. “Whiskey’s for drinking, water’s for fighting for”. Amen Mr. Twain.

As always the depth of the Mighty Broduck amazes me. If you look back at his past quotes you can sense the deep love he has for his family, immediate and distant. This month’s quote is

“Going to the dentist is like visiting your in-laws; it only happens a couple of times a year and even though painful you have to do it."

(huh?)

And finally the Ryduck quote once more proves that you “don’t need a weather man to know which way the wind blows” or where the cows are shitting.

“You can sometimes smell a storm coming. Low pressure allows methane gas to rise and drift with the current.”

The song for the month is “Emotional Weather Forecast” by Tom Waits.

Until the arrow flies next month always remember Pioneers took bullets, Settlers took land.

Professor MRBlueduck

April 2009 Weather News!


The remarkable genius of these ongoing weather reports never ceases to amaze my readers, but mostly myself. In this exciting edition of BlueDuck Weather you will see that the swollen Red River and then the menacing Sheyenne River threatened North Dakota and points farther north. The threat finally diminished on April 22nd.

Also in this fantastic weather journal you will read about the only animals proven to dance to music, a dog blown a mile in fierce winds only to be discovered by a pet “psychic”, continued rabid attacks on people in Arizona, a pissed off bull that tears up a grocery store, bee attacks in Arizona, and a pregnant woman who was chased by a bear, hit by a car as the result of the chase, and decides to name her unborn infant “Bear.” Now, isn’t that sweet, if not sickening? Who, for the love of Ducks, would name her child after the beast that practically got her killed? She must belong to PETA.

April was an exceptionally mild month for the Land and the southwest desert of Arizona, except for the wind. There were no major fires that flamed up and scorched our asses, but there were many red flag warnings. (I am afraid to say high winds mean drying grass and timber and I suspect the stage is set for another bad fire season.)

In fact, the temperatures were so mild that The Land saw an average temperature increase of ten degrees from the beginning of April to the end, while the high country of New Mexico, affectionately reported as Talking Trees and Antelope Hill, saw a twenty degree average temperature increase from the beginning of the month to the end of the month.

There was only one day in April that the temperature hit one hundred degrees. It was officially 102 degrees in Phoenix on April 22nd. From May until October, or when hell freezes over, your fine staff at BlueDuck Weather will torture you with the number of one hundreds, one hundred and tens, and beyond. You will wonder why, and wail in misery why you ever moved to this hell hole. Just ask Mrs. BlueDuck; she hates me from June until November and curses the day she met me and let me drag her into the depths of hell!

To add to the mild conditions of April there was even rain in the deserts and The Land. Only .06 inches fell at the Land, not enough to wash away the mud and shit from a filthy pig, but cherished none the less. The Land has received only .67 inches of rain for the year and it shows with the lack of perennial grasses.

The quail broods I have seen have one or two chicks as opposed to the twelve and thirteen I witnessed last year. Phoenix rainfall for the year stands at a more impressive 1.66 inches.

The average temperature at the Land for the month of April was 70.95 degrees. The average temperature for Talking Trees and Antelope Hill was 45.25 degrees.

The average humidity at the Land was 23.68% and the average dew point was 25.73%. When they are that close and that low it means dry conditions. The cold fronts the state had this month meant primarily wind.

The average wind speed for the month was 8mph. Remember, April is the windy month in Arizona and the average wind speed is 7.5mph. There were wind chills, although mild and probably not worth reporting, but for the sake of campers, flying ducks, and empty beer cans here they are; 73 degrees plus a 19mph wind equals 70 degrees. 68 degrees with a 9mph wind equals 66 degrees. 61 degrees plus 18mph winds equal 56 degrees.

The current lake levels are as follows; Lake Mead is 43% full. Powell is at 52%. Pleasant is at 91% and good old Roosevelt stands at 99%.

Now, let’s get to the day by day local, national, world weather and the fascinating animal stories for the month of April; guaranteed to have you snoring within minutes!

4-1-09. Wind gusts in Safford, Az. up to sixty mph. Red Flag warnings posted.

Fargo, North Dakota resisted FEMA recommendations to evacuate. (Editor’s note; why does FEMA seem like a dirty word these days? Could it be the lingering nightmare of the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina? The Heroes of Fargo were all the volunteers who stacked millions of sandbags, saving their town.)

Flooding in Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia and Florida. Some areas may get a foot of rain by the end of the week.

Hundreds feared dead in stormy seas off the coast of Libya as migrant boat sinks.

4-2-09. Wind advisories posted for all of Arizona. Red Flag Warning posted for southeast Arizona.

Latest rabid animal attacks are by a fox and skunk in Coconino County.

Storms in Jackson, Mississippi cause a passenger train to collide with a fallen tree.
Arctic sea ice could be almost gone in thirty years new study reports.

4-3-09. Wind gusts of 30 mph at the Land. I-40 east of Flagstaff closed due to high winds and low visibility. Hurricane force winds with 91mph at Meteor Crater and blowing snow in Flagstaff.

High pollution advisory in Phoenix due to particulates.

Despite recent rains parts of the South are still in a drought.
Water wars leave northern Colorado farmers dry.
Winds fuel fires in Palm Springs, Ca.

Flagstaff officials urge pet owners to keep dogs and cats in doors, fenced or leashed for the next ninety days due to rabies.

4-4-09. Peak wind gusts of 26mph in Phoenix with 70mph winds in Safford.
70 mph winds in southern California. Power out for 2300 homes in Palm Springs.

Fargo warned about second river crest with a 75% chanced the Red River will reach or top earlier flood stage by late April. Snow melt and likely spring rains will be the cause. Twelve hundred National Guard troops still in the city patrolling streets and dikes.

A rare albino dolphin sighted along the Louisiana coast. Since 1962 only fourteen sightings anywhere in the world.

4-5-09. Strong winds hamper crews battling Texas fires with eight homes destroyed near Wheeler. The largest fire is at eleven thousand acres and only 25% contained.

Blooming of thousands of cherry trees in Washington, D. C. is a big tourist attraction. The cherry trees are not indigenous to the area and are the offspring of trees donated by Japan a century ago.

Six to eight inches of snow in central Iowa.

Tornado watches from Ohio to Tennessee.

4-6-09. Michigan snow storm blamed for four deaths and one hundred and twenty three thousand without power with accumulations of eight inches or more.

Opossum “arrested” after hanging around Capitol Hill in a tree. The creature was not dangerous, just looking for a “bailout.” (This is not my ridiculous pun but exactly as it was reported.)

4-7-09. Wind advisories for most of Arizona posted for tomorrow. Health watch in effect due to particulates.

Experts lower 2009 hurricane forecast to six between June and November.

A weak El Nino event may form in that period, and with warming waters in the Pacific this tends to diminish hurricane activity.

4-8-09. 58 mph winds in Winslow and 65 mph winds in Show Low closes I-40 east of Flagstaff.
Dust storm in California closes I-5.

4-9-09. In Midwest City, Oklahoma wildfire rages through entire neighborhood. (Caused by dumb ass kids playing with matches)

Coupled with wind gusts up to 50 mph I-35 is closed and 750 acres are consumed. Dry lightning may have been the cause.

4-10-09. Winter Weather Advisory posted for northern Arizona above six thousand feet; three to six inches of snow expected.

Three tornados hit Arkansas leaving apple size hail and damage to six counties.

Tornado kills two and injures forty southeast of Nashville.

At least one fire raging over Oklahoma and Texas was arson.

4-11-09. Hail in north Phoenix with three quarters of an inch of rain in Cave Creek.

Six inches of snow in Flagstaff.

There is a Winter Weather Advisory posted four southeast Arizona with three inches of snow above eight thousand feet.

Boy Scout had to be rescued near Canyon Lake and flown out by helicopter. Scout leader was worried about hypothermia after a tent leaked and the boy got wet. The scouts weren’t dressed for the “cold.” (Editor’s note; what a bunch of candy asses!) (They could all learn from Sir Duck , Paul, and Ryan.)

According to Tennessee governor tornado damage “intense.”
Investigators blame arson for one of the fires in the Midwest City fire in Oklahoma. One hundred and sixty homes burned and sixty two people injured.

Winnipeg, Manitoba sees increased threat of flooding due to ice jams, ice cover and high flows of the Red River.

Many ducks and geese given for Easter are abandoned. (Editor’s note: this is a fucking outrage and calls for a revolt or at least a bailout!)

4-12-09. The Sheyenne River is feeding the Red River with spring runoff and may crest again to 40’ in the next seven days.

4-13-09. March brings a record number of abused and abandoned animal calls in Maricopa County. Home foreclosures and people leaving without pets to blame.

Rain brings wildfire relief to north Texas and Oklahoma. Nearly two hundred thousand acres have burned in Texas alone with a hundred homes destroyed. One hundred and seventy homes destroyed in Oklahoma.

4-14-09. Fire Watch Advisory for Phoenix posted due to high winds. Snow levels drop to seven thousand feet.

Bobcat attacks thirteen year old girl and her mother in Prescott Valley. When authorities approached the animal it charged and was shot.

Two killed as severe storms hit the South. Two hundred and fifty thousand without power in Georgia, one hundred and seventy five thousand without power in Alabama.

Man who bought vehicle at a car lot in Orlando, Florida discovered a seven foot six inch alligator under it.

4-15-09. I-40 closed all day due to wind and snow with 63 mph winds in Winslow. The temperatures around the state twenty four degrees cooler than yesterday.

Bobcat that attacked girl and mother in Prescott Valley tests positive for rabies.

High winds in South East causes power loss to fifteen thousand people and an eighteen wheeler is blown over.

Flood Warning across much of North Dakota.

Valley City mayor urges residents to evacuate.

The Sheyenne River crested above the twenty foot record set one hundred and twenty seven years ago.
Red River flooding in Canada damages two hundred homes.

4-16-09. Heavy spring snow in the mountains of Colorado and Utah.
Sandbags placed at flood weakened dam in Kathryn, North Dakota. The tiny town will flood if dam fails.

Rain causes deadly Peruvian mudslide with thirty missing or dead.
Worse droughts predicted for West Africa.

Drought dries up Iraq’s “Garden of Eden” Southern marshes drying up just as region was recovering from Saddam Hussein’s draining of lakes and swamps to punish a political rebellion.

4-17-09. First average day for one hundred degrees in Phoenix is May 13th. It may hit next week.

Up to a foot of snow in the mountains of Colorado and Wyoming.

West Texas battered by strong storms. Snow plows were used to clear hail in I-27.

4-18-09. Eighty acres burned by wildfire south of Buckeye, Az.

Three feet of Colorado spring snow strands hundreds of motorists and an eighty mile stretch of I-70 west of Denver closed.

Sewer collapses in Valley City, North Dakota by the flooding Sheyenne River. “Shit is everywhere” according to one reporter who was later fired for using obscenities during the evening news.

A dog was swept off of a boat during stormy seas along the Great Barrier Reef. She swam more than five miles to a deserted beach and lived for four months before being discovered by rangers and returned to her home.

4-19-09. Buckeye fire up to two hundred and fifty acres; full containment expected today.

In Houston a man lost control of his car and plunged into a rain swollen river. The car was swept one hundred feet from where it left the road and five children killed in the accident. Driver was on the cell phone, intoxicated and charged with manslaughter.

In LaMoure, North Dakota crews worked to reinforce dam spillway being eroded by floodwaters. A Black Hawk helicopter dropped eighty one ton sandbags and bull dozers pushed rock onto the spillway. Nearby farms evacuated.

Tornados in Alabama.
Twenty eight percent of sea fish stock depleted due to over fishing reports the U.N. Red snapper population almost gone.

4-20-09. High pollution advisory issued for Phoenix.

First law suit of its kind filed as class action against Federal Government for failures of levees during hurricane Katrina.

4-21-09. First temperature of a hundred degrees or more for the season in Phoenix; a high of 102 degrees missed the record by one degree.

Cochise County sheriff says border crossings are damaging the environment with trash. Waterways in the east and west portions of the county are being polluted with human waste. Popular bird sanctuaries are being devastated.

Two killed in 70 mph winds during storms in north Alabama. Severe storms also struck six counties in the Tennessee Valley.

For the first time a government spy plane is being used for flood fighting. The unmanned, remote controlled plane is being used above the Red River. It is especially effective at night with infrared cameras. Data received is recorded at real time as it occurs.

4-22-09. EARTH DAY! and a high ozone health watch is posted for Phoenix.

HAYDUKE LIVES!

Much of California unseasonable hot with triple digits in L.A. and the Bay area topping ninety degrees. Temperatures in Los Angeles twenty one degrees above normal.

Valley State University in North Dakota has turned into a ghost town due to flooding. All remaining classes for the semester will be conducted on line.

4-23-09. Red Flag Warning posted for Kingman, Az.

Fire near north Myrtle Beach in South Carolina largest in thirty years. A blaze four miles wide has destroyed or damaged seventy homes and threatens a world famous golf course. No cause of the fire determined but it is fueled by high winds.

Twenty one polo horses die after wrong ingredient put in supplement by Pharmacy.

4-24-09. High wind advisory for northern Arizona and a Red Flag Warning posted for most of the state.

Fire in South Carolina has consumed thirty one square miles and damaged or destroyed one hundred and seventy homes. Fire traced to man burning garbage in his yard. (remember this blue duck)

California water chief says get used to curbing water use. Drought will be a way of life, now and in the future.

Swine flu may be next pandemic and the White House advised. It is passed initially from live pigs to humans. This began in Mexico; one thousand cases reported and sixty eight dead.

4-25-09. I-40 closed east and west of Holbrook, Az. due to high winds. Wind gusts of 63 mph reported in Show Low.

According to independent research post Katrina levees not strong enough. They should be strengthened, elevate more houses and abandon neighborhoods that were built below sea level.

4-26-09. Eastern half of United States in a record heat wave; low nineties in New York and twenty five degrees above normal.

Bull tears up grocery store in Ireland after escaping from a cattle market. The fucker chased people and knocked down shelves.

4-27-09. Wildfire near Pine, Arizona with thirty acres burned. Wind advisories posted for northern Az.

Doctor in Prescott, Az. is taking all kinds of homeless animals due to economy. She has a ranch to serve as a sanctuary. Her first love are horses but houses DUCKS, dogs, etc. ( Good God, I see our donation dollars headed this way quickly)

4-28-09. A man from New River, Az. is stung six hundred times by bees and survives. He was at a family bbq and said bees were in his ears and nose.

Heavy rains flood parts of Houston, Texas.
New York City sized ice shelf collapses in Antarctica. Global warming is blamed for the cause.

A six pound Chihuahua blown a mile away form home in Michigan with 70 mph winds. A “pet psychic” guided owners to a wooded area where pet was found alive.

LISA>>>TIE DOWN YOUR DOGGIES!!!!!!!!!

4-29-09. Child recovering from bee attack in Queen Creek, Az. He was stung twenty times on the way home from school.

4-30-09. Havasupai village at the bottom of the Grand Canyon has been closed since last August due to flooding. They are ready to re-open but have postponed due to fear of swine flu contamination.

According to the World Health Organization swine flu will be changed as not to send the wrong message to swine growers (and to the human pigs that eat swine). The new name will be the N-1 H-1 virus.

Four feet of snow in north west Montana with twelve foot snow drifts.

Pregnant mother in Colorado Springs runs from a bear chasing her, is struck by a car, survives and plans to name baby Bear. (?)
“Experts”, and I use that term loosely, report that the only animals that dance to the beat of music are parrots and elephants. (They have got it all wrong. They have never seen this duck shake it up!)

Washington approves legislation that would bar federal officials from slaughtering healthy wild animals and burros. BLM officials have raised the possibility of killing as many as thirty thousand wild mustangs. They can no longer afford the facilities to house the animals after removing them from land that cannot sustain the populations. (Editor’s note; don’t capture them and let nature take her course naturally. Re-introduce the grizzly, the jaguar and the wolf back into their habitat. If that is not feasible kill them and give the meat to the growing number of homeless and hungry.)

I was exceptionally fond of the quote given from the Mighty Broaduck for this month and a tribute to EARTH DAY!

“Technology evolves everyday making our lives easier as our mother lies dying at our feet.”

Jim Morrison could not have said it better so I shall make this month’s song, partially a tribute to our tired old Mother Earth, “When The Music’s Over” by the Doors.

The truly in-tune to nature weather observation from Ryduck this month is;

“Check the air bubbles in your coffee cup in camp. They will ring the edges of your cup when a low pressure system is coming, indicating rain.

There is also another way to do it. When you have had too much “red eye” in camp the night before, using the silly excuse it kept you warm, you can puke after you have your first cup of morning coffee and look at the amount of air bubbles in the snot running down your nose.

And there you have it my faithful and tireless readers. Until next month, remember, Pioneers took bullets and Settlers took land.

Professor MR Blueduck

March 2009 Weather News!

Oh but the wonders of spring about to sprung. It is one of my favorite times of year as the Mesquite trees grow their spiky canopy of leaves promising shade in the brutal heat to come. The Palo Verde trees catch on fire with the gold and yellow blossoms promising bees and snot noses every where.

The lovely Mrs. Blueduck celebrated a birthday in this fine month of eternal beginning. Yes, our tail feathers are turning gray but empty nesters we are not. BeckPeck is still with us incessantly squeaking and squawking for worms of education, love and support. Our fine feathered son DooderDuck celebrated a birthday this month in fine reckless abandon which almost landed his feathery ass in jail.

A rare Arizona March indeed. Usually the end of the month is much warmer than the beginning of the month. Although we felt our first eighty degrees of the season and the first ninety degrees four days later the average temperature at The Land was fourteen degrees cooler at the end of March than at the beginning. Talking Trees and Antelope Hill was eight degrees cooler.

Some of the Nation experienced brutal weather as you will read in this fine edition of BlueDuck Weather News. “In like a lion and out like a lamb “my ass. The more I write of weather events the more parallels I see between weather and mankind. It is either too hot or too cold, to dry or too wet. Caught up in the midst is human tragedy by either ignoring the weather or not being able to escape it. There is no “perfect” life but the perfect days need to be appreciated and the bad days endured. Hopefully we can dodge the tragedies of life’s folly, and the brutality that Mother Nature can hurl at us.

In this exciting edition you will read about, amongst many jaw dropping weather facts, beer kegs keeping zoo animals happy and a bobcat attacking three people in a Cottonwood, Az. bar just before closing time. You will also find out that researchers think they have the ultimate sun block made from hippo sweat and using maggots on open human wounds promotes healing. Without further ado let’s get to it!

The average temperature at The Land was sixty three degrees. The average temperature at Talking Trees and Antelope Hill was forty two degrees.

It was dry in March with the average humidity at 25.14% and the dew point was 23.59 degrees. Causing this dryness in part was the wind. Although the windy month for Arizona is April the average wind speed was 6.50mph.

There were wind chills, although candy ass by comparison to the cold climes. At 71.50 degrees with a twelve mph wind it was 69 degrees. Seventy four degrees plus 13 mph winds dropped the temperature to 72 degrees. And the one I will be begging for when it is one hundred and fifteen degrees; eighty two degrees with a twenty one mph wind dropped the temperature to a blissful 79 degrees (with a mouth full of sand.)

March was a parched month with no rain at all, although the high country had snow.

The lakes in Arizona are as fat and swollen as a pregnant hog although the lakes of Utah and Nevada are barely holding their own. Roosevelt is one hundred percent full and over flow is pissing down the polluted Salt River bed through Phoenix. Lake Pleasant is eighty seven percent full. Mead is at forty five percent and Powell at fifty three percent.

3-1-09. Chandler man’s disappearance two months ago near Payson is still a mystery. He left his family vacation home on an ATV and wasn’t dressed for deep snow and nineteen degree temperatures.

Four NFL football players missing after fishing trip off the coast of Florida. Poor weather and high winds with ten to fourteen foot swells may be to blame. (Editor’s note: one of the missing is the son of Phoenix sports broadcaster, Bruce Cooper. Bruce said his son was an avid fisherman.)

A mile long avalanche near the Idaho, Wyoming border kills three snowmobilers.

Rare and heavy snow in Alabama, Tennessee and Georgia.
North East bracing for heaviest snow of the season. Boston is at 175% of normal snow pack for the season. One foot of snow in New York with 35mph winds.

Traps in place for sea lions that devour salmon near a dam in the Columbia River. Oregon and Washington will trap and kill them for eating fish on the Endangered Species Act. (Something is fucking wrong here! Leave nature alone and let it do its business!)

3-2-09. One NFL player from capsized boat rescued. The air temperature was in the low forties, the water temperature in the low sixties. Survival time is about forty hours with these conditions.

Wildfire in central Texas destroys twenty five homes and three businesses.

Two hundred whales and several dolphins beach themselves in southern Australia.

3-3-09. National Guard suspends the search for remaining NFL players.

Three tornados make landfall in Alabama.
Nearly ninety seven percent of Texas experiencing drought conditions. Central Texas is the direst it has been since 1918.
75 mph winds fuel latest wildfire in Australia.

North American Wright whale may be taken off Endangered Species Act. There are no known predators except man.

3-4-09. Storm dumps six feet of snow around Lake Tahoe in California, shutting down highways for hours. A ski worker killed by an avalanche.
More than eight hundred thousand homes and businesses without power. Most of the people without power are in the South East and some areas received sixteen inches of new snow.

3-5-09. Ski patrol member killed by Avalanche at ski resort near Lake Tahoe.

Woman attacked by “pet” chimp last month may never recover; severe face and brain injuries.

3-6-09. Apache Sunrise ski resort in Arizona receives a foot of new snow.

Jury convicts auto mechanic of murdering five firefighters by setting a wildfire that over ran them as they defended a home in rural California in 2006. The death penalty may be imposed.

3-7-09. Scorpion bites on the rise in Arizona; there is a thirty percent increase from March of last year.

Texas asks for drought help from Federal Government.

Avalanche kills skier in Ketchum, Utah.

Woman freezes to death after her and husband get lost on a ski trip in the Rockies. They were lost for seven days. She died from hypothermia two days before rescue.

Heavy snows help restore water supply for portions of Nevada.
Tornado warnings in Kansas.

3-8-09. Wind advisory for northern Arizona.
Tornado in central Illinois and Indiana.

3-9-09. Tornado destroys dozens of structures in Illinois, Indiana and Ohio. The Blanchard River in Ohio rose seven feet yesterday to fifteen feet today, four feet above flood stage.
Blizzard warnings for South Dakota and Minnesota.

Nine foot tall kangaroo breaks into Australian home and jumps up and down on bed.

3-10-09. Heavy snow driven by 40 mph winds brings parts of the upper Midwest to a halt. A foot of snow in eastern North Dakota and western Minnesota. Highways are closed in North Dakota.

Sandstorm disrupts Persian Gulf flights and oil exports.

Killer Australian fires fueled by restrictions on cutting undergrowth and trimming trees. (Editor’s note: sound vaguely familiar like good ol’ California?)

3-11-09. North Dakota blizzard leaves four foot snow drifts with a wind chill in Fargo of twenty six degrees below zero; four deaths tied to storm.

Forty two year old elephant at London Zoo has to have daily applications of sun block for skin condition. (Editor’s note: Just shoot the poor bastard. This is no way for beast, duck or man to live!)

Four deer caught on camera as they slam through liquor store in Pennsylvania.

3-12.09. Hail, rain and snow in Flagstaff; sunshine and mid seventies at The Land.

Crews clear roads of up to ten foot snow drifts in Midwest from storms two days ago.

National Weather Service to re-word warnings from “severe weather alert” to “extremely dangerous “and “life threatening” for worst weather.

Alps avalanche kills three teens and instructor.

3-13-09. Warm weather may trigger migraines. Each temperature increase of nine degrees appeared to increase the risk of severe headache by eight percent. (Editor’s note: this is a crock of shit. Out here in the desert at one hundred and fifteen degrees our heads would pop like blood filled balloons.)

3-14-09. The record high in Phoenix on this date was ninety one degrees in 2007. The record low was thirty three degrees in 1969.

Emergency management officials in Fargo and Grand Forks, North Dakota are getting ready after forecasters predict record flooding along the Red River this spring. Due to heavy winter snow melt the Red may crest in Fargo at thirty five feet. The flood stage is eighteen feet.

Six months since Hurricane Ike Galveston, Texas still struggling to rebuild.

Australia declares dozens of beaches disaster areas after oil spill.

Warming alters Antarctic food chain; basic food, plankton, is declining. Populations of Adelie penguins have declined sharply.

3-15-09. April in Phoenix is average for the first ninety degree temperature. The high today was eighty six degrees and the average is seventy four degrees. The Land saw the first eighty degrees on March sixteenth and ninety on March 20th. There was not another day in March that hit ninety degrees but look out!

3-16-09. ATV found of missing man for nearly two months near Chevlon Lake in Arizona. It was found twelve miles from missing man’s vacation home in Forrest Lakes by two hunters.

The north eastern United States coast likely to see the world’s biggest sea level rise from man made global warming by 2100. The rise could be two to three feet and would be catastrophic especially when hurricanes hit.

Dramatic increase of allergies blamed on global warming.

3-17-09. Researchers test hippo sweat as the ultimate sun block for humans.

Frogs in Ireland survived Ice Age according to study.

3-18-09. Forty acre fire near Buckeye, Arizona. The temperature is thirteen degrees above normal in Phoenix.

3-19-09. National Weather Service predicts warmer than normal spring for Arizona. They also predict spring floods in upper Midwest and Northeast could be severe.

The west Antarctic ice sheet collapsed periodically between three and five million years ago, adding more than sixteen feet to global sea level.

3-20-09. The first day of spring for Arizona was at four forty four a.m. Areas below five thousand feet in Arizona more prone for fires this season.

The Snow bowl in Arizona will close on April fifth this year.

British researchers use maggots to treat wounds because they remove dead flesh and may speed recovery in human patients.

3-21-09. The first ninety degree temperature in Phoenix. Wind advisory posted until eleven a.m. tomorrow. Wind gusts up to 30 mph and 50 mph in northern Arizona.

3-22-09. Highway 260 near Heber, Arizona closed due to fire driven by winds. There were winds up to sixty three mph in Flagstaff. Red Flag Warning for southern Arizona.

Fargo, North Dakota on flood alert as Red River may hit forty feet above flood stage later this week.

3-23-09. Eighteen degrees at the Grand Canyon.

High school and college students let out of class to help with the massive task of sandbagging the Red River in Fargo, North Dakota. Two million bags are needed by the end of the week to even stand a prayer of containing the swollen river.

Twenty inches of snow in eastern Wyoming, seven inches of snow in Nebraska with 55 mph winds.

Tornado threats for the Eastern Plains.

Five eruptions from Alaska’s Redoubt volcano, one hundred miles south west of Anchorage. Ash spews up to fifty thousand feet.

The drought has affected whooping cranes wintering in the Texas Gulf Coast. Lack of food and water may make them to weak to travel back to Canada.

3-24-09. Rabies warning issued for campers in southern and northern Arizona. The advice is to sleep in a tent and not on the ground. There have been seventy confirmed rabid animals already this year.

The Red River in Fargo has risen five feet since yesterday. Flood stage is eighteen feet. The river is below major flood stage of thirty feet. It may crest at forty one feet breaking the record of 36.6 feet in the devastating flood of 1997.

Beer kegs keep zoo animals happy. (no shit)

Two Komodo dragons maul fruit pickers to death.

3-25-09. Wind advisories post for most of Arizona.

An ice jam clogging the Missouri River north of Bismarck began to move, sending more water toward Fargo. Bismarck now poses the most urgent threat of flooding and the President declares state of emergency.

Severe ice storm in Duluth, Minnesota with power out to hundreds of thousands.

3-26-09. Geronimo fire in south east Arizona has consumed one home and charred twenty acres in Sunizona.

A severe wind advisory is posted. High winds near Winslow have closed I-40 with 61 mph peak gusts and 37 mph in Phoenix.

Two tornados touched down in southern Mississippi with seventeen injured. A Baptist church was destroyed with documents from within found eighteen miles away.

Wind blown snow closes highways in western Nebraska and South Dakota.

In Montana the National Guard dispatched two helicopters to help locate stranded motorists in south east part of state due to snow.

Denver International may be closed for two days due to sixteen inches of snow.

Rabid bobcat attacks three men in a Cottonwood, Arizona bar just before closing time. The whole thing was caught on video and is now the bar’s claim to fame, although the three men will be subject to painful rabies shots. There is now a special drink in the bar called the “Bobcat special.”

3-27-09. Geronimo fire seventy five percent contained at twenty five hundred acres in Sunizona.

Eight hundred National Guard deployed to Fargo, North Dakota. The Red River has topped a hundred and twelve year record of forty feet above flood stage.

Tornado touches down in Alabama, a day after twister injures twenty eight people in southern Mississippi.

There is a spring blizzard in Amarillo, Texas.

3-29-09. Wind advisory for northern Arizona and a red flag warning for most of the state.

The Red River breaks past a levee in Fargo and submerged a Lutheran school campus. The Red is starting to recede.

Mount Redoubt spews enough ash to close Anchorage airport.

In Cirendeu, Indonesia torrential rain cased a dam to break killing ninety one people. The dam released seventy cubic feet of water. People waited on rooftops to be rescued and four hundred homes were submerged in water up to ten feet deep.

3-30-09. Red flag warnings for south east Arizona due to high winds and extreme fire conditions.

Blizzard and subsequent snow melt threatens millions of sandbags and levees.

3-31-09. Wind advisories for Safford and Cochise Counties in Arizona.

Red River recedes below most sandbags in Fargo.

New blizzard hammers the Northern Plains.

Illinois snowed in as Texas blizzard melts away.

EPA will place air monitors around dozens of schools to see how safe the air is outside for children. (our tax dollars at work)

Birth control for rats being developed at Flagstaff, Arizona. Rats are consuming half the rice in south east China.

How we ended the weather statistics on rat birth control is beyond me but the weather and animal information is collected in nanoseconds and carefully transcribed in the order of which they came to your brilliant Editor in Chief.

The Mighty Broaduck is back in fine and sensitive style with his quote for the month. “Wives are like Del Taco; at times they can be a pain in the ass but you can’t live without them.”

Sean you are as sick as Monte.

Our new nature weather contributing reporter, Ryduck submitted this fascinating tidbit of information for you campers, nature lovers and rat shooters; “Watch the smoke from your campfire. If it hangs low, a function of low pressure, to the ground rain is on the way. If the smoke rises high into a vertical column, which means high pressure, count on good weather. I think Ryduck was inhaling something and blowing smoke when he made this observation, however his credentials are impressive if not downright suspect.

The song of the month is “Big River Blues” by Doc Watson. It should have been Red River Blues for the poor folks in Fargo but is looks like for now they have beat the river down.

Until next month remember Pioneers took bullets, Settlers took land.

Professor MR BlueDuck..

February 2009 Weather News!


Yes, I know this month’s exciting edition is late. Cards, letters and emails have been pouring in by the thousands expressing grief and anxiety for the missing in action weather report. But have no fear my faithful readers. Your fine Editor in Chief and his lovely Mrs. BlueDuck enjoyed a relaxing respite from the hectic day to day living and pecking of ducks. I chased wild pigs while Mrs. Blueduck fed apples to a curious raccoon and thousands of peanuts to bluebirds and squirrels. Mrs. Blueduck has a curious bond with nature while all of nature runs terrified from yours truly. I can’t imagine why given my close “connection” to weather and all it has to offer. After all weather is nature.

In this exciting edition of Blueduck Weather News you will learn that while much of the nation is blanketed by heavy snow and severe cold, states such as California, Nevada and Texas are shriveling from severe drought. And good news abounds as you will read that Roosevelt Lake in good old Arizona is at one hundred percent capacity. Water is being released to keep the fucking dam from bursting at the seams. And as always there will be unusual animal reports such as the man busted for smuggling pidgeons in his pants.

The warm up is on the way as temperatures at The Land were seven degrees warmer at the end of the month than the beginning of the month. Talking Trees and Antelope Hill temperatures were 7.5 degrees warmer.

The average temperature at The Land for February was 53.84 degrees. The average for Talking Trees and Antelope Hill in New Mexico was 35.10 degrees.

The average humidity at The Land was 46.10 %. The average dew point was 30.69 degrees.

The average wind speed for the month was 4.43mph. The wind chills shown by the math that would stagger Einstein are as follows; 59+8= 58 degrees, 41+8= 35 degrees, 54+6=50 degrees, 60+10=56 degrees and 34+2= 32.50 degrees.

The total rainfall for the year at The Land is .61” with a half inch happening in February.

Lake Mead is 46% full, Powell is at 53%, Roosevelt is at a record 100% (since the dam was increased in height) and Lake Pleasant is at 85%.

As you have been longing for here is the day by day weather statistics for the month of February;
2-1-09. Most of Arkansas and Kentucky still without power from recent storms; Red Cross sets up shelters.
Geologists are monitoring Mount Redoubt in Alaska for signs of possible eruption of a volcano. A hole was noticed in a glacier on the north side of the volcano. Underground warming has caused the melting ice to double overnight into the size of two football fields.

Vultures have dropped off previous populations by ninety nine percent. Ingesting drugs used for dairy livestock to blame.

2-2-09. Seven degrees warmer than normal in Phoenix.
Power in portions of Kentucky may not be restored for another week due to ice.
Rare four inches of snow in London. Parks closed because of slippery sidewalks when all the locals want to do is play.

2-3-09. Twelve degrees above normal in Phoenix.
National Guard finds ninety two year old woman surviving ice storm in Arkansas. She was sitting in a shack by herself miles away from any road warming herself by a wood burning stove. The old lady broke out in tears and smiles when food and water was delivered. (Editor’s note; this is the grit true country people are made of.)

Fifty years ago today Buddy Holly, Richie Valens and the Big Bopper were killed in a snow related helicopter accident. Waylon Jennings declined to be on the flight and decided to drive.

Australian man arrested for smuggling live pigeons in his pants and violating “wildlife transport” laws.

(The duck is obsessed with carrying pigeons this way)

Elephants throw buckets of beans at handlers in Tokyo.

2-4-09. A twenty three foot, one hundred and thirty pound “domestic” python captured after escaping owner’s home in San Luis Obispo, California. Authorities say there are no leash laws for snakes. (Are you kidding me?)

Population of snakes in Florida Keys. Thousands of Burmese Pythons are present after a few were let go by owners ten years ago. Mail carriers on the look out for these huge snakes, (I would rather deal with a fucking dog!)

Man who sprayed fox urine on kids now charged with a felony for wearing military night vision goggles when he did it. (Editor’s note; you read it here first when first reported. We just didn’t know how sick the dude is.)

2-5-09. Twelve degrees above normal in Phoenix. Officials urging rabies shots for pets in Flagstaff, Az.

Freeze warnings concern tomato growers in Orlando, Florida.

Antarctic meltdown would flood Washington, D.C.

Moose on the loose in Utah suburb; 850 lb. animal tranquilized and moved back to forest.

2-6-09. Winter storm warning in Mohave County, Arizona.
Record high of seventy one degrees in North Platte, Nebraska.
Flooding in Los Angeles, California.

2-7-09. Winter weather advisory for elevations above 6000’ in Arizona. Winter storm warning for Mohave County. Rain falling at one inch per hour in Yuma. Water will be released from Roosevelt Lake as early as this weekend to make room for runoff from a series of storms in Arizona high country.

A mile wide ice flow breaks away from Lake Erie’s shoreline in Ohio. One hundred and thirty fishermen trapped for as long as four hours. One man fell into water and drowned. Ice was two feet thick but rising temperatures and winds up to 35mph pushed the ice.

Southeast Australia burning with wildfires as temperatures reach one hundred and seventeen degrees and high winds. This is the worst fire season since 1984 and twenty five people have died. Seven hundred homes have burned and the cause of the fire may be arson.

2-8-09. 1.38 inches of rain in Scottsdale and east central Phoenix. Winter storm warning for the Rim country, eight inches of new snow in Flagstaff.
Entire towns have been engulfed by flames in Australia. One hundred and eight people dead, some burned in their homes and cars during the deadliest blaze in Australian history.

Siberian husky thief steals rawhide bone in Utah grocery store.

2-9-09. Interstate 40 closed between Flagstaff and Kingman due to heavy snow. Highway 87 closed between Payson and Strawberry due to snow and low visibility. Blizzard conditions in Flagstaff with sixteen to eighteen inches of snow on top of a foot already accumulated by last storm.

Snow in Saint George, Utah at an elevation of 2500’.
Australian wildfires claim one hundred and sixty six lives; some found burned to death in their cars as they tried to flee wind driven fires.

2-10-09. 2.64 inches of rain in Rio Verde, Arizona. 14.1 inches of snow in Flagstaff, a new record for one day.
Two confirmed tornados near Oklahoma City.

Strong winds knock out power for half of a million people in France.

2-11-09. Southern Oklahoma tornado yesterday kills eight people.

Koala bear rescued in Australian wildfires. Historic video shows firefighter giving it a drink from a water bottle. The bear’s feet were badly burned but the bear is expected to survive.

2-12-09. Strong winds topping 60 mph blew from the Great Lakes to the East Coast knocking out power to hundreds of thousands and kill five people with wind blown debris.

2-13-09. February tornados are rare in Oklahoma.
New record in Augusta, Maine with a temperature of fifty below zero.
Plane crash that killed fifty people in upstate New York may have been caused by ice on wings.

Australian man charged with setting one of the fires that killed more than one hundred and eighty people and destroyed eighteen hundred homes.

2-14-09. Snow levels drop to 3500’ in Arizona. Winter storm advisory for Flagstaff and the White Mountains and winter storm advisory for Mohave County. 185” of snow for this season in Flagstaff. The average for Flagstaff for entire season is 200”.

2-15-09. Winter storm watch for Mohave County, Az.

2-16-09. “Biggest storm” of season in California. Portions of Interstate 5 closed. Santa Barbara prepares for evacuations due to mud slides.

2-17-09. Yesterday’s storm in the West extended from Mexico to Washington State. Six inches of snow in Sierra Madre, California and flood rescues in San Diego.

Connecticut woman in critical condition as friend’s two hundred pound “pet’’ Chimpanzee attacks her.

2-18-09. Two campers found dead in Forest Lakes, Arizona. They were using a charcoal barbeque in the closed cab of a truck to stay warm.

Los Angeles begins water rationing in May.

Australian authorities place helicopters on standby to evacuate resident north of Sydney from floodwaters. Meanwhile fires continue to burn in the south with two hundred confirmed dead.

Chinese government takes credit for first snow fall of the winter in Beijing. They fired sticks of chemicals into the sky to “seed” clouds. Four hundred and twenty six cigarette size sticks of silver ioxide were fired from twenty eight “weather” rocket launch sites. This year is China’s longest drought in thirty eight years.

2-19-09. One dead and sixteen hurt as tornados hit Georgia and Alabama.
Landslides follow heavy rain in Bolivia.

2-20-09. The record high on this date in Phoenix was 87 degrees in ninety seventy seven. The record low was twenty seven degrees in 1955.

2-21-09. U.S. Bureau of Reclamation officials to stop surface water delivery to farmers in Sacramento, California for two weeks beginning March 1st due to the drought.

2-24-09. Melting snow near Sedona at Beaver Creek causes ATV riders to be rescued after they tried to cross. Couple held onto tree for two hours before being rescued.

(thanks twink duck)

Fifty car pileup near Jackson, Michigan due to snow and whiteouts. Snow all the way down to central Tennessee and seven inches of snow in Wisconsin.

2-26-09. Ten inches of snow in Seattle, Washington. Northern Plains experiencing bitter cold with wind chills dropping temperatures to twenty below zero. Four inches of snow in Chicago per hour.
Polar experts issue melting ice warnings and faster melts than predicted at the Arctic and Antarctica.
Drought worsens in northwest China.

2-27-09. Combined lake levels in Arizona average ninety seven percent full.

California declares drought emergency. Urban water use needs cut by twenty percent. Reservoirs are at lowest levels since 1992.

The National Guard is pulling out of New Orleans for the first time since Hurricane Katrina hit in 2005.

2-28-09. Record snowmelt raises Roosevelt Lake to one hundred percent capacity.

Three tornados in Arkansas and West Virginia.

A new feature has been added to this month’s exciting Blueduck Weather. The Honorary Ryduck is the contributing reporter for weather signs as predicted by Mother Nature herself.

“You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows”

will be demonstrated in this issue and future issues of this staggering weather report. So to my fine readers worldwide, here is the first installment.

“Check the grass, tent, or canoe bottom for dew in late evening or early morning. A heavy dew at either time indicates eight to twelve hours of good weather.”

The quote of the month from the Mighty Broaduck is

“Kids, they amaze you one minute with how they learn and then stupefy you the next by eating sand. Our children are our future; we’re screwed.”

The song of the month is “Fire and Rain” by James Taylor.

We hope you have enjoyed the latest edition of Blueduck Weather News. Remember Pioneers took bullets, Settlers took land.

Professor MR Blueduck.

Blue Duck Weather, January 2009

January 2009 Weather News!

Welcome to a new year of exciting, heart stopping weather statistics and related news. Your fine staff at Blueduck Weather is committed, as always, to bring you up to date and unbiased weather reporting that affects the state, the nation, the world, animals and people. Hope and change or on the way; hope that I am not prevented from coming home on a hunt by a flashflood and change, that if I do, I will have plenty of food, beer and whiskey to survive the “ordeal.”

As the final rain statistics for 2008 were released earlier this month Arizona had the wettest year since 1998 and the wettest Monsoon since 1984.

January was bitter cold for most of the nation with ice storms and snow. Poor old California and Nevada though are shriveling up like prunes with the ongoing drought.

You will read fascinating facts in this monthly installment of BlueDuck Weather; an ATV rider missing near Payson on January 5th as yet to be discovered (or not announced to the news media as of this writing.)

PETA wants to rename fish to “sea kittens” to protect the poor things from the cruel pastime of fishing. A more compassionate name may remind otherwise “compassionate” people that fishing is cruel. (They should see TwinkyDuck whack an Alaska salmon in the head with a moose femur to finish it off. PETA would shit their collective pants.)

So much more is in store as you read through the days of this fascinating weather journal. Just keep in mind as we always report on the past our weather forecasting is perfect! Without further delay allow us to present to you a new year of weather reporting coupled with hope and change!

The average temperature on The Land was 5.50 degrees warmer at the end of the month than the beginning. Talking Tees and Antelope Hill was one degree cooler. The average temperature for the month at The Land was 54.26 degrees. 31.05 degrees was the average temperature for Talking Trees and Antelope Hill. The Land experienced two mornings of freezing temperatures. The lowest temperature recorded at Talking Trees and Antelope Hill was nine degrees on January 29th.

The average humidity on The Land was 46.46%. The average dewpond for the month was 30.96 degrees. The average dew point was 30.96 degrees.

The average wind speed was 2.85 mph. There were several wind chill recordings. For ease (and laziness) of reporting the wind chills will be given as follows; 39 +3= 38. 33+2=32. 64+6=63. 36+2=35. 57+11=53. For you dumbshits out there the first number is the temperature, the second the wind speed and the third the chill. Don’t you just love the math? It would drive any elementary school teacher to suicide and a child to complete hysterics.

The first and only rain of the year was recorded on The Land on January 4th. The rain total for this month and the year is .14 inches.

The lake levels that affect this state and the states around us are as follows; Mead is at 46% full, Powell at 54%, Roosevelt at an impressive 99% and Pleasant is climbing as reports show 73% capacity.

1-2-09. Eight inches of snow in Arizona above six thousand feet. Prescott water being treated for arsenic.

Aggressive porcupines chomping on trees, shoes and tools in Colorado.

1-3-09. Winter storm watch for south east Az. Snow in Flagstaff. A daily record of 6.2” of snow fell in Great Falls, Montana. Coupled with the snow was a forty nine degree drop in temperatures. The high yesterday was 34 degrees at two a.m. The low was 15 below zero at eight p.m. Winter storm warning in New Mexico until eleven p.m.

1-4-09. Four inches of snow in Flagstaff. Ten inches of snow expected in south east Az. and eight to ten inches of snow at Sunrise.

New Jersey woman falls through ice and drowns trying to rescue dog.

1-5-09. Fog advisory for Phoenix from five a.m. to nine a.m. ATV rider missing since last Friday in snowy mountains near Payson; “wasn’t dressed for cold weather.” (?) Deadly avalanche season in U.S. Nineteen deaths reported in last two weeks, twenty eight close calls in Colorado alone. One slide that killed two in Ogden, Utah was two thousand feet wide.

Europe snow storm closes the Eiffel Tower in Paris.

1-6-09. West Coast mystery as hundreds of endangered brown pelicans found dead from Washington to Baja.

Tennessee sanctuary is home for “retired” elephants and orphan dogs. Two have become great friends and dog allows elephant to pet it with massive foot. (Why don’t you just step on the little bastard and be done with it?)

Lou the mule credited with saving woman from Tennessee house fire with loud braying.

1-7-09. Three snow rescues in Yavapai County in past week. ATV rider missing near Payson still not found. More ice storms and downed power lines in the North East; heaviest rain in thirty years mixed with melting snow threatens severe flooding.

Residents of Boulder, Colorado told to evacuate with three wildfires burning.

1-8-09. High pollution advisory for Maricopa County. One week and missing Payson man still not found.

Flooding and thirty thousand evacuations in western Washington. Ten inches of snow melted in twelve hours with warmer rain. Sixty highways closed and Amtrak rail service suspended out of Seattle due to mud slides.

Twelve deaths blamed on cold across Europe, ten people froze to death in Poland with temperatures at minus thirteen degrees and Germany minus eighteen degrees.

1-9-09. Flooding in Alabama swept mother and infant son in vehicle away.

Nearly two weeks of sixty below zero in Stevens Village, Alaska.

Madrid, Spain experiencing heaviest snow in years.

1-10-09. Midwest and Northeast under snow- One foot in Chicago, six inches in New York and Boston. Some areas receiving two inches per hour.

1-11-09. Blizzard warning for the Dakotas. Sixty car pile up on snowy road in New Hampshire.

Senate advances bill to set aside two million acres as wilderness.

1-12-09. The record high in Phoenix was eighty degrees in 1986. The record low was twenty two degrees in 1962.

1-13-09. Eighty six degrees in Los Angeles. Forty five below zero in Hibbing, Minnesota, shattering old record set in 1979.

Idaho father charged in making children walk home in bone chilling cold; one daughter dies.

Some towns in Fiji under ten feet of water after two unprecedented tropical storms in one week.

Sixty baby sea turtles end up under the tables of a beachside restaurant instead of instinctively heading toward the ocean; they were lured by the bright lights of the restaurant thinking they were the sun. (Fucking sad.)

1-14-09. Wind chills in Minneapolis minus fifty eight degrees. Twenty five below zero in northern New York. Too cold to ski as deep freeze spreads through Northeast.
PETA wants to rename fish to “sea kittens.” “Compassionate people would never hook a kitten with a hook in the jaw and kill it. So why fish?” (Good God, save a kitten and pet a fish.)

Blue Duck wants to keep this in twice, he likes the sea kittens.

Monkey known for throwing shit is on the loose in Tampa Bay, Florida.

Firefighters believe goats may have started a fire that burned down a home in Iowa. (?)

Feds remove wolf from endangered species list in two Rocky Mountain States.

1-16-09. So cold in north east Ohio Northern Lights, usually only seen Arctic areas, visible. Freezing temperatures have dropped to the Deep South.

Some places in Alabama colder than Alaska.

Atlanta, Georgia in the teens.

One man in North East found dead in wheelchair with a snow shovel in his hands.

As Haiti floods recede world wide aid is needed for starving people and immense crisis.

1-17-09. Ten degrees above normal in Phoenix.

Minneapolis has four consecutive days below zero. Twenty nine below zero all time record in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

1-18-09. A tourist attacked by a javelina at the Arizona Sonora Desert Museum is suing the facility and Pima County for four hundred thousand dollars.

In Indonesia Orangutans on the verge of extinction due to clear cutting for cane oil plantations.

1-19-09. Wind chill of ten below predicted for Inauguration tomorrow. Drivers in Michigan rescue frozen fowl from the Hudson River. (Heroes!) Pile up in snowy Maryland kills two.

1-20-09. Los Angeles already sets January record for heat; nine straight days of temperatures over eighty degrees.
Three die in Montana avalanches.
Heavy rains in normally dry Lima, Peru.

1-21-09. Eighty degrees record high in Phoenix today.
Michigan man searches for dog on frozen river and thawing ice swallows his car.

1-22-09. Cyclone Fanele hits the African island of Madagascar; thirty thousand without water or electricity.

NASA researchers report that overall Antarctic has become warmer than the 1950’s. Ten ice sheets have receded or collapsed since the 90’s. The Wilkins Sheet is fifteen hundred feet wide compared to seventy miles wide in the 50’s.

A contractor clearing debris from Hurricane Ike found ammunition box containing 1863 Confederate bills, war medals and diamond earrings.
Western forests dying at increasing rate.

1-26-09. White out conditions in Flagstaff with four to eight inches of new snow.
Ice warnings for Oklahoma and north Texas.

Ninety three year old man found frozen to death in home after electric company cuts power.

Mrs. Blue duck thinks the power company should be sued.

“New” government research shows if carbon dioxide emissions are not controlled global warming will be irreversible and affect the planet for the next thousand years.

1-27-09. Seven die as winter storm stretches from the Southern Plains to the mid Atlantic states. Warnings posted from Texas to Maine.
California drought may raise vegetable prices.
Ten killed by Turkish avalanche.

Blowfish testicles prepared by chef sends seven Japanese to hospital. (I swear, we do not make this shit up.)

1-28-09. Winter snow and sleet have over one million without power in Arkansas, Kentucky and Oklahoma. Frozen trees and power lines snapping; may be a week before power is restored. One foot of snow in Indianapolis, a new record.

1-29-09. Prolonged drought means water cuts for California and Nevada farmers. Snowpack water content is again averaging below normal in both states.

Frozen body discovered in Detroit warehouse.

Ninety three year old man found frozen to death in home two weeks ago sparks outrage among the community. Utility company had restricted his power use due to more than one thousand dollars of unpaid utility bills. When he was discovered the outside temperatures ranged from twelve degree high to nine degree below zero.

Mrs. Blue duck still thinks the power company sucks.

South Florida beach closed as one thousand sharks gather as part of annual migration.

1-30-09. Sixty seven year old man found frozen in his truck near Detroit.
Woman freezes to death in remote cabin in Montana. Husband, suffering from hypothermia and starving found propped up against her body.

Cody, Wyoming man busted for public intoxication while riding a white horse in a snowstorm on busy street.

Al Gore and others urging President Obama to act on global warming, fearing the economy crisis will weaken the will of the Nation to act.
Record heat wave causes fires and heat related stress in southern Australia.

1-31-09. Kentucky governor calls up entire National Guard with state devastated by ice storm. More than a half million without power from the Ozarks through Appalachia.

Well, my faithful readers, there you have it. Pretty damned nipply across much of the United States.

The quote of the month by the Mighty Broadduck is this; “Life is a journey full of different paths to choose. When you feel like you have reached the end of the road turn to the left and blaze a new path to the unknown.”

The song of the month is “Cloudy Days” by Waylon Jennings.

Until next month remember Pioneers took bullets, Settlers took Land.

Professor MRBlueduck

December Blue Duck Weather

December Weather News 2008!

Old Man Winter did not wait until December 21st to arrive to many parts of the world. He came through the door with no apologies dragging in ice, mud and duck shit. He laughed that putrid cold laugh down our shirts and pants, up skirts and pissed on all of the leaky roofs he could find. The old Fart dragged snow across trails and roads trying to be the sneaky bastard he is. He knocked down power poles just so he could laugh at us huddled in some dark corner of some dark house with our breath freezing as we exhaled. He knows when he has us by the shriveled up balls.

In this amazing edition of Blueduck Weather News we shall more closely examine the effects of wind chill. It is my firm belief that wind chill, to a certain degree has much more of a psychological impact than a physical one, especially at milder temperatures. I will be the last one to argue that a wind chill of forty below zero will not make you a dead man’s friend.

However, a twelve mph wind at fifty degrees equates to a temperature of forty five degrees. A ten mph wind at sixty six degrees only drops the temperature two degrees. But if feels much colder. As one watches the beer cans rolling down the road, and the tumble weeds heading for you like some abstract wheel propelled off of a broken axle you begin to feel lonely and out of place and your inner core begins to cool even more because the mind is telling the body “fuck you, I want to climb under a blanket.”

Wind chills at temperatures below freezing can be deadly. Once thirty two degrees has been achieved each one mph wind adds one degree of chill to the air. So, in the next couple of months before the wind chill turns into a blast furnace in the desert your fine staff at Blueduck Weather will report relative chill to actual temperatures as they occur at The Land and elsewhere. With that bunch of horseshit let’s get to the amazing weather statistics compiled by your tireless staff at BlueDuck Weather News!

The average temperature at The Land was 6.5 degrees cooler at the end of December than the beginning. It was seven degrees cooler at Talking Trees and Antelope Hill. The average temperature on December 28th for the entire day at The Land was 38.50 degrees with a low of 28 degrees. The average temperature on December 26th at Talking Trees and Antelope Hill was 17.50 degrees with a low of 9 degrees. (ooshy!.)

The average temperature for the month at The Land was 51.67 mild degrees. The average temperature for Talking Trees and Antelope Hill was 31.67 degrees.

The average Humidity at The Land was 55.38 %. The average dew point was 34.77 degrees.

The average wind speed was 2.69 degrees. (Not much of a wind chill, unless of course, you stand outside naked and dump a bucket of water over your head!)


The Land saw 1.02 inches of rain for the month finishing the year with 7.76 inches of rain. The good old Valley of the Sun finished up with 9.53 inches of rain, both much ahead of the average amounts of rainfall in the desert for a year. There were nine days of measureable rainfall at The Land in December, quite impressive.

Lake Powell finished the year at 57% full. Lake Mead is at 45% empty, Pleasant holds at 58% and our loving Roosevelt Lake stands at 90%. This fine lake overcame the flushing of millions of toilets downstream!

12-01. There was morning fog in the southeast valley. The hurricane season ends on 12-07 and blows away all records.

Never before in history have six consecutive storms struck U.S. mainland. This was the first time a hurricane formed in five consecutive months. Longest lived storm, Bertha remained active for seventeen days. Hurricane Fay hit Florida four times. A record for Cuba as three hurricanes pounded the island. Severe flooding in Venice, Italy with 22’ storm surges. Brazil rescuers search for flood victims, one hundred and fourteen dead and nineteen missing. Eighty thousand flee flooding and mudslides.

Mexican Garter snake, once prevalent in Arizona placed on Endangered Species List.

The Island fox in California has made a ten year recovery from extinction and has grown from sixteen to six hundred and fifty.

Wounded deer attacks Missouri deer hunter who shot it.

12-02. Second day of high tide in Venice, worst in twenty years. Brazil President asks God to halt devastating rains.

12-03. Brazil working hard to open international sea ports that are vital to economy. One hundred and sixteen lives lost in the Santa Catarina region due to flooding.
Eight pound bass caught while fishing yields class ring that was missing for twenty one years. It was posted on the internet and the original owner found it.

12-04. 6 degrees in Duluth, Minnesota, 18 degrees in Chicago.
Pennsylvania pizzeria will not be serving venison on pizza although cook was caught carving deer in restaurant kitchen.

12-05. Portions of Santa Cruz River in Arizona receives top priority protection.
Girl on Oregon beach swept away by huge wave just as boyfriend ready to propose.
Obese dog found frozen to sidewalk survives because of body fat. Owner accused of animal cruelty (for what, letting it get stuck to a fucking sidewalk or for being so fat?)

12-06. Officials probe mysterious coyote deaths in Sun City Arizona.

12-07. winter snow advisories for Flagstaff, the Rim and snow above 6800’.
1998 was the warmest year on the planet. 2008 the coolest year in ten.

12-09. Freeze warning issued for southeast Pima and Pinal counties.

Powerful storms knock out power to seven thousand homes in north Texas and unofficial reports of tornado activity.
New brush fire north of Los Angeles in Thousand Oaks.
Wet and windy weather for the Mid West.

Man cited for jumping into the black rhino pit at the San Francisco zoo.

12-11. Rare snowfall covers southern Louisiana and Mississippi with snow in New Orleans. Eight inches of snow in some areas and only the eighth time it has snowed in sixty years.

12-12. Wind advisory for north east Arizona with 50mph winds. Snow levels will be down to six thousand feet by 12-14.
North East ice storm leaves one and a half million people without power.
Thousands of farm jobs vanish from California drought.
Four dead as rains pound Rome. A state of emergency is issued and hundreds are evacuated.

Fed up Pennsylvania man sprays teens with fox urine as they try to toilet paper his home.

12-13. Peak wind gusts at Flagstaff recorded at 61 mph. Snow level drops to five thousand feet.

Huge swarms of stinging jellyfish are ruining beaches in Hawaii, Gulf of Mexico and Australia.

12-14. Fifty five auto accidents on I-40 near Flagstaff due to snow and ice, three inches of snow.

12-15. Winter weather advisory posted for the White Mountains in eastern Arizona.

Four hundred and twenty three thousand people still without power in the North East due to earlier ice storms. President Bush declares state of emergency in New Hampshire, Massachusetts and New York.
Blizzard conditions in the Dakotas with a wind chill of thirty five degrees below zero.

A one hundred degree temperature difference in twenty four hours was reported near Cascade, Montana; from forty eight degrees to minus forty eight.
Snow in Las Vegas and the main route between Vegas and Los Angeles. Southern California evacuates because of heavy rains and possible mud slides from effects of recent fires.

School roof collapses from rain in Southern California and seven are injured.

12-16. Winter storm watch posted for south east Arizona above 5500’. 8-12 inches of snow expected. The high was lower than the low at The Land today. No, this line was not taken from a Willie Nelson, Merle Haggard song called “Reasons to Quit.”

Two trillion tons of sea ice has melted in Greenland, Antarctica and Alaska since 2004 according to NASA.

Orangutan wears Santa suit for promotion in Manila.

12-17. Flood watch posted for Phoenix metro area. Five inches of snow in Kingman. Eight to fifteen inches of snow above seven thousand feet. Fifteen inches of snow on the ground in Flagstaff.

Two missing in snow covered forest rescued. The guide for serious freeze damage in the desert is four consecutive hours of twenty eight degrees or below. So far this fall no freezing temperatures in the Valley.

Winter storm spreads over much of the nation. Twenty degrees below zero in the Northern Plains. Freezing rain and sleet from Kansas, the Ohio Valley and up to Maine.

Fourteen dead from storms.

12-18. Freeze advisory for southern Arizona from two a.m. to nine a.m. Record three inches of snow in Las Vegas and the airport closed for twenty four hours because the Vegas airport does not have a snow plow. San Bernardino Mountains in California near Malibu has a dusting of snow.

Twenty one people rescued along the Tijuana River near the California, Mexico borders.

Three young women found dead in car near Squaw Valley ski resort in California. They slept in the car with the heater on and the engine running. The exhaust pipe was blocked with snow and carbon monoxide gas got into the enclosed car.

China pet owners protest restaurants that place dogs and cats on the menu. (As long as ducks aren’t posted fuck the dogs and cats.)

12-19. Powerful winter storm with snow and freezing rain from Iowa to New England. The worst ice storm was in a band across northern Illinois, Indiana and Ohio. Two hundred and seventy thousand without power.

12-20. The drought is still severe in the South. Lake Hartwell on the Georgia, S. Carolina border is thirty five feet below normal and going dry. Second weekend of snow for the North East. Thirty percent of the homes in Boston are without power.

Seattle hasn’t seen this much snow since 1974.

A rare occurrence in the animal world was witnessed by yours truly today. I was chopping kindling in the yard when I heard an electrical buzz. I looked up to see an electrocuted pigeon fall with a thud to the ground. Apparently the dumb ass was sitting on the high line wires and somehow grounded him. Immediately a hawk was perched on top of him looking in all directions for no other predators. Finally he struggled to get in the air with the pigeon between his talons but he was having a hard time gaining altitude or elevation with the weight of the pigeon, the hawk finally took flight like an overweight plane, off to feast on his find.

I have a close friend, an otherwise compassionate duck, who shoots pigeons with wild glee. All they do is shit everywhere and have shit for brains. I applaud my friend. We both hold the hawk in high regard but would love to eliminate the inbred pigeon.

12-21. First day of Winter and the first freeze at The Land.

Two degrees at the Grand Canyon. Desert winds blow arsenic clouds from mines with 460,000 times the “safe level” in Randsburg, California.
Two feet of snow in Washington state and snow falls in the Midwest and Northeast. Residents of Portland, Oregon skiing on the streets.

12-22. Snow above 6500’ in Arizona. So far this season Flagstaff has 55’’ of snow. Maine town gets three and a half feet of snow.
More than fifty days of nonstop rain in portions of Italy. Rome received more rain in one day than an average month.

The weight of five inches of pigeon shit mixed with rain collapses a gas station awning in Yuma, Arizona. (I swear, I don’t make this shit up!)

“Lonely” man jumps into polar bear cage. Keeper lures bear away from the man with a leg of beef.

12-23. Snow level in Phoenix may drop down to two thousand feet by 12-26.

Ten below in Chicago.

Massachusetts man using blow torch to melt snow on porch sets house on fire causing thirty thousand dollars of damage.

Pig rescued from a tree in Florida. (I knew pigs could fly but I had no idea they flew and roosted in trees.)

12-24. Storm watches posted in Arizona until 12-26. Avalanche kills two snowmobilers in northern Utah.

12-25. First measurable rain in the Valley of the Sun in fourteen years.

Highly confidential intelligence reports a blue duck riding on Rudolph’s head.

12-26. Snow flurries in Cave Creek, Arizona and a freeze warning is issued for the Valley. Storm covers the West with snow and ice glazes the Midwest. Storm warnings posted for Utah, Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado and Wyoming. A blizzard warning covers the mountains of southwest Colorado. Utah Avalanche Center renews warnings against traveling in the mountain’s backcountry. Spokane, Washington has 46.2 inches of snow and a new record for December. Small tornados in Alabama cause damage.
Indonesia to honor 230,000 people killed by Tsunami in south Asia in 2004.

12-27. Freeze warning posted for the Phoenix metro area. Warmer weather could cause flooding following snow melt in the Midwest. Flood warnings posted for six states. Some areas receive two inches of rain in two hours. As warm air collides with cold air tornado watches posted for parts of Texas and Oklahoma.

12-28. High pollution advisory posted for Phoenix. Four hundred thousand without power in western New York as seventy five mph winds hammer the region. Six bodies recovered from Canada avalanches.

Officials say Jell-O may eliminate lake trout in Yellowstone (?)

12-30. Five feet of snow this season in Spokane; collapses roofs. Thirteen year old snowmobiler killed in Utah avalanche. The eighth and final body was found Tuesday from a group of snowmobilers buried by weekend avalanches in western Canada’s backcountry.

12-31. Lucky two year old boy found alive in snowy Flagstaff woods.

Virginia Priest killed by a falling tree in the wind.

And finally, a quote from a man in “Crazy moments of ’08 reads “Maybe if everyone had a duck in their life people wouldn’t be so angry.” Amen my faithful readers. (I swear we don’t make this shit up.) (Mrs. Blue duck thinks he is full of crap)

The quote of the month from the Mighty Broaduck is “Change can be for the better or worse. It all depends on what you do with it.” On a serious note please wish Mr. Broaduck the best of luck in these hard and perilous times.

The song of the month is “It Sure Got Cold After The Rain Fell” by ZZ Top.

Until next month and a new year reporting amazing weather facts, astonishing animal accounts, and stupid people segments, remember Pioneers took bullets, Settlers took land.

Professor MR Blueduck